西洋오랑캐

Sometime back in my high school days there was a cooking show entitled “How To Boil Water.” This show featured some guy learning how to cook extremely simple dishes. I would occassionally watch this program, but now that I’m living in Korea, I wish I had paid closer attention. Mainly because most of the foodstuffs they showed oh that show were cooked in a microwave or in a pan, which aside from my rice cooker and a two burner gas range, are the only cooking supplies I have.

Anyhow one cold winter Sunday, instead of traveling to 오리, to meet U-rim, I was told to stay home (”It’s damn cold my honey, I will come here.”) So I did just that. I stayed home, and cooked a dinner. U-rim with quite pleased with the outcome. Since that day she has told me to stay home and cook. Therefore, I have recently been cooking a lot more. Since starting, I have been longing for the days when I had an oven. The average household in Korea does not have an oven, which really limits the kinds of food one can prepare.
I can’t make bread. I can’t do roasts. I can’t bake. In addition, since I live in a major metropolis I can’t barbeque. This leaves me, boiling, steaming, pan and deep frying as a means for preparing food.

Well, it’s getting close to dinner time, so I should go wash my frying pan…again.

二千三年 八月에서 우리 학원은 韓式호텔에서 見學했어요. 저기에서 玄米와, 김치와, 옥수수만 먹었어요. 工夫때문에 學生들은 게임할 時間조차 없었어요. 그러니까 그學生들 화났어요. 그놈들 先生님의 말씀 잘 안 들었어요.

나도 화났어요. 왜냐하면, 每日 모든 學生이랑 洗手해야 했어요. 옷 안입는 少年들 보고 싶지 않았어요. 진짜 재수 없었어요!

For those of you just tuning in, I am presenting a series about the use of 漢字 here in Korea. While China and Japan still use these characters in daily use. Korea, for the most part, does not. Yet Korean school students still learn roughly 1,500 漢字 before entering college. So why is that? So they can know things like this!

Here in Korea there is no such thing as a six-pack. Beer and sodas can only be purchased individually (or in 1.5 liter bottles). So then what are Koreans talking about rock hard abs supposed to do? Enter the Chinese character for king!

Saying someone has 王 (임금 왕) is the Korean equivelant of saying someone has a six-pack. Examine “something for the ladies,” for a better idea of why this character is used.

Something For The Ladies

See how the character fits perfectly in that dude’s abs? 王! I on the other hand am not a 王…thanks to the other kind of six-packs.

1時예요. 하지만 자 못 해요. 그래서 日記를 써요. 오늘 한자공부때문에 이상한 女中學生들 지하철에서 나한테 말했어요. 영어로 그녀는, “와! 너무 좋아요! (Wow! Very good!)” 말했어요. 그學生들 웃기 옷 입느라고, 나는 웃었어요.
어차피, 지금 난 피곤해요. 여러분, 예쁜 꿈 꾸세요. ★

女中學生 (여중학생 / female middle school student)
時 (시 / hour)
日記 (일기 / journal)
地下鐵 (지하철 / subway)

Every so often I have a day that reminds me of why I hate mass transit. Today was one of those days. More often than not, it is the bus end of the mass transit system that pisses me off, and today was no exception. I headed off to work early to get some grading finished up, but the Metropolitan Bus System had other plans for me since I ended up waiting for a bus for 35 minutes (as opposed to the 5 minutes I wait any other day of the week). The bus that finally picked me was loaded well beyond a level that would be deemed safe in America, so therefore we had to stop at ever single stop on the route. So the bus ride (which normally takes about 20 minutes) ended up taking close to 40 minutes. Needless to say I did not get to grade the papers I had planned on grading. But today I’m not going to dwell on the negative. Instead I’m going to explain why the subway is so awesome (especially when compared to the bus).

The first thing I like about the subway is the convience of it. It’s more frequent then buses, and due to the fact that everyone owns a car in this country, tends to get you where you need to be a lot faster. The one downside is the fact that the subway stops running at 1am on weekdays and 11 or 12pm on weekends (I’ve heard conflicting reports). This is only a problem to me since I rocked New York, where the trains never stop running (though on occassion take you all kinds of ass backwards ways due to “construction”).

The second reason I enjoy the subway is the fact that I don’t get sick on the subway. Buses make me extremely nauseous, and therefore while riding the bus I am pretty limited in what I can do: sit (or stand) and listen to music. On the subway I can study, read, play gameboy, practice 漢字, cook a three course meal, preform open heart surgery, ect.

