西洋오랑캐

Yesterday U-rim had a day off (as did I), so we got to spend the entire day together. Woohoo! So we started off the day with some lunch at home (U-rim is of the “early to bed, late to rise” school of thought on her day off), a watched some god awful movie called, Thrillseekers.

After lunch, we headed out to get my new phone turned on. When my boss departed for America, she gave…or sold her old phone to me. The phone is a lot higher quality then my old phone (it actually rings when I get calls), so we headed to the phone company to get my phone number switched over. While we were in the process, I thought it would be more outstanding if instead of the crappy prepaid phone service I had (I had to go to the phone company and give them about $10 every time I wanted to be able to make 30 minutes worth of phone calls), I could recieve an actual phonebill. First there was some crap about me being a foreigner and it being unacceptable to give me actual phone service, so U-rim told them that we were engaged, so they allowed her to co-sign for my phone…like it was some kind of car loan. After that I had to get a new phone number, since my previous phone number is for prepaid phone accounts only. So now I have two cellphones and two cellphone numbers, damn I’m such a playboy now.

After fixing my phone U-rim and I went shopping for U-rim’s birthday present(s). She wanted a black skirt so we went to like 90 different shops attempting to find a black skirt. You’d think a black skirt would be easy to find…like a white t-shirt or something, but it took forever to find said skirt. I didn’t really mind, since while U-rim was trying on various skirts, shoes, and shirts, and browsing through clothing racks, I was having conversations with the sales clerks in Korean about really bizarre stuff.

Fur (and fake fur) are really popular here right now, so a popular question yesterday was, “무슨 털 입니까? (Musun tol imnika?)” which is something like “What kind of fur / body hair is this?” since in Korean the words for body hair and fur are the same. So they would answer random animals, or tell me it was fake, which would prompt me to ask follow up questions. For example (translated from Korean):

ME: What kind of fur is this?
SHOPKEEPER: It’s goat fur.
ME: (In my most indignant and outraged voice) Goat fur? Goat’s don’t have spots!
SHOPKEEPER: (laughs)
ME: I mean is it some kind of leopard goat or something like that?
U-RIM: (in English)Shut up…

So I repeated this in serveral shops…or I asked them where “man skirts” where located, since recently on a fashion show (or in a magazine) here, I saw said items. However, no shops here in Shinchon or Ewha for that matter carry said items.

After shopping for a black skirt (which netted a shirt, a sweater, a pair of high heels, and a black skirt), we had some 칼국수 (kalguksu) for dinner, and then headed home where we had some brews and watched some bloppers show on TV. In all not a bad day.

Now for all of you back in English speaking lands (or those of you here, I’m going to give you a couple useful shopping phrases and expressions that you won’t find in a Korean phrase book.

무슨 털 입니까? (Musun tol imnika?) - What kind of fur is this?
남자치마 있어요? (Namja chima issoyo?) - Do you have man skirts?
가죽팬티 어디 있어요? (Kajuk penti odi issoyo?) - Where are the leather panties?

Ah one other thing. While we were shopping at one of the large department stores here in Korea, some sales clerks were next to us on the escaltor. They were Korean-Americans, Canadians, or something like that. Anyhow they were speaking English to each other, when one of the girls saw me she motioned to her friend and then they started speaking in Korean, which propmpted me to start speaking Korean to U-rim…the girls hearing me, went back to speaking in English.

If I end up partying too hard tonight, and don’t check back with you tomorrow, have a happy new year people.

I’m a young man, and while I enjoy what I’m doing I don’t see myself teaching in a day care center…uh I mean hagwon forever. “So Wyatt, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

That’s a good question, and I’ve given it some serious thought. Excluding the possible creation of awesome new future jobs, like robocop, or alien bounty hunter, or space business man, I’ve decided that the best job avalible in this day in age is “old Korean man.”

“Say wha~?”

Take it easy an In Living Color cast member! Allow me to explain what makes the old Korean man such an awesome job. Well to begin with, they are their own boss. No one is going to tell an old Korean man what to do. As an old Korean man I would not have to fill out pointless paperwork, or lie to people to keep them happy. Additionally as an old Korean man I can set my own hours. No longer would I have to pass up all night drinking events or rock shows so I could get up early for work. As an old Korean man, I could party til I puke, and then sleep in the next day.

Additionally as an old Korean man, extreme drunkeness is tolerated…nay, encouraged! So I am allowed to spend my day in anyway I please, as long as I have some brew with me.

Furthermore, Korean men (old men in general get to spit on the street). In doing so, they make such an awesome noise. It’s kind of like “HWAAAAAAKKK!” and then they spit. Such an awesome, awesome noise!

“So what, hobos can do all of that shit too! What makes an old Korean man such a great job?”

Oh, a hobo is a pretty sweat job as well, but an old Korean man has something a hobo doesn’t have…style! I refer you to figure 71-D.

Seriously, look at that picture! Who wouldn’t want have a job where your uniform is the above picture! Damn think of all the ladies that would be up on my jock if I looked like that…wait a second, why wait? I’m off to go purchase some plaid pants. Later peoples!

Run Carrot - Oi!
Rating: 6.5
Label: Cujo Entertainment
Release Date: April 2001
Relevant Links: Run Carrot Info (in English).

BALIFF: Case 6823-7A: The People verses Run Carrot. All rise for the honorable judge.

JUDGE: You may be seated. Run Carrot, you are charged with false advertising and decieving the public. How do you plead? Not guilty eh? Alright then, let’s proceed…prosecution you may begin.

PROSECUTOR: Thank you your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Run Carrot are guilty if deliberately decieving the general public with the title of their album, Oi! Over the course of this trial, I will demonstrate how this band is nothing like an oi-band, therefore making this album’s title the biggest deception in titling since The Never Ending Story.

I present exibit 37-B, the album cover. Just look at that grainy black and white photo. One of the defendants is sporting a leopard print dye job, and the title and band name is scrawled across the front in what forensics has to determined to be spray paint. This album clearly looks like any other street punk album, but if we were to put it in the first groove and let it wail, we would quickly learn that this album is anything but another street punk album.

I present exhibits 103A-103G, the songs of Run Carrot. The bassline and frantic guitars are pure Green Day and Blink 182, not the Damned, and the lyrical delivery are bordering on emo, not oi, particularly the plantive crys of “Blue sky! Blue sky!” at the close of the song.

“내게 무얼 마라니,” and, “말보로 인생,” continue the band’s foray into the realm of punk, but again, these songs are more melody than mohawks. They are fast songs, with moments that would be opportune for shouting “Oi! Oi!” yet Run Carrot, do not do so.

