西洋오랑캐

요즘 한국어로 많이 책을 읽어요. 그러치만 만화책와 어린이책 밖에 이해못해요. 그래서 나는 만화책 읽어요. 나는 「삼국지 (三國志)」를 읽었어요. 그책을 읽어 보니까 재미있었어요. 하지만, 내 생각에는 조조가 진짜 나쁜 놈 이었어요. 그놈이 나쁜 털하고 마음 이었어요. 나는 관우 아주 좋아했어요. 관우의 털은 굉장히 좋았어요.
只今, 나는 섹시한 만화책, 「아색이가」와 재미있는 만화책 「짱구」를 읽어요.
어차피, 나는 취했어요 (소주 한병 마셨어요…ㅋㅋㅋ). 그래서 나는 그만하겠어요.

只今 (지금 / now)

I have never been a fan of those “everything I ever needed to learn I learned in kindergarten” Spam e-mails or Chicken Soup for the Soul bullshit, but over the past couple weeks, my kindergarten class has hit me with some amazing pearls of wisdom. At least once a week my students will proclaim that I am “한국사람 (a Korean person).” In spite of the fact that I am white, to them, the fact that I live in Korea, understand Korean, like kimchi, and can yell at them in Korean if they are being unruly, is good enough for them.
At least once a week one of them will ask where I am from. When I explain that I am from America they become confused and will protest (”No! 한국사람이에요!”) So these kids are willing to look past the color of my skin and bestow Korean nationality upon me simply due to the reasons cited above.

On a similar note, last night I met with my adult private students. They use some sort of textbook, and last night we studied the “have to/ should / can / must / ect.” In the text there was some passage about different cultures and things people should and should not due in those cultures (ie. “You shouldn’t point your feet at people in Thailand as it is considered rude”). Anyhow at the end of the passage, there was some discussion questions. One of the things to discuss was the idea of “When in Rome do at the Romans,” and things that foreigners in their country (Korea) should do. Without even pausing both women proclaimed, “Try and speak Korean!”

So foreigners living here, if you want Korean kindergarten students to offer you citizenship, and thirty-something Korean women to respect you more, try and speak some Korean.

Behold! The Yong-sama teddy bear…for those of you not in my room, I’m currently shaking my head in disgust. Anyhow here’s the link:
http://www.brokore.com/joonbear/index.asp

The cheap ass socks and trips to Seoul aren’t enough anymore.

This morning I woke up, turned on the television and was greeted with this horrifying visage:

“What the crap is that?” you ask. Well apparently some fish here in Korea was born with markings that resemble a human face. The only English version of the story I could find was some local news station out of Florida. Take it away Local 6!

Fish Discovered With Human Face Pattern

A fish that has a pattern resembling a human face on its body was found in a pond in Chongju, South Korea, according to a Local 6 News report.

The news of a fish with a human face spread to South Korea through the Internet after a Japanese sports tabloid reported on the unusual fish.

A South Korean newspaper then carried an article about the fish in South Korea.

The fish is the result of artificial insemination between a carp and ayu sweetfish.

As the fish grew larger, the design on the fish reportedly changed to look more like the face of a human being.

Rare markings on a fish are considered a good omen in some Asian countries, according to a report.

Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.

I like this fish mainly due to the fact that it looks like my old high school pricipal, Dr. James O. Jackson. He was a man that most students (and parents for that matter) refered to as “The Catfish.”
Additionally any creature that resembles Admiral Akbar can’t be a bad thing now can it?

Couch - Pogo Till We Fuckin’ Die!!!
Rating: 7.3
Label: Skunk Records
Release Date: September, 2003
Relevant Links:

I’m going to try something different here, I’m going to write this review as the album plays. When the album is finished, so is the review. I’ve previously listened to the album, so this is more an experiment in my typing speed than anything else, since I know what I want to write. Ready, go!

So what we have here is a four song EP from outstanding oi! band, The Couch. With scant over ten minutes of tunes, the Couch pack a lot of punch into this EP. The first song, “청춘이 간다,” is an extremely catchy song with an outstanding hook. At the same time, it retains a gritty beer drenched feel.

