Here’s another poorly assembled mass of ideas to be better organized at the end of my stint in this country when I begin writing my book (ha ha ha). It had almost been typed completely, but for some reason this webpage thought it was a good idea to reset itself…so I have to type it again.
Attempting to date a local girl in Korea is riddled with traps, pitfalls, and other assorted dangers. One constantly is required to second (and third) guess themselves, and make sure their bullshit detector is in fairly good working order. Even then it’s still risky business.
The first girl I dated here in Korea was a college student. Dating her was like being in highschool all over again. Things progressed incredibly slowly. Things like “holding hands” was a big deal. Additionally the girl’s attitude was fairly immature. Like a highschool relationship, this one was painfully short, ending before it really even started. I’m not really sure what the cause of it’s ending was, since one day she said that we couldn’t date anymore. We remained friends for a short while, but that too stop. After a point she wouldn’t call me and wouldn’t return my calls.
My second girlfriend I almost drove away out of paranoia. My first relationship had ended for one of two reasons. The first being that her family had found out. Few Korean parents want their daughters dating white guys. The second possibility was that her fantasized relationship need had been met. Korean girls (college students in particular) have a rediculously romanticized view of love and relationships, brought about by the portrayal of love in Korean soap operas, and the sappy music videos for equally sappy love ballads. Many girls here want foreign boyfriends, but very few want foreign husbands. So these girls will date foreigners for a period of time, and when they find a nice Korean guy…well sucks to be the foreigner. I’ve heard stories where a foreigner has called his “girlfriend” only to be told not to call anymore as she had gotten married.
So my current girlfriend asked me out after meeting me on a train. It seemed a little odd to me at first. I thought that she could be one of two kind of people (to ask me out in such a fashion), the first was a girl who wanted a romantic and exciting start to a bogus fairytale relationship that would last until she found a Korean guy her parents liked. The second possibility was that she was an Itaewon bar whore who got lucky and found some fresh American penis while riding the subway. It never entered my mind that she could be different. I mean in this homogenous country how could she possibily be different?
To say I treated her like shit would be a tad too generous to myself and make my actions look a less horrid then they were. I figure if she’s going to use me (thinking she was one of the two types of girls mentioned above) I might as well do the same. I thought that I couldn’t trust her, when in reality it should have been her not trusting me. I lied, actively persued another woman, and did things to try and drive her away. These are things I terribly regret doing now that I know her and know that she is indeed different.
I claimed that my behavior was a self-defense mechanism…sort of the George W. Bush, get them before they can get you bullshit metality. The first girl I went out with here had only last about a month, and we had known each other much longer. How much faith could I put in a relationship with a girl I had met on the subway? She had proven me wrong, turning out to be a great girl that I actually had a lot in common with.
A new series of problems then arose…those being her family. As I mentioned, most parents don’t like the idea of their sons or daughters being romantically involved with foriegners. This was the case with my girlfriend’s parents. Her mother, in particular, was adament against me dating her daughter. There’s a lot of bad blood in Korea towards westerners, Americans in particular. A lot of this is rightfully deserved, but it effects the decent people along with the bastards. Being an American, I was automatically lumped in with the bastards (American GI’s mainly). The fact that I hated Bush as much (if not more then) they did, could speak Korean, enjoyed Korean food, knew more about Korean culture or history than most Koreans, or the fact that I loved thier daughter would do little to change their view of me. In America, or any other western country, this problem could be remedied fairly easily by meeting her parents, after which they’d see I wasn’t a bad, or they’d see I was a bad guy and have an actual reason to hate me (aside from my nationality). In Korea this was simply not an option. Men are not allowed to meet the parents of the girl they are dating unless it is the intention of the man to marry said girl. Being a foreigner, her parents have little desire to let her marry me, and therefore a face to face meeting is out of the question. So for now I wait…