“시발놈아,” comes the closest to using the word…syllabel…phrase, “oi,” but after careful analysis, it is clear that they are saying, “ah!” not “oi!” While the two are close and “ah” is almost “oi,” a wise man once said, “Almost only counts in horseshoes and handgernades.” That being said this song is the most drunk punk song on the entire album. The lyrics are comprised of Korean profanity (the title alone could be translated to something like, “Fucking Bastard,”) something like “Fucking Bastard! Fucking Bastard! Fuck off!”

“Oh Got You,” is back into the realm of punk pop, with harmonies for God’s sake! You have the nerve to name an album Oi! and then put Beach Boys-esque harmonies on it as opposed to vocals that sound like Cookie Monster vomiting razor blades…for shame Run Carrot!

“I Got No Pay,” and “20살까지만 실고 싶어요,” and both some 3 minute punk pop tunes. Again they owe a debt of gratitude to the Offspring, most certainly not the Exploited. The songs are catchy as hell, and anthemic, but again lack any use of “oi!”

In closing, Run Carrot are not an oi band. This makes them guilty of not only false advertising, but of crafting seven upbeat, catchy punk-pop tunes that are dangerously infectious. I rest my case!

JUDGE: Council.

DEFENSE: I’ve go nothing.

JUDGE: Then jury you most deliberate.

JUROR 7: No need, your honor. We find the defendants guilty of the crimes of creating catchy skate punk tunes.

JUDGE: Then I have no choice but to throw the book at you, Run Carrot. I sentence you to a leg of the Warped Tour!

Editor’s Note: This court case in addition to be incredibly poorly written is completely fictious. Run Carrot are a real band with an album named Oi!, which sounds like Blink 182 or Green Day, most certainly not an oi band. Aside from that, everything else was a figment of the author’s imagination.

So I’m on vacation now…less than one hour and brew has already been consumed, this vacation is shaping up to be one I won’t remember.

So today was the last day of work, which was pretty outstanding. In class we had a Christmas party, which means the kids ate some snacks made some hastily assembled Christmas cards and did a grab bag. I then gave them a report card and a candy cane and called it a day…week…year, whatever.

Of course there was the class where only one student showed up, so for that class she made her card and colored some Santa Claus pictures while I drank coffee and read a book (more on that later).

In addition, today I wore a suit to work…mainly due to the fact that I haven’t done laundry in like 2 weeks, and a suit seemed more appropriate for work than a Transformers t-shirt and zip-up hooded sweatshirt. Anyhow all of the moms who were picking up their children proclaimed that I looked extremely handsome in my suit, so if things ever fall apart with U-rim, and I feel the need to get with a Korean m.i.l.f., I now know all I have to do is wear my suit.

In other randomness, I finally found a Korean name I like. As I mentioned earlier, I’m currently reading 삼국지 (三國志). It’s a quasi-fictious account of the warring states period in Chinese history. This tale is emensely popualar (even to this day) across most of Asia. It has been made into movies, cartoons, video games, and comic books. So anyhow I am reading a comic book version designed for elementary school boys, and it was in this comic book that I learned the Korean version of the awesome name Guan Yu. So from this point forward, I want my Korean name, to be the Korean version of this awesome dude’s name, 관우. Anyhow, I’m on vacation now, so that means I have beers to drink and laundry to wash.

Various Artists - Queen Teenage Visual
Rating: 5.0
Label: Queen
Release Date:
Relevant Links:

Mediocracy is really difficult to write about. A really outstanding or terrible work invokes some sort of feelings and is therefore much easier to write about. That being said, it is with a sense of indifference I present this review.

Before I get started, it is critical that you understand the premiss of this album. Queen Teenage Visual is a compilation of visual rock, better known by it’s Japanese title, visual kei. Prior to my discovery of this album, I was under the impression that visual kei was only popular among teenage Japanese girls, and Japanese pop culture obsessed westerners. Much to my surprise, there are enough Korean fans of this music that a handfull of Korean bands doing visual kei exist.

So you are still wondering what visual kei is exactly. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but, like the title suggests it is music that relies heavily on theatrics and (big surprise here) visuals. Some of the bigger names in this genre are Gackt and Dir en Gray, both Japanese. Please bear in mind that I am only assuming that they are big since I, who could give two craps about this style music, have heard of them.

As a point of compairison, these bands look like a cross between Marilyn Manson, Shout at the Devil era Motley Crue, and that goth / vampire kid in your 11th grade English class. But this only speaks of their look. What does it sound like you ask? In general visual kei takes 80’s glam metal to use as the basis of their sound. Onto this they graft on orchestral and opera elements. The end results come out sounding like some kind of final boss video game music. But the sound is pretty much irrelevant, since as we have already discussed, this genre is refered to as “visual” rock. Perhaps a better moniker for visual kei would be, “beautiful asexual men that teenage Asian girls (and chunky western Japanophiles) can have crushes on and swoon over,” rock, since that is pretty much the premise behind these bands. Get a bunch of asexual pretty boys in spandex and cloaks and the girls will just go ape shit. It often seems that the music takes a backseat to the kabuki theatrics, big hair, and oddly shaped guitars.
That being said, here’s a review of Korean bands, doing visual kei…such a pointless review begins…NOW!

The album offers up 10 tunes by 6 different bands, so in most cases we get to sample a couple tunes from each band. The band Kloud offer up the most dramatic songs on the album. They’re all synthesizer string sections and 80’s hard rock “meedley meedley” guitar solos. And, one of their songs has a harpsicord in it…I’m not even joking! For those of you in Japan who know who or what Gackt is, Kloud sound a lot like him.
Ray offer up two songs as well. In “High,” the singer’s inflection is really strange (the first time I heard it, I wondered if he was singing in Japanese). Musically that track is more over the top visual rock (though not as extreme as Kloud). I actually liked the other Ray song, “Get Your Mind.” It is a lot more straight forward in it’s rock and stays clear of the faux orchestras.

Lluvia are not so courteous. They provide a pair of tracks, a good 80% of which sound like they were made using a Casio keyboard and a laptop.
Guyz (yes, with a Z) vere into the realm of techno metal. The riffs in “Come on Back,” sound like they could have been a Judas Priest song, but on top of these riffs are all sorts of weird keyboard space noises and electronic drums. Their other track, “Virus,” mixes quasi nu-metal with more space noise, and a really 80’s sounding rock chorus. The singer goes from sounding like Adrenaline-era Chino (singer from Deftones) to Sebastian Bach (singer from Skid Row) at the drop of a hat.