“밤의 무법자,” is fast and furious, with a sing along chorus, and more drunken street punk riffs than you can shake a 40 at. It kind of reminds me of Social Distortion for some reason.

“Watch Out,” is my favorite track on the album. Again it sounds like 20 drunk punkers are singing. The Couch can really craft some catchy choruses, and do so again on this track. There is definately something to be said for the simplistic, children’s song like take to the lyrics these guys (and lady) are rocking. Oh the guitar solo in this song is awesome as well.

Ah, we come to the title track, “Pogo Till We Fuckin’ Die!!!” (though the album might actually be called “Oi! Oi! Let’s Pogo Dancing”). This song is fairly typical street punk material, but is a lot of fun.

In all this album is pretty awesome. The Couch rock hard and fast and are outstanding music to listen to while riding a stupid red bike with a basket on it around a major city in Asia.

어제 나는 VCR/DVD player를 싸러 쇼핑했어요. 하지만 나는 겁나게 싼 디카 (digital camera)를 찾았어요. 그디카는 짱이었어요. 그래서 그디카는 쌌어요. 요즘 유림이는 Titanic을 보느라고 Leonardo DiCaprio 좋아해요. 그래서 Gangs of New York을 싸서 봤어요. 그 영화 굉장히 좋아요.

Right now is not a good time to be a foreigner in Korea. For those of you who have no knowledge of local news stories in Korea, there has been quite the brew-ha-ha as of late regarding some drunken shenanigans between some foreigners and Korean women at a night club. Check out The Marmot’s Hole if you have no idea what I’m speaking of.

Anyhow from this tiny shit flame a shit firestorm of sorts has erupted, engulfing the entire foreign community in this shit inferno. Since this story broke I vowed I would not be bothered mentioning it unless I was someone caught up in this shit blaze. Last night, that very thing occurred, when 유림’s mom called her and warned her to watch out about me.

All because some foreigners had a party with Korean girls, drunken (albeit consentual) debaucery took place, photos were taken, and later posted on website along with some fairly derogatory comments. Some Koreans found out about this and got all up in arms. This whole scene is one of those things were no one is in the right, there are only varying degrees of being assholes.

First let’s start with the party people. My understanding is that everything that went down was consentual, and all parties involved we of age. Though the frat party atmosphere isn’t really my scene, I see nothing wrong with what happened at the party. That being said, what the party people did online before and after the party leaves something to be desired.

First off, the posting of wet t-shirt contest pictures is kind of greasy, and some of the comments posted about Korean women were extremely greasy. The number of times Korean women were refered to as “pussy” was sickening. Again, making stupid derogatory posts annomously via the internet is little more than stupid middle school moronics.

Once the Korean media took note of this nonsense is when the shit firestorm really errupted. First off, this story exists purely due to xenophobia. If it was a bunch of foreigners gropping each other (with no locals), there would be no story. If there only Koreans involved, there would be no story. The fact that the whole premise of the story is that it was Korean women being taken adventage of by “foreign devils” is complete bullshit.

What happened was no different from your typical frat party. A frat party with strippers in America would not be newsworthy ever…well at least as long as no one died or was raped, neither of which happened at this particular party.

So because some guys decided to act like assholes with women who agreed to it, and these guys decided to exagerate about and post pictures of their exploits online, a new wave of anti-foreignism has errupted, and this time we can’t hide behind a Canadian flag, because unlike previous GI based offenses, this one was a bunch of English teachers. So party people, internet junkies, and Korean media, thanks a lot!

It is said that every cloud has a silver lining, and so does this story. While 유림’s mother was warning her daughter to watch out for my nonsense, her mother refered to me as “니 남자친구 (your boyfriend)” which is an improvement from my previous title of, “그양놈 (that occidental bastard).”
I’ll be glad when in two weeks time this whole sorted affair is forgotten about…like that GI who stabbed some dude, and I just hope there’s no remake of “Fucking USA” because of this incident.

Korea,

I think as a foreigner in your country I’ve been pretty understanding of the difference in my culture and yours. You want to eat dog meat? Fine. Public drunkeness? Sign me up! Respect for elders? Sure, whatever floats your boat.
I enjoy your food, your language, your pop culture, your history, ect. Like I said, I’ve been pretty understanding, but this time you’ve gone too far.