Additionally people on a subway are a lot more likely to attempt to speak to foreigners than people riding the bus are. I’ve had countless conversations with random people on the subway (including one that ended up with me getting a girlfriend I am still seeing) while a grand totally of zero strangers have spoken to me on the bus.

But all these things pale when compared to the fact that the people watching is much more enjoyable on the subway. On the bus it’s hard to watch people, since the seats are arranged so that one can only see the back of the person in front of you’s head. The subway trains have rows of seats facing each other, making it easier to see what’s going on. Additionally the subway has a host of weirdos on it.

Riding a bus one will never encounter guys selling Q-tips, bandaids, knives, umbrellas, gloves, atomic weapons, and so on out of a suitcase.
One will never see a “blind” beggar on the bus trying to earn some coin by blasting Christian tunes on a small boombox, but this guy (and others like him) are on every single train in Seoul.

In conclusion, to those who are in charge of the subway system, please build a line out to 고양시, I really don’t feel like taking a bus anymore.

- 韓國은 日本에서 배용준으로 유명해요.
In Japan, Korea is famous for Bae Yong-jun (Yon-sama).

- 日本은 美國에서 스시 (sushi)와 만화로 유명해요.
Japan is famous for sushi and manga in America.

- 이집은 갈비로 유명해.
This restaraunt is famous for kalbi.

- 평양은 냉면으로 유명해요.
Pyeongyang is famous for naengmyeon.

- 가수 유니는 굉장히 큰 가슴으로 유명해.
The singer U;nee is famous for her rediculously huge chest.

韓國 (한국 / Korea)
日本 (일본 / Japan)
美國 (미국 / America)

Today I moved on to the next level in my study of calligraphy. When I started back in September of 2004, I had to practice various brush strokes on pieces of newspaper.

Once I had mastered those strokes I moved on to writing various 漢字 on paper specifically designed for calligraphy. Again these 漢字 were learned systematically First were characters that used only horizontal and vertical lines (一, 十, 王, 士, ect.). Then came the characters that used a right angle (日, 曰, 田, ect.) I continued on in this manner, until today.

Today I was presented with massive reems of calligraphy paper and the book 千字文 (which is something akin to “The Thousand Character Text”). So I’m now working my way through that.

Additionally today at lunch my boss (a Korean-Canadian) proclaimed, “Let’s only speak Korean during lunch, so you can practice more.” So during lunch we had to rock conversation in Korean which was decent, since we talked about (in no particular order) the melting polar ice caps, how I wanted to be a palentologist when I was a child, and foreigners who don’t learn Korean (or like Korean food) yet teach in Korea.
My students were all really whiney today for some unknown reason, save for the kindergarten kids (who are usually the most whiney). All of my classes were like, “Mr. Dunn…..game! No homework!” Then I’d be like, “Get your notebook and pencil out of your bag,” and the kids would literally moan, “Hoo….싫어 (”I don’t like it,”). When the day was finally over, I headed home and practiced some calligraphy, and made a huge mess in the process.

So anyhow 유림 will be home soon, so I should probably clean up, do the dishes, and scrub the ink stains out of the sink.

Propeller21 - We Are Moving On Forward
Rating: 9.2
Label: Skunk Records
Release Date: 2004
Relevant Links: Propeller21’s Homepage

We Are Moving On Forward is 11 minutes of punk pop madness. It rocks hard and fast, yet is catchy and infectious enough that you’ll be humming it as you run through the streets in Converse sneakers.

After hearing Propeller21’s outstanding track on We Are The Punx in Korea, I made it my it my mission to locate more tunes from these guys. I scored this EP, and it has not left my player since.

The first track on the album, “Dirty (Pop is Dead),” is a crunchy, Weezer-esque poppy number, which is almost laid back. If “Dirty (Pop is Dead),” was laid back, the second track, “ThreeBluePig” is anything but. It’s a track tailor-made for skateboarding, riding a bike, or running through a city. Fast and furious, it also includes the best chorus on an album…ever!

Lose some weight and wake up fat ass
I will bust your head
tell mom to suck your cock, fat ass
I will bust your head

I mean “I will bust your head?” How can you not dig that? It’s worth mentioning that all of the songs are sung in English, though without the lyrics sheet, you’d be hard pressed to know what is being said.

The other two tracks on the album (”Last,” and “Someday,”) are more fast, in your face anthemic punk, but the surprising thing about this is, for as fast as it is, the songs are extremely melodic. Each of the tunes on this album (including the piano outro after “Someday”) are ladden with pop hooks.

This album is outstanding, and I am looking forward to hearing more from these guys.