The band Skinship offer up some quasi rap-rock nonsense (Kid Rock not Rage Against the Machine) with 80’s guitar solos. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this band us their name. Skinship (스킨십) is such a Konglish word! Like Voltron, it combines two lesser words: “skin” and “relation(ship)” to form the mighty skinship. At first I understood this term to refer to sexual intercourse, but apparently it refers to any and all touching (holding hands, kissing, hugging, ect.) regardless of gender or age. So when 5 year old boys in my class run up and grab my arm, they are demonstrating skinship…whatever.

The Mad Fret song sounded so much like Metallica, I half-expected James Hetfield’s mustachioed growl to kick in. It did not. Instead I was treated to some eunuch sounding dude (it might have actually been a woman) that would have made Geddy Lee (from Rush) proud.
I’ve listened to a lot of contemporary Korean music (rock, rap, pop, metal, and everything in between), and out of everything, this was the first album that sounded really foreign. Pop a Korean indie CD in and you’ll hear Nirvana and Radiohead’s fingerprints all over it. Listen to Korean pop music and you’ll hear similarities to the top 40 nonsense on the radio in America. This CD was unlike anything I’ve previously heard, but perhaps that is because these guys are borrowing Japan as opposed to the West.

With the Christmas holiday fast approaching, I have become increasingly busy at work. The end of the year also coincides with the end of the marking period. I therefore am up to my ass in tests to grade and report cards to draft. Now here is something that’s annoying about teaching in this land.

Two weeks ago I had to write up progress notes, so my boss could call home and tell the parents how their kids were doing. At the time I thought this was awesome since the most time consuming part of report cards is writing the comments. So I figured that it was great to get them out of the way prior to the end of the semester.
This was not the case however. I gave her some report cards I assumed to be finished. She inquired as to the where-abouts of the comments. So I told her I thought they were unneccessary, since she had called home and told the parents the same thing I would be writing the same thing. In addition being in Goyang-shi none of the parents can speak, read, or write English, so my comments are just a formality…like most things that go on at hagwons, it’s just for show and has no real purpose…much like the entire testing and report card thing. They take level tests, but no matter how poorly they do they move up a level. Additionally with the report cards, I can not be completely honest, since the students are paying to attend classes there. If I write something the parents don’t like, the kid doesn’t come back. So I have to spend at least 2 hours writing these stupid report cards the parents can barely understand, but I can’t be frank, in the off chance that the parents own a Korean-English dictionary.

So we got today’s annoying aspect of teaching in Korea out of the way…now on to the awesomeness! On Monday I seriously yelled at one of my students. He is kind of a bastard, and on Monday told me to “shut up.” I’m not really down with that kind of rudeness and let him know. He started to cry, and apologized, and in the end I felt a little bad about it, but it was what had to be done.

Anyhow today, the kid came back, and was well behaved. At the end of class, his mom was there, and she apologized for her son’s behavior, and then thanked me for setting him straight. In America, I would probably have had to write up all kinds of paperwork, and have some parent teacher meeting, but here…I was praised for screaming at a kid. So like some fool said, you have to take the good with the bad…I’m off to write some report cards!

Yesterday I went back to 북한산 (Bukhansan) with Beer Campus 아저씨 and his wife. It was nice to get out in nature again, but the bigger story of of yesterday would be the fact that I paid a visit to a 찜질방 (jjimjilbang).

“What’s a 찜질방?” you ask. Well my friend, a 찜질방 is kind of like a sauna. There are all the rage here in Korea. After a long day of whatever (in our case, mountain climbing), you can head over to the 찜질방 and unwind.

So the story goes something like this, anytime you go on a sojurn with Koreans, things automatically get tacked on. For example, if you plan to go hiking with some Koreans, you will automatically end up having dinner as well. If you meet some college aged people to go to a movie, chances are they will suggest coffee or beers afterwards. So after hiking, we were drinking some 막걸리 (a kind of rice wine), and it was suggested that we head over to a 찜질방. I figure, “What the hell…” and we head off to the 찜질방.

So like I said it’s kind of like a sauna, but before you can go sit in a hot ass room, you have to shower up. Being an American, I have learned to be shameful of my body. I am not a fan of public showers or being nude infront of other people. This is compounded here in Korea, where being white people are constantly trying to check my junk out (I’ve had guys peer over dividers at urinals to try and scope my d). Anyhow the same shame is not held by Koreans. In the five minutes it took for me to shower, I saw more naked Asian men than I have seen naked Asian women in my entire life (including any Asian porn actresses I’ve ever seen).

After showering I put on some white loaner shorts and a t-shirt, and headed into the 찜질방 proper. Holy crap! That was some of the hottest temperatures I’ve been in…voluntarily that is. At first I couldn’t understand why any sane person would want to sit in a hot, cave like room, but after a couple minutes I actually started to enjoy it, so I laid in the heat, listening to Peterpan Complex and Nirvana and sweating my ass off. The most awesome thing about this room was the manner in which it was heated. There was a pile of hot rocks on a trolley track that every so often would be trollied into a furance to be reheated.

Now the 찜질방 is not just the super room. There was a second area, that was room temperature. This room had some huge TVs, snacks, games, ect. Being in here was kind of like hanging out in someone’s living room. Aside from learning how to play 바둑 (baduk…aka “go”), which allegedly one of the most challeging games in the world (I think it was dubbed as such in Good Will Hunting, or some other award winning movie I wanted nothing to do with), I was not to fond of the non-heated room. Like I said it was like hanging out in someone’s living room, so that means there were too many kids running around being loud, and people eating hard boiled eggs (it’s tradition, or the cool thing to do, to eat hard boiled eggs in a 찜질방). I really have an emense hatred for hard boiled eggs, and don’t really find bellowing children (or Korean soccer games) relaxing, so I spent most of my time in the hot room, rocking out and sweating my ass off.

After several hours, we showered up again, and then I headed home. Aside from the way too many naked men during the showering times, 찜질방 was actually pretty awesome. I think in my coming vacation I may have to head back to one.