Alright, there are so many things wrong with that video, I’m not really sure where to begin. Ok first off, sexualizing 6 and 7 year olds? Come on now, that’s just wrong. Parents, get your head out of your asses…that video is so wrong, and you’re allowing it? Come on now!

Secondly, this video is in regular rotation on Korea’s version of MTV. The first time I saw it, it came on after a 채연 video. Now our friend 채연 is some prime mute and whack material, but imagine the horror, if you were unable to finish yourself off and then 7Princess hit the screen….jesus christ!

So Korea, unless you are attempt to lure some of the pedophiles away from Thailand and into your neck of the woods, knock this shit off.

Your Buddy,
Wyatt

Today I was deleting a lot of old emails in my various e-mail accounts when I came across this awesome link my friend had sent me. It had been something I had seen when I was still living in America, and probably is a more accurate answer in regards to what I’m doing in this country. Sure I did want to experience living in another country/culture, and I do want to learn the Korean language, but let’s face facts, things like this are the real reasons why I live in Korea.

That’s right! I wanted some delicious instant noodles….jeez what were you thinking, perverts.

Crying Nut - 서커스 매직 유랑단
Rating: 6.6
Label: Drug Records
Release Date: November 1, 1999
Relevant Links: Buy it here.

There’s no doubt about it, this is a punk album. It has “Woah Woah Woah” choruses, dudes yelling “Oi!” and 2 minute, three chord blowout. But to say this album is only a punk album would be dishonest.

Over the course of this album, it becomes abundantly obvious that Crying Nut is a band who’s members have multiple personalities. They are constantly jumping from genre to genre, like a sex craze monkey jumps from tree to tree looking for new things to fuck. Like said monkey, Crying Nut don’t stick with one genre for too long.

The first track, “서커스 매직 유랑단,” sounds like a punk rock take on Russian folk music (complete with accordians folks), while “강변에 서다” sounds like some sort of ska-metal hybrid.

The amusing/awesome/frustrating thing about this blending of styles is the fact that you will get an old school spirit of ‘76 punk song followed by a smooth jazz number featuring a xylophone. This is an album that keeps you on your toes. Even in their punk tracks, Crying Nut mix it up on you. “배짱이” features (in addition to “Woah! Woah!” choruses) some fuckin’ flamenco guitar work, and “군바리” has trumpets (which aside from doing typical ska trumpet stuff) rock some military style battle calls.

There are moments when all this mixing of genres falls flat. “탈출기 (바람의 계곡을 넘어…)” sounds like a walk through Sibera, complete with some wind sound FX. The song is slow and plodding and pretty much kills the energy the album had going on. This track aside, there are a couple other tracks that are a tad too long (especially for the short attention span of most punk rock fans).

These small things aside, the album is fairly solid. Crying Nut avoid the problems a lot of other artists who the the “everything but the kitchen sink” approach to writing. While others comes across as either too cluttered sounding, or listless, Crying Nut are able to experiment with different styles and instrumentation will maintaining a distinct sounds, and more importantly remaining listenable.

This month, my students are in “winter school,” which means instead of their normal material, they are reading fables and fairy tales, and in theory, writing one of their own. Now this is a good idea on paper, the only problem is, most of my students have been studying English for a very short time and are not overly gifted writers. This coupled with the fact that Korean elementary schools do not encourage or promote creativity, has lead this writing project to be something like pulling teeth.

I finally decided the easiest thing for students (and myself) would be a Mad-Libs approach to writing fiction. What I ended up doing was taking the story they had read, Three Billy-Goats Gruff for example, and omitted key nouns. So “There were three goats” became “There were three ________.”

Once this format was adopted, the students seemed to be down with it, and tried to come up with the most bizarre stories they could. Three Billy Goats became the story of three robots who had to get past a lion living in an igloo so they could eat octopuses (octopi?) in a field.

At first the lion was living in a house, but when someone recalled the word igloo, they all decided that an igloo was a better dwelling for a robot consuming lion. It was like the kids wanted to use the weirdest words they knew, which is pretty much what I do when I write in Korean. I can’t count how many times I used 仙人 (선인 / Taoist immortal) or 도깨비 (tokaebi / a Korean goblin) is Korean assignments.