오늘은 설날 이었어요. 그래서 저는 登山했어요. 저는 山에서 神仙을 만났어요. 저는 겁나게 놀랐어요. 저는 神仙이랑 막걸리 마셨어요. 그神仙은 술때문에 吐했어요.

登山하다 (등산하다 / to hike; go mountain climbing)
神仙 (신선 / a Taoist immortal)
吐하다 (토하다 / to puke)

Seo Taiji - Take 2
Rating: 8.2
Label: Yedang Entertainment Company
Release Date: July 7, 1998
Relevant Links: Seotaiji Homepage

To say Seo Taiji is a legend in Korea is an understatement. I’ve seen articles that compare him to Micheal Jackson, Kurt Cobain, and John Lennon all in the same breath. He has been one of the most influential artists in the history of Korean pop music.

With his group Seotaiji and Boys (서태지와 아이들), he brought new styles of music (rap, alternative, metal, etc.) to Korea. The group became one of the most popular and respected groups in Korea.

Take 2 is Seo Taiji’s first go at it alone (the “Boys” are no where to be found on this disc), and he turns in a solid effort. While Seo Taiji’s past discs have offered up hip-hop, ballads, rockers, and so on, this album is a straight rock album (sorry ladies, no smooth r&b ballads).

Of the nine tracks on the album, only six are fully formed songs. The tracks “Maya,” “Radio,” and “Lord,” are kind of half formed intermissions, but even those 30 second tracks are awesome. “Radio,” had about 4 or 5 awesome riffs in it’s brief play time.

As for the actually songs, the bulk of them tend to stay in the alterna-rock circa 1996 realm. The songs “Take One,” “Take Five,” and “Take Four,” would have been at home at any alternative rock station in the mid to late 90’s. I can easily invision “Take Four,” being played between Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Pearl Jam tunes. The track “Take Three,” with it’s hefty low end, chunky riffs, and bizarre squeally guitars would appeal more to fans of Korn. “Take Six,” is an upbeat punk pop tune (cough Green Day cough cough), albeit with actual singing.

And what would an alternative rock album be without a secret song? This album features one more (unlisted) instrumental track to close out the album.

While it’s easy to hear a lot of influence from American artists, Seo Taiji is able to take those elements and put his own stamp on them. The end result is a fairly unique album.

Back in the States, my DVD collection included GI Joe: The Movie, Robotech, and some Godzilla movies. I saw nothing wrong with still enjoying crap from my childhood, so when I came here, I was curious what kind of crap Koreans my age grew up with. Aside from a few comments from my girlfriend (”All children love ALF,” “Oh…the SMURF!”) I had no idea what Koreans my age grew up with….that was until I picked up three craptacular giant robot DVDs in a subway station for 10,000원 (less than $10US).
So it’s the lunar new year vacation now, with my girlfriend, friends, classmates, teachers, and co-workers out of town, I’ve been left to my own devices, which means it’s time for alcohol and early 1980’s Korean animation! Let’s party!

썬더-A (Thunder-A)
I mentioned this briefly in a post yesterday, here’s what I recall from that movie. Basically the entire thing was a crappy Gundam rip-off (read as, “there was a giant red, blue, and white robot that kicked some ass).
Additionally you could tell this movie was apeing 1970’s Japanese animation by the fact that there was some completely pointless fat kid sidekick who did nothing to further the storyline aside from eating peanuts.
The best things about this cartoon were the fact that 썬더-A destroyed one enemy spaceship by giving it a 똥침 (the Korean “game” where someone rams their fingers up anothers anus), and some kid tried to do taekwondo on a robot and continued to do so even though he injured himself each time he hit the robot. Additionally this cartoon feature what would have to be the screamingest protagonist I have ever witnessed in a movie. He was all like, “가자!!!!!!!!!!!!! (LET’S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)” Totally awesome!

지구호 (Jiguho)
This film technically did not feature a giant robot. What it did have was a Captain Harlock type flying space pirate ship. Additionally this awesome film included a viking helmet clad enemy who had cancerous Cobra Commander looking minions.
Like 썬더-A before it, this film featured some pointless sidekicks. This time instead of a doofy looking kid we were treated to a teddy bear who came to life and a stupid looking robot (not giant) who I am pretty sure was named, Kunta Kinte. And if that isn’t enough, the kids in this story lived on a planet shaped like a walnut.

건담 V (Gundam V)
Well this movie might have been called Gundam, the actually robot was a total ripoff of the robot from Macross (better known to American children of the 80’s as Robotech). I mean the robot even had the same logo on it. Anyhow I didn’t really care for this movie. Aside from the fact that it was longer than the others, and the DVD was kind of choppy at the end, it featured two really disturbing things. First off there was a fat kid who got pantsed by a bulldog. Secondly, and more disturbingly, there was a scene in which a kindergarten aged girl was clad in a bikini, and for whatever reason had cleavage. Dudes…what the shit?!