So that ends the story, of my trip, but I want to take this opportunity to talk about something that I find quite disturbing…or hilarious (I’m not sure which). I only mention this now, since it is timely and this entry will most likely cause more incidents of what I’m about to talk about.
My counter aside from telling my how many people came to this website, tells me how they wound up here. A good percentage of the people who followed a link here were from a forum I post at, or other blogs (who clearly clicked the go to next blog button), but there are a chunk of people who typed something into a search engine, and whatever it was, my page allegedly had it. Now somethings such as “Kimchi Pictures” or “Korean punk bands,” are things that my page actually has some information on, but there are some that my page is never going to have. “Underaged Korean Girl Sex,” will never be on this page, inspite of the fact that I used all of these words (seperately mind you) in this post. The other thing you will never see is “Naked Nude Korean Man Picture.” I’m sorry, I’m working with an R rating, I don’t need to head into the XXX realm…and if I did, it would be “Naked Nude Korean Woman Picture,” since I’m not gay. Anyhow I just want to give the perverts a heads up. There is not any porn on this site….I think. So, if you were looking for “Hot Asian Anal Sex” or something along those lines and wound up here, I’m truly sorry.

As 2004 comes to a close, a lot of newspapers, programs, human, websites, ect. are begining to look back at the year that was. The good folks at The Chosun Ilbo bring us this allegedly scientific analysis of the top Korean products of 2004.

Cyworld.com was named the hit product of the year by Samsung Economic Research Institute (SERI). Cyworld, a personal Internet homepage service provider, created new terms such as “cyholic,” and has acquired over 10 million registered users within its first three years.
Multi-purpose mobile phones with multiple functions like digital cameras, MP3 players, blood sugar testers, mosquito repellent and urgent message senders were ranked second.

Kwangdong Pharmaceutical Co.’s health drink “Vita 500,” which has been recording 100 percent annual sales growth since it was launched in February 2001, came in third. Fourth place went to the stars of the Korean wave, including “Yonsama” Bae Yong-joon, and fifth place went to large-capacity MP3 players, which have assumed a leading role in mobile audio entertainment.

Cosmetics at knockdown prices manufactured by brands such as “Missha” and “The Face Shop” were at sixth, and a soap opera, “Lovers in Paris,” which enjoyed enormous popularity with viewer ratings over 50 percent, came in seventh. Eighth place was the “Magic Thousand-Character Chinese Classic,” an educational comic book for children. Korea Housing Finance Corporation’s long-term loan program for buying houses came in ninth, and hot and spicy foods like “Peppered fire chicken” (Korean: hongcho buldalk) came in tenth.

The results of an online poll of SERI Internet members and the opinions of outside experts were reflected on the ranking.

(Choi Hong-seop, hschoi@chosun.com )

My favorite “product” in that list would have have to be your buddy and mine, ヨン様(Yonsama). How can a person be a product you ask? Yonsama is big business. The ammount of Japanese tourists he pulls in and the sheer number of products which feature his likeness are insane. So yes, he is a product.

As you may or may not know I teach English here is South Korea. On occassion my students will tell me something that is so mind boggling, or rediculous, that I can’t help but to laugh. Today was one of those days.

My first class of the day is made up entirely of first and second grade boys. They are out of control and usually provide some interesting commentary on life in general. Today when my student, Brian came into the room, he proclaimed, and I quote, “Mr. Dunn…I’m MacGuyver!” I was dumbfounded! I asked him, “Who?!” To which he responded “I’m MacGuyver!” He then proceeded to confirm this by explaining in Korean that he can turn a light switch into a lock picking device, and make a flame thrower out of a pen, a lighter, and some chewing gum. Though this statement is out of control, it makes a little more sense, since MacGuyver reruns are on cable television here, but still I didn’t think MacGuyver was the kind of show that would appeal to 7 year old Korean boys…then again my sister was obsessed with MacGuyver when she was in kindergarten.

But Brian’s proclaimation got me thinking about some of the other insane things my students have told me. Once in a blue moon, the things they tell me are educational. At one point, one of my student’s zipper was down. The other boys in the class proclaimed, “남대문 열었어!” (Namdaemun yeorreosso! / The Great South Gate is open!). Thus teaching me the Korean version of “Is your zipper afraid of heights? / XYZ!”

However, more often then not, their proclimations leave me shrugging or laughing. It was not long ago some of my students were reading something that mentioned “tusks.” They were not familiar with this word, so I explained that tusks were like horns (they knew horns) coming out of one’s mouth, and drew a warthog with some killer tusks. One of my students then decided to try out the word tusks in a sentence and proclaimed, “Japanese people have tusks.” After my trip to Japan I had to fight back my laughter, and agree with this assessment. The interesting thing about this instance, was the student who said this was a 32 year old woman I tutor…

Various Artists - Smells Like Nirvana
Rating: 6.0
Label: YBM
Release Date: September 1997
Relevant Links:

With the recent release of the Nirvana box set, I decided it was high time I review some Nirvana related Korean music…for this reason I bring you a hastily assembled review of Smells Like Nirvana, so come on and party like it’s 1992!

Tribute albums are incredibly risky business. More often than not they are filled with a bunch of unknown bands butchering your favorite band’s tunes. This album keeps both the unknown bands and the butchering to a minimum.

The album begins with Weeper (no, not Weezer) doing a pretty straight forward cover of “In Bloom.” Weeper’s own material pretty much sounds like Nevermind era Nirvana, so I didn’t expect anything too bizare, and figured they wouldn’t do too poorly covering this.

Next up on the docket is Crying Nut. Crying Nut is the big name in the Korean indie / punk scene (Crying Nut were the ones who got big and went on game shows, were played on MTV, ect.) Crying Nut offer up an extremely upbeat version of “Verse Chorus Verse (aka Sappy)” here labeled as “Everything and Nothing.” The Crying Nut version adds a lot of energy to the downbeat (albeit poppy) original version, and save for some heavy accents (”raundry room” verse “laundry room”), the song is outstanding.

Bad Boy’s Circle cover “Polly,” and again it’s a fairly straight forward affair. This is the rock version of “Polly,” not the solo acoustic version found on Nevermind (which is fine with me). Bad Boy’s Circle do take a couple of liberties with the song, giving the verses kind of a ska feel, and tacking on some funky, rock outro onto the song, neither of which really detract from the song.

Bad Taste are saddled with the duty of covering “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” and they kind of drop the ball. The song is kind of hollow, and overall not very impressive. After the first time I listened to the album, I thought to myself, “That was odd, a Nirvana tribute without ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit?’” When I looked at the track listing I discovered there had infact been a cover of it, but said cover was just not that memorable. That being said, the song isn’t really that bad, it’s just kind of mediocre.