One of my higher level classes was able to create a story from scratch, and it was quite outstanding. Their story was about a dragon who comes to a forest and eats a bunch of different animals, before being ultimately consumed by a lion…or at least it was a lion until one boy thought it was be weirder if the dragon ate the lion and the duck was the one who ultimately brought about the demise of the dragon. I had to agree, it made for a much more entertaining read when in the end a stupid duck was the most mighty animal.

오늘은 2005년 1월 12일이에요. 나는 8시에 출근했어요. 9시30분부터 1시30분까지 英語를 가르쳤어요. 1시30분에 맛있는 돌솥비빔밥을 먹었어요. 하지만 퇴근 못했어요. 월요일과 수요일 3시에 유치원생들 가르쳐요. 그수업후에 나는 서예학원에서 갔어요. 나는 1시간 서예를 공부했어요. 공부하고 나서, 집에 갔어요. 나는 집에 옥수수를 먹었고 이일기 (日記)를 썼어요.

英語 (영어 / English language)
日記 (일기 / journal, diary)

每日, 나는 버스 타요. 보탕 버스 타는 것은 800원 들어요. 하지만 오늘 나는 공짜로 탔어요. 어떻게 했어요? 나는 버스카드 있어요. 오늘 버스카드 기계는 upgrade했어요. 하지만 그upgrade때문에 기계는 부러졌어요. 그래서 나는 지불 못했어요.

每日 (매일 / everyday)

Our Nation Vol. 5 - Viva Soul / Pastel
Rating: 6.5
Label: Drug Records
Release Date: October 22, 2002
Relevant Links: Buy it here.

Up until this point, I was under the impression that Drug was a punk label, and that the Our Nation series were punk albums. Apparently that is not the case, as there is very little punk involved in this album. What we do get are an indie hip-hop group, and a female-front disco-pop outfit.

Viva Soul, a hip-hop group, make up the front end of the album. I’m not going to pretend like I know a lot about rap and hip-hop, because in all honesty I don’t. What I do know is that Viva Soul are really awesome. They play some really upbeat, old-school sounding hip-hop. Additionally, they play actual instruments (at least according to the liner notes where the various members are credited with instruments). “Green Hill Ground,” for example, is all about the wah guitar in addition to the record scratching. In a sad testament to how little I know about hip-hop, the only other group I could compare them to is another Korean hip-hop outfit, Epik High.

Like I have already said, I really enjoyed Viva Soul. The one complaint I have is out of their six tunes, one was an 18 second skit, and one was a remix (though in all fairness, the remix has very little in common with the original musically).

I’m a tad enraged I purchased this in the dead of winter, because the Viva Soul tracks are decidedly summer jams, like Fresh Prince’s (Will Smith’s) “Summer Time.” God I’m lame!

Pastel are two women with a guitar and a bass, and a drum machine / studio drummers that can do disco beats…oh and keyboards that do K.C. & The Sunshine Band sounds (fake trumpets and the like). The play really upbeat pop rock, and come across kind of like a less rockin’, more disco version of the goofy Japanese pop rock outfit, Shonen Knife. This is not to say Pastel doesn’t rock out at all. On the tracks “말해,” “Movie Star,” and “날씨흐림,” the ladies of Pastel indulge in some rock, but somehow come out sounding like a cross between Shania Twain and Huey Lewis and the News. The tracks that fair better are “푸른 눈동자,” and “Day dream,” both of which, incidently feature members of Viva Soul.

While past Our Nation installments are tailor made to be listened to prior to heading out to a rock show, or while driving 90 miles an hour and the way to said same rock show, Our Nation 5 is perfect for a dance party. And inspite of my inability to dance (ask about my drunken trip to a goth dance club) I have to give this album 3 thumbs up…er a rating of 6.5.

As you may or may not know / care, I have to ride the bus any time I go to work. Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you. “Fuck yeah, I ride the biz-us to skool everyday bitch!” Get out of here fool, nobody likes your faux-ghetto style! Anyhow, a school bus is a far cry from the insanity that is riding a bus in Korea. I refer now to the excellent text, Ugly Koreans, Ugly Americans, by 민병철.