Anyway I learned a couple things during this film festival. The first is that if I want to be a 박사님 (博士 / professor) of space or robotics in the future in Korea, I’d best get working on my mustache and sideburns….and buy some brown suits. The second thing I learned is that if I ever want to watch the history of 서태지 (Seo Taiji) on Korea’s answer to MTV again, all I have to do is watch an 80’s Korean robot DVD (each time a film ended, the Seo Taiji special was starting on TV). Anyhow I think I’m drunk so I think I’m going to get my nap on.

Today was one of those totally pointless days at work. Do you kids remember the day before Christmas break? Half the students weren’t there, and those who were knew that they’d be doing no work. That was what today was. Begining tomorrow is the lunar new year holiday (better known in America as “Chinese New Year”). So today roughly half of my students in each class were missing, so all we did was play some games do “free talking,” and call it a day.
My class of older students asked me if I’d be returning to my hometown for the holiday. I told them I would not, and for some reason they began asking me really weird questions about America and food.

STUDENT A: Mr. Dunn in New York, kimchi? (Mr. Dunn, is there kimchi in America?)
ME: Yes, in America you can get every kind of food.
STUDENT A: Wow! Korean food too?
ME: Yes, you can get Korean food, Mexican food, Chinese food, French food, anything.
STUDENT B: Is it kimchi or kimuchi (the Japanese name for kimchi)?
ME: Usually kimchi, but you can probably get kimuchi too.
STUDENT B: Do you like kimchi or kimuchi?
ME: Of course I like kimchi better.

Following classes, I headed home. On the way home I was walking down the sidewalk, when some ass in a car parked on the sidewalk opened a door, slamming it into my hip and knee. In a sign that I am decent enough at Korean when I need to be, I was able to unleash a fury of Korean profanity, the likes of which had only previously been seen in Korean gangster movies.

I left them with the double duce an carried on home, where I proceeded to watch a DVD of some really sketchy 1980’s Korean robot cartoon I picked up in a subway station a couple days ago. The movie, 썬더-A (Thunder-A) was rediculously bad, but featured the yellingest hero I’ve ever seen in a giant robot cartoon.

Anyhow, U-rim has returned to her hometown until Wednesday, so that means I’m alone and without work for several days…I’d best stock up on booze, since I have numerous bad giant robot DVDs to watch. Later dudes.

Prior to leaving America, I formulated a theory about the uncanny relationship between Korea and the state of New Jersey. Allow me to explain.

1. New Jersey and Korea share similar latitudes.

2. New Jersey and Korea have an spookily similar shape. Examine if you will the following side by side comparison.

Jersey and Korea

3. Ask any Korean you know if they have relatives in America. If they do chances are these relatives will dwell in New Jersey (or L.A. but that doesn’t work with my theory).

4. Both are fairly polluted places (well Seoul and the Jersey Shore anyhow).

But all of this was just a lot of Leonard Nimoy, In Search of… shit, that is until yesterday. I was waiting for a train in the subway station. Here in Seoul some stations have large televisions between the tracks that play all manner of nonsense, commercials, subway safety messages, and from time to time music videos.

Yesterday I was waiting for my train to arrive when suddenly some fuckin’ Bon Jovi video started playing.

Bear in mind I’m not talking about some “new school” Bon Jovi. This was “Livin’ on a Prayer” Bon Jovi. This was permed mullets and fringe wearing Bon Jovi. This was Jersey’s Finest Bon Jovi. Upon witnessing that video, my theory was proven.

I finally finished reading 三國志 (삼국지 / Romance of the Three Kingdoms). If memory serves me correctly, I began this in the middle of Decemeber, and read it every day on the subway to and from work (roughly two hours each day). It was well worth it though, since I now know about 5 different ways to talk about fleeing from combat in Korean. Additionally I learned an insane ammount of Sino-Korean words, that my girlfriend had no knowledge of.
When I was in college, I majored in East Asian Studies, and as part of said studies, I took several courses on Chinese history. Therefore, prior to reading this book, I knew how it all worked out, but reading this version, I was surprised at how much I ended up hating Cao Cao (조조 / Jojo in Korean). In a purely historic context he was just a guy who came out on top, but as a literary character, he was (to quote my colonial American history teacher, who happened to be a Korean immigrant) “real bastard.”
Anyhow after finishing such a lengthy, complicated, and difficult