The same can not be said of Rainy Sun and their version of “Dumb.” This song is just god awful. To start with, they abandoned all the elements that made up the original version (melody, rhythm, instrumentation, and most of the lyrics) and replaced them with crap. The music is trying way too hard to sound creepy and mysterious, and the singer sounds like the aborted love child of Marilyn Manson and Layne Staley. Avoid!

No Brain bring us back to name brand punk rock, and give us a sneering, vaguely ska cover of “Lithium.” It’s a decent cover, but it’s also clear the singer didn’t pay attention in English class…the dude’s pronunciation is terrible (datsu ok mai wirrr is gud).

Cocore’s cover of “Spank Thru” is dead on. I actually checked the production info to see if the singing was a sample (sort of a reverse karaoke…taped singing, with a band providing the jams) or if the singer was a westerner…neither were the case. Anyhow it was kind of spooky how much like the original this version is.
언니네 이발관 transform “Come As You Are” into a really mellow, laid back pop tune. I could personally invision this version as the soundtrack to some teen drama on the WB about beautiful teenagers with problems.

허벅지 밴드 take the quasi-metal tune “School” and transform it into some crappy funk-rock with wah guitars and some guy who whispers the lyrics. The original version of “School,” if memory serves me correctly, had but 14 different words, and this clown used none of them as far as I can tell. Additionally there’s some Tom Morello guitar scratching bullshit and some equally shitty wrapping. Avoid this track too.

갈매기 wrap things up with a cover of “Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through The Strip.” Inspite of the largely improvised nature of the original, 갈매기 offer up a pretty spot on cover (though they seemed to have done away with the Guitar Institute of Technology spoken word bit).

All in all the album is pretty decent, though some of the song choices are pretty odd. Three of the ten songs that appear were never on any domestic Nirvana albums (though “Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through The Strip” appeared on the import version of In Utero), and In Utero aside from the horrific cover of “Dumb,” (and the afore mentioned “Gallons…” if you want to get technical). The one complaint I have (aside from the lack of In Utero tracks, and the two crappy songs), was the lack of bands. Most of the compilations and tributes I’ve heard in the past have a lot more bands, therefore in theory you are getting more bang for your buck, here with only 10 songs (2 of which were god awful, and several more that were just kind of mediocre) I felt like I was owed more.

Various Artists - We Are The Punx In Korea
Rating: 6.5
Label: Skunk
Release Date: July 2003
Relevant Links: Buy it here.

With 30 bands rocking out on 30 different tunes, this compilation a through look at the Korean punk scene. After giving this disc a listen, it is pretty safe to say that there are roughly four schools of punk in Korea: street punk, ska, skate punk, and hardcore.
Street punk dominates this album (and the punk scene in general), which means the album as a whole suffers from a lack of diversity. I mean one street punk band (in any language) doesn’t sound that different from the next, so without the other non-street punk bands, the album would be boring pretty quickly.
On the street punk side of things, only a couple tracks stand out from the rest. Captain Bootbois song, “We’ll Kick You Down,” is extremely catchy in addition to having an outstanding title. The Spiky Brats, “Together Moshing,” is memorable solely for the fact that the singer sounds like a Muppet. That song is pretty annoying though, so once the novelty of a Muppet yelling “Fuck you! (and/or “Pogo!”)” wears off, the song doesn’t really have a lot going for it. Nonstop Body get points for being the only female band in Korea (save for the illusive Supermarket, a band I have read about, but never actually heard or seen). Suck Stuff, inspite of their band name, actually rock out quite well. The minute and a half “D.D.Y.” is nearly prefect.
However, when it comes to street punk, Rux are where it’s at. Rux have their shit together! While a lot of the other tracks on this compilation are a blur of “Pogo! Pogo! Pogo!” and super fast snare rolls, “우리는 한마음” has melody, riffs, and a singer that can be understood.
When it comes to the ska, I have never been a fan. It always seemed like a regional thing. Ska seems like music for the beach and warm weather. If you live in Orange County and play ska fine, but if you live in New York or Seoul and play ska, you are boardering on being a wanker. That being said, I’m giving thumbs down to Beach Valley and Swell Mob’s. Lazybone mix it up a little bit diluting their ska with some bongos and rediculous keyboards, which somehow makes them more tolerable to me. The worst of the ska bands would be Brassman. Their tune “Summertime,” may or may not have been a Sublime cover, which is just a horrible thing.
This being a punk compilation there are, much to my chagrin, a couple of hardcore bands. Hardcore bands have always pissed me off. Back in the states, hardcore bands were usually comprised of stupid jocks with tattoos, and guys who would be bouncers at bars playing shitty metal riffs and screaming about drinking (or not drinking if they were straight edge), unity, and “bros.” Hardcore in Korea is not all that different. 13steps offer up the track, “Brotherhood,” which is fast as shit for about half the song, until the “bro choir” kicks in about 90 guys (who probably have neck tattoos) bellow either “We’ll fight for changes! Brotherhood!” or “We’ll fight the changes! Brotherhood!” (they are either extremely liberal or extremely conservative…I’m not sure). The other hardcore band, Samchung, offer up some Cookie Monster ‘roids rage tune, that is so over the top it’s comedic….wait a second these guys could probably kick my ass…삼청형들, 동신의 노래는 좆나 좋아! Anyhow, the vocals are what make this song, the thing is no one I’ve played this song for can tell what language it is. I’m pretty sure it’s not English, and my girlfriend (who is more fluent than I am in Korean and Russian for that matter) says she doesn’t think it is Korean, so I’m going to say the dude was bellowing in Mongolian (since they had mad warlords and seem like they would want to form hardcore bands).
With hardcore, street punk, and ska out of the way, the rest of the album is assorted other punk…which pretty much means it’s some suburban skate punk and pop punk. These songs and bands are my personal favorites of the entire compilation. Propeller21’s one minute and seventeen second song, “My Heart’s LOFI” is worth the price of admission on it’s own. Skrew Attack, Stuning Down, and Half Brother also offer up some upbeat numbers you can hum along with, or grind the half-pipe to.
So what’s my take on the whole thing? With 30 bands for the price of a regular CD, you’re really getting your money’s worth. Additionally, this album serves as a really good introduction to a large percentage of Korean punk bands. Check it out!

99anger - Who Comes First?
Rating: 7.0
Label: Skunk
Release Date: November 8, 2002
Relevant Links: 99anger MP3s, Buy it here.

Talk about internationalism. I first heard 99anger when I was still living in America. They are a Korean band who sing in English. Apparently they now live in Canada, but the still play here in Korea from time to time and are on a Korean record label, so here they are.

While most of the other underground bands in Korea are either Rancid/Sex Pistols/Clash inspired street punk (mohawks and leather jackets) or indie rock (Built to Spill and Guided By Voices), neither one really describes 99anger. The band’s sound is more punk than indie, but where most of the other Korean punks are rockin’ out like it’s 1977 in London, 99anger’s punk is more late 80s or early 90s California. The band sounds a lot like Green Day or Bad Religion, and the singer borrows heavily from these two bands in his delivery, alternating between the sneering fake British accent of Billie Joe Armstrong and the vocal stylings of Bad Religion’s Greg Graffin. Outside of the poppy skate punk, the band has some emo elements, though not the “I’m crying into my cardigan sleeve” kind, more the “I’ll scream until my vocal chords bleed,” (”Without You”). And like most modern rock bands, you can’t help but hear Nirvana in a few of the tracks.

As I mentioned above, the songs are entirely in English. This is a common thing in Korean punk and indie, but when compared to some of their countrymen, 99anger are much more natural sounding in English. Granted there are some strange expressions dropped, and the word “fuck” appears in virtually every song, but the pronunciated is much better than a good 90% of the other bands.

Aside from their decent English skill, 99anger differ from other punk bands in Korea, in that they actually write some memorable songs. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s fun as hell to jump around to street punk, but I really would be hard pressed to recall how any of the songs went. 99anger on the other hand have songs that I will get stuck in my head after listening to the album (”Stay Far Away,” and “Watch as We Fall,” come to mind).

This is not to say the album is without misteps. These are most obvious when the band tries to be a street punk band. “Liar,” is the best example of this, with it’s fast guitars and screaming chorus of “Liar, you fuckin’ lying motherfucker!” The only thing separating it from the bulk of the other Korean punk bands is the lack of a red mohawk and dudes yelling “Oi! Oi! Oi!”

Last month I presented to you a rant about me and Koreans and the Korean language, if you missed it you can check it here (we’ll wait for you, just be quick). Ok, so now you are all up to speed on how people respond to my knowledge of the Korean language, I now add another character to that ever growing list.

My school recently hired a secretary named Mrs. Soh (I think). Anyhow she was told that I can speak some Korean, but something must have been lost in the translation, for she is under the impression that I can speak Korean fluently. Everyday went I enter the school she launches into some huge spiel in machine gun fire speed Korean. Now I can usually pick out a view words and get the gist of what she’s talking about, but the speed is just so intense, especially when it’s launched at me as soon as I have gotten of the bus (and am usually on the verge of vomiting, but that’s another story for another time).

Now, I don’t mind she speaks to me in Korean…in fact I’m happy she does since it gives me opportunity to practice. It’s more the speed that bothers me. I understand that she is speaking at the same speed that every other Korean person when speaking to Koreans, and that’s ultimately the speed I want to be able to speak at and understand, but I’m not there yet. Perhaps she didn’t notice, but I am not a Korean. Korean is not my native language, and while I have studied, I am far from fluent. I ask her to speak more slowly, which she does for about two sentences before things start speeding up again. Anyhow all the more reason I need to get my ass into a Korean class. I hope those guy enjoyed my outstanding essay on my reason for wanting to study the Korean language (”HOT GIRLS DUDE!!!!”) and will take me on board, but I’m figuring since I’m paying them they don’t really have much choice.

As you may or may not know, one of the reasons I left America and came to Korea was so I could continue to study Korean, which I have dutifully done nearly daily since my arrival, but there is only so much I can teach myself, so I am applying to a Korean language program at Yonsei University. It had been my plan since coming here to attend a language school, but the coming months will be the first time I will actually have enough time to partake in such classes. So I begin filling out the application. It’s pretty standard fare: name, age, nationality, address, visa status crap, my assumed Korean skill, and so on. The final portion of the application was to write an essay (in English or Japanese) about the purpose of my desire to study Korean. At first I wanted to give them a rediculous, sarcastic answer, I mean I’m going to be giving them money to provide a service, what difference does it make why I want said service. It’s not like when I walk into a resturaunt here and order 냉면 (naengmyeon) the waitress makes me write a short essasy explaining the rationale behind my ordering of 냉면, nor do I have to submit a mission statement anytime I get on a bus. So I was seriously considering answering with “No reason,” which is the answer my students give when I ask them “Why?”, but discression was the better part of valor (or something like that) and I decided against it. My next plan was to simply hand in the following as my essay:

’nuff said!

Again, I thought better of it, so I sat down and began to think. Why do I want to study Korean? What’s wrong with me? It’s not like English or Chinese (in that huge percentages of the world population speak it). Furthermore it’s insanely difficult. When I studied French in highschool, we started reading short novels in the third year. With Korean, on the other hand, I’m still learning new sentence structures on a regular basis, and need a dictionary and grammar book to read and understand anything more than a short article in a heavy metal magazine or a comic book, or a children’s book about poop.

Anyhow then it dawned on me, whatever my original reason for studying Korean was (and it probably had something to do with the picture above) now that I was living in Korea I had a new reason for wanting to study Korean, and that was the fact I now live in Korea, so I hastily assembled an essay about how I am embarassed to live in Korea, and speak Korean so poorly, and how like it or not I am an embassador of the west. I went on to write that I did not want the Korean people, due to my lack of Korean skill, to think that I came to their country for the wrong reasons, and cared nothing of the country or culture. The actual essay was a bit more in depth, but that was the basic jist of it. Oh and at the end I wrote, “Also there are girls that look like this…”

The Real Reason!

Star Vol. 1 - GhettoBombs / Schizo
Rating: 8.5
Label: Ssam net
Release Date: April 15, 2003
Relevant Links: GhettoBombs Homepage, Schizo Homepage, Buy it here.

Ah the split album! There are but three things in this world that rank higher than a split album in terms of indie rock-dom: the split EP, the 7″ single, and of course…the split 7″ single (interestingly enough, the less work one puts into a project, the more indie it is). Anyhow, as an indie rock fan, this alvum was not my first, nor will it be the last, split album I’ve purchased. Split albums are often kind of risky business. More often than not, you know of and like one of the bands, but chances are you haven’t ever heard of the other artist. With things like split singles or EPs, you are not paying for a full album, so your risk factor is decreased. That being said, it was with caution that I purchased this album.

The first half of the album is made up of the GhettoBombs tracks. The GhettoBombs were not the reason I purchased this album. That being said, they are not a bad band, but they aren’t particularly outstanding band either. GhettoBombs are just really generic sounding punk rock, which here in Korea means they pretty much sound like Rancid. Like Rancid, they try to mix things up on a few tracks by injecting some reggae (most noteably on the track “Reggae Music”). Unlike Rancid, but not unlike other punks before them (Rev. Horton Heat, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion I’m looking in your general direction), the GhettoBombs also look toward old school rock n’ roll and rockabilly when things start getting a little too punk. The song “Cheers” has some nice Stray Cats guitar work in it, and manic Jerry Lee Lewis style piano going for it, and I swear to God when the song, “우리여기모여,” kicked off I thought they were going a cover of “Hound Dog,” that is until the ska guitars and reggae organs came in. These elements aside, the GhettoBombs sound exactly like Rancid, if Rancid were to hail from South Korea. Nowhere is this more obvious then on the track “Radio.” This track sounds exactly like “Ruby Soho” and “Journey to the End of East Bay.” Anyhow, enough with GhettoBombs, and on to Schizo!

I saw Schizo play and was throughly impressed, so I headed over to my local indie record shop and picked up the disc I am currently reviewing. While GhettoBombs could be described as a fairly generic punk band, Schizo are a little harder to pidgeon-hole. They aren’t punk for damn sure. If anything, they are closer to being a metal band. They use, “JUN! JUN! JUN!” guitars, and the singer growls like Danzig fighting Cookie Monster. But that’s not all! They have keyboards, and drum machines, and samplers, and guitars that sound like UFOs, and a really hot rocker chick/princess looking bass player. So to summarize, Schizo is a techno-space metal band…with a wicked hot bass player!

Schizo’s sound is a lot more distinct than the GhettoBombs. In the Korean indie scene, only Schizo sounds like Schizo, while there are a ton of bands who do the GhettoBombs, and many of those bands do it better than the GhettoBombs. Schizo (in the isolated world of Korean music) have a distinct sound, yet a lot of their tunes kind of sound the same: crazy disco drum machines, live drums being pummeled, heavy as fuck guitars, and the cookie monster guy grunting and growling in broken English. Perhaps the most interesting track is Schizo’s cover of The Guess Who’s “American Woman,” which maintains the badass bar band swagger of the original for roughly one verse and one chorus before the drum machines and out of control metal guitars kick in. Personally I enjoyed, but they have very little crossover appeal. While other rock bands mellow out once in awhile, Schizo have but one mode: FUCKIN’ HEAVY!

My day began at 8:07 this morning, when I was roused from slumber by a ringing phone. It was U-rim calling me in a panic. She she had apparently departed our apartment moments earlier in a taxi, only in her haste she had forgotten to take her wallet. She said she had money to pay the driver, but needed her subway pass, credit cards, and lunch money, so I did what any decent guy would do, I took a piss (I had just woken up), threw on some Converse and a coat, grabbed the wallet and my mp3 player and began to head towards the subway station. Outside there was some rush hour traffic jam so a taxi or a bus was out of the question. I cued up some “Cosmonaut” by At The Drive-In on my mp3 player and began to run like a maniac (”Cosmonaut” is probably the best running like a jackass tune I have ever heard in my life). Walking I can get from my house to the subway station in about 10 minutes, if I jog about 6 or 7, today I made it there in about 5 (one of which was spent waiting for a light to change). So I got to U-rim, gave her the wallet, got a kiss, and nearly collapsed in exhaustion. It was pretty cold this morning, and when I stopped running, the cold air hurt my throat everytime I took a breath, but like I told her when she called during my walk home, I didn’t mind doing it, and would do it again, but next time she needs to make sure her wallet is in her purse.

As I was walking home (which took about 12 minutes) I got to thinking about this page. I update nearly everyday, but most of the recent entries have nothing to do with me personally. When I first came to Korea, and was writing, most of my tales had me as the central character, these days, I’m more an observer than an active character in most of my writings. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been here so long and have become jaded. I mean the things that I thought were weird and worth reporting are dare I say normal, or perhaps it’s that I have a girlfriend and a routine now, and am getting in less insane situation. Either way the stuff I write about has definately changed, but I think this current arrangement is better for all involved.

Like most people, I have boring days. There are days where I wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, go to work, study, watch Law & Order, have an uninteresting dinner with my girlfriend, and go to sleep. You people probably did the same thing, so you probably don’t want to read about me doing it. So instead of being the “I ate cornflakes for breakfast and then went to class…” kind of writer, on those boring days I’ll hit you with something like crappy English, or reviews of sketchy Korean entertainment, or redankulous Korean news stories, or some other useful information (Korean language crap, history, sociological findings, ect.) That being said, if weird, interesting stuff happens in real life (or I feel the need to be incredibly boring) I will write about my day to day life. Anyhow that about does it from me, I have to go teach some dudes English in a couple minutes. This evening (or possibly tomorrow morning) I will begin a new service to you the readers. In an effort to increase site traffic, I’m going to begin reviewing Korean albums. I have a ton of them that I’m listening to during my commute and writing reviews for, and that should keep the slow news days occupied for a few months. Anyhow thanks, and keep tuning in for more insanity.

There is a pumpkin pie sitting in my fridge as I type this. Say what?! Wyatt, where did you come across a pumpkin pie. Well loyal readers, ever since I made it clear that I was planning to depart my place of employment when my contract runs out, my boss (the one who is not leaving the country in two weeks) has been presenting me with all manner of bribes. Tuesday I recieved some homemade cookies. The other day on the way home we got to talking and some how the topic of Thanksgiving came up. I mentioned how I missed pumpkin pie, and suddenly today she showed up with a pie. She claimed she had too much, but I think otherwise. Anyhow the next couple months should be nice, what with random baked goods occassionally being presented to me.

There’s a new Korean drama on the airwaves entitled “Love Story in Harvard” (러브스토리 인 하버드)! I may not have explained how little I care for the majority of Korean dramas. The acting is more often than not god awful, they are way too melodramatic (it’s not a Korean drama if no one dies), people are far too whiney in them, and guys smack girls around in them (which inspite of the fact that the girls getting smacked are extremely annoying, just rubs be the wrong way). Anyhow this new offering from SBS hits new levels of awfulness. The story which takes place in California…I mean Harvard tells the story of an exchange student who falls for a Korean American…neither of whom can speak English to save their lives. So that’s two additionally reasons I dislike this show. There are enough Korean actors who can speak English well, why not use them instead of the buffoons they have. So needless to say I was not a huge fan of this show, until this news story broke.