The so-called “professional drivers” of buses and trucks act as though they own the road and show little regard for Korean traffic laws. The often intimidate other drivers by loudly blowing their horns and abruptly cutting in and out of traffic. Americans, as well as most Koreans, find this lack of courtesy both stressful and dangerous.

“So what happened dawg?!”

Damn, your still here? Well today on my ride into work, the bus driver attempted to change lanes in order to make a light, and in the process cut some dude off, and there was a near collision with the bus, the guy and some third vehicle.

Now, to my knowledge, no vehicles hit each other, though it was an incredibly close call. So the bus, and the two other vehicles all stop in the slow lane. The two cars, pulled over to the curb, but not our buddy the bus driver. He put the bus in park in the middle of the road and then got out to argue with the other drivers. Now there was no damage to any vehicles, but because it was men involved they had to have a contast to see who had the bigger sack (read as they stood in the road and yelled Korean profanities at each other for like 10 minutes).

The best part of the entire situation came in the fact that once the fight had concluded, and the bus driver got back in, he came extremely close to smashing into a car and a motorcycle when he “moved away from the curb” (aka tried to pull into the other lane without looking).

I couldn’t help but to sigh and mutter “You gotta be kidding me!” under my breath. Anyhow my near…um experience gave me a new found respect for life, and made me realize what’s important in life, and that’s a job within walking distance from your domicile.

Today it was back to the office, as my winter holiday came to a close. Today was also the first day of winter school. Winter school, unlike regular school begins at 9:30 am. Since 고양시 is rediculously far away, this means that I have to get up at 7:15 or so in order to shit, shower, and shave, and commute for an hour. It was a little rough going this morning, but in a couple days I will have adjusted to this new arrangement in waking up.

The winter school classes are not part of the regular curriculum, so instead of working with their normal books, the students are reading some fairy tales, tall tales, and fables (stuff like “Three Billy-Goats Gruff,” and “The Magic Cooking Pot.”) It’s a nice change of pace from the nonstop phonics some of my lower level classes are.

Now I’m not one to complain about an early morning, but today in addition to winter school I had to teach my kindergarten class. Due to the fact that the kindergarten students don’t have vacation, their class time did not change. So at 3:00 the kindergarten class began.

Now Korean children, boys in particular, have a facination with all things sexual and excremental. This is something I have come to accept while living and teaching here. That being said, I have one student in my kindergarten class I am sure will end up commiting what in America would be a sex crime.

This child, let’s call him Kevin, is six years old, and is so over the top with inappropriate behavior, it’s rediculous. Like I said, boys are obsessed with their penises here which they so loving refer to as 고추 (gochu [a chili pepper]). I’ve heard boys discussing this their 고추 and if told to knock it off, they do so. Kevin on the other hand will be like, “고추, 고추, 고추, 고추, 고추, 고추!”

Now that’s the kind of kid Kevin is. Today we were reading a book about clothing, body parts, the epic Silly Willy. In said story, the title character is getting dressed, and like all childrens books about dressing, Willy starts off in his underpants. Kevin thought that Willy was a girl and proclaimed loudly, “여자 팬티!” (Girl underwear!), and then proceeded to tell me about putting similar underwear on his head because it smells good. Um…ok buddy.

We carry on, and get to a second book, again about clothing. I figure this one is a safer bet, since it was about outdoor, winter clothing (The Jacket I Wear in the Snow). One of the pictures showed a zipper, which propted Kevin to proclaim, “I have a zipper!” and then unzipper his jeans.

Um…dude, what the fuck. I should have had a 1980’s elementry school teacher’s mustache, or been shaped like the Wonder Year’s dad, for all I had to do was bellow, “Kevin!” and pants were zipped back up. I carried on continuing to read the epic tale, when suddenly Kevin had a handful of Cindy’s ass. I got my bellow on again, and Kevin looked remorseful…that is until there was a picture of the main character from The Jacket I Wear in the Snow in a pair of long underwear prompting Kevin to proclaim, “변태!” (which is Korean for a pervert). I muttered, “Yeah buddy, you are…”