Run Carrot - Oi!
Rating: 6.5
Label: Cujo Entertainment
Release Date: April 2001
Relevant Links: Run Carrot Info (in English).
BALIFF: Case 6823-7A: The People verses Run Carrot. All rise for the honorable judge.
JUDGE: You may be seated. Run Carrot, you are charged with false advertising and decieving the public. How do you plead? Not guilty eh? Alright then, let’s proceed…prosecution you may begin.
PROSECUTOR: Thank you your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Run Carrot are guilty if deliberately decieving the general public with the title of their album, Oi! Over the course of this trial, I will demonstrate how this band is nothing like an oi-band, therefore making this album’s title the biggest deception in titling since The Never Ending Story.
I present exibit 37-B, the album cover. Just look at that grainy black and white photo. One of the defendants is sporting a leopard print dye job, and the title and band name is scrawled across the front in what forensics has to determined to be spray paint. This album clearly looks like any other street punk album, but if we were to put it in the first groove and let it wail, we would quickly learn that this album is anything but another street punk album.
I present exhibits 103A-103G, the songs of Run Carrot. The bassline and frantic guitars are pure Green Day and Blink 182, not the Damned, and the lyrical delivery are bordering on emo, not oi, particularly the plantive crys of “Blue sky! Blue sky!” at the close of the song.
“내게 무얼 마라니,” and, “말보로 인생,” continue the band’s foray into the realm of punk, but again, these songs are more melody than mohawks. They are fast songs, with moments that would be opportune for shouting “Oi! Oi!” yet Run Carrot, do not do so.
“시발놈아,” comes the closest to using the word…syllabel…phrase, “oi,” but after careful analysis, it is clear that they are saying, “ah!” not “oi!” While the two are close and “ah” is almost “oi,” a wise man once said, “Almost only counts in horseshoes and handgernades.” That being said this song is the most drunk punk song on the entire album. The lyrics are comprised of Korean profanity (the title alone could be translated to something like, “Fucking Bastard,”) something like “Fucking Bastard! Fucking Bastard! Fuck off!”
“Oh Got You,” is back into the realm of punk pop, with harmonies for God’s sake! You have the nerve to name an album Oi! and then put Beach Boys-esque harmonies on it as opposed to vocals that sound like Cookie Monster vomiting razor blades…for shame Run Carrot!
“I Got No Pay,” and “20살까지만 실고 싶어요,” and both some 3 minute punk pop tunes. Again they owe a debt of gratitude to the Offspring, most certainly not the Exploited. The songs are catchy as hell, and anthemic, but again lack any use of “oi!”
In closing, Run Carrot are not an oi band. This makes them guilty of not only false advertising, but of crafting seven upbeat, catchy punk-pop tunes that are dangerously infectious. I rest my case!
JUDGE: Council.
DEFENSE: I’ve go nothing.
JUDGE: Then jury you most deliberate.
JUROR 7: No need, your honor. We find the defendants guilty of the crimes of creating catchy skate punk tunes.
JUDGE: Then I have no choice but to throw the book at you, Run Carrot. I sentence you to a leg of the Warped Tour!
Editor’s Note: This court case in addition to be incredibly poorly written is completely fictious. Run Carrot are a real band with an album named Oi!, which sounds like Blink 182 or Green Day, most certainly not an oi band. Aside from that, everything else was a figment of the author’s imagination.