The article is in Korean, so I’ll give you a brief summary of what’s going on there. In a recent episode, the main actress, Jung Sol-hee (정솔희), may or may not have inadventantly (or deliberately) shown a little too much of her area in a recent episode. The article provided above says that her pubic hair was exposed, while our good friends over at The Chosun Ilbo claim her vulva was visible.

Here is the picture of the scene in question. Take a gander and judge for yourself, pubes, vulva, or shadow…what’s your take?

Anything that distracted from the broken English, and lack of coherent plot…

I believe it was either Newton or Einstien who said, “The day you forget your camera will be the day when the most photo opertunities present themselves.” Well that’s exactly what happened today. Today after work, U-rim and I went out to do some Christmas shopping (I’m not at liberty to say what we purchased since that would ruin the surprise) at one of the larger shopping areas here in Seoul, and wouldn’t you know, but there was a break dancing contest going on in that area. So I saw people poppin’ and lockin’ and doing the robot and head spins and every other break dancing move avalible.

In addition anytime shopping occurs, poor English is abudant. Some examples, some dude was wearing a satin bowling style jacket (gold colored of course) with a trout on the back and the phrase “I’d Rather Eat Meat!” The other thing I learned today that the big trend for winter fashion in Seoul is the word “Fuck.” I saw countless shirts, hats, pins, and probably pants that used the word fuck as a noun, verb, and adjective. Like the break dancing contest, these sketchy clothing items went unphotographed.

Finally on the way home U-rim decided she wanted pizza, so we went to Pizza Hut and ordered some rediculous Korean style pizza, again no photo. I did recieve some kind of calendar from Pizza Hut which has pictures of all the best random Korean pizzas, so if I ever get a scanner, you people will be in for a treat…or a shock depending on what you think is an appropriate pizza topping.

Anyhow U-rim is wearing a black tanktop and black tights and doing interpretive dancing, so I think that’s my cue to exit stage left. Peace out dudes!

Today I am offering up, as a service to foreign English teachers in Korea, a crash course in classroom Korean. The rest of you are more than welcome to read along as well, and hell…you may even learn something!

So you arrive in Korea all enthusiastic about getting to hook up with a ton of hot Asian girls…I mean teach English. The only thing is, when you get in the classroom, things don’t really go as planned. Perhaps you have a class of complete beginners who don’t know the letter B from a squiggly line, or you have a class of out of control A.D.H.D. boys, or a room of pre-teen girls who refuse to talk. If you are like the majority of English teachers here, you have absolutely no knowledge of the Korean language, but no longer will your lack of language skills hinder you in your quest to teach. I present you with some simple Korean phrases that will help you take control of your class again.

Probably the most important phrase to have in the classroom (and I mean any classroom) is “Be quiet!” It’s one thing to tell kids to “Be quiet!” in a language they don’t understand, but to yell at them in their mother tounge. If you want to be fairly polite about this you can tell the kid “조용히 해! (Joyonghi-hae!)” Be sure to look real serious and use your teacher voice when delivering this line. If the phrase doesn’t quiet the class down, you have to stop be polite, and start being serious. It’s time to break out the big guns: “닥쳐! (Dak-chyeo!)” which could be translated somewhere between “Shut up!” and “Shut the fuck up!” When you bellow this just be sure none of your students are going to narc you out.

If you are teaching English in a hagwon, dollars to donuts says there is some sort of “No speaking Korean,” rule. It also goes without saying that none of the students follow this rule. The “No Korean” rule is one of those things I was fairly lenient about, until it became a bother to me (ie. some mooks talking about Star Craft while I was actually trying to teach). If you fell like going a different route (instead of “Be quiet!”) you can tell them “한국말하지마! (Hangukmal hajima!)” This expression means, “Don’t speak Korean,” and is extremely useful. Two quick notes on this phrase: It works well as an alternative to “Shut up” in classes of rookies, where taking away their Korean renders them effectively mute. The second point I want to mention is that tacking the ending ~지마 (jima) onto the end of a Korean verb makes said verb into a negative command. Here are some useful examples:

먹지마! (mokjima!) - Don’t eat!
하지마! (hajima!) - Don’t do that!
싸우지마! (ssa-woo-jima!) - Don’t fight!
욕하지마! (yokhajima!) - Don’t swear!

I mention the swearing, because chances are, your students will swear at you and think you don’t know what they are saying. Keep your ears open for the following phrases and then bellow “욕하지마!” at them and dish out whatever punishments you see fit.
I was originally planning on putting up a much larger post on Korean profanity (and still reserve the right to do so later), but these are the phrases that are most common in an elementary school setting.
바보 (pabo) - Idiot, fool, stupid! The most common “profanity” uttered by the under 9 set.
똥꼬 (ddong-kko) - “asshole” or “anus.” It’s probably a lot closer to butthole however.
놈 (nom) - Kind of like bastard or “fucker.”
똥배 (ddong-bae) - Literally “Shit stomach.” If your stomach is larger then the average Korean’s you will be called this or…
돼지 (dwi-ji) - pig, or…
뚱댕이 - fatso.
And the big one, this one is one you should threaten to call home about.
개새끼 (gae saekki) - Pretty much the worst word in Korean. It’s like “son of a bitch” or “mother fucker.” Kids utter this (especially towards you) need to get a beat down!

Anyhow this crash course is getting a tad long…and I need to comence to drinking soon, so I’m just going to toss some other useful expressions down here. I’d lie and say later I’d come back and explain things better, but I’m not a liar, so I won’t tell you such things:
말해봐! (mal hae-bwa!) - “Say it!” or “Speak!” If you have one of those silent kids this will let them know that they need to talk. (해봐! is “Do it!” use it for any command a kid refuses to acknowledge).
야! (Ya!) - It’s like “Hey!” or “Yo!” only ruder. You can use this prior to any of the other expressions I’ve given (ie. 야! 한국말하지마!)
들어봐! (deureo-bwa!) - Listen!
이리 와! (iri wa!) - Come here!
일어나! (ireona!) - Stand up!
앉아! (an-ja!) - Sit down!
이제 됐어! (ijea dwesseo!) - That’s enough!
그만해! (geuman hae!) - Stop!
And if all else fails just ask them: 너 죽을래? (No jukullae?) This expression means, “Do you wanna die?” Be sure that you crack your knuckles when uttering this phrase.

Anyhow that’s going to do it for me, since I have other things to attend to. I know I’ve left out some…a lot of stuff a teacher might need to know, but hey I’m not a Korean teacher, but at least I’m making an effort to learn it. I know Korean can be a difficult language, but to those people here, at least make some effort to pick up a little bit. It will make your stay here that much more enjoyable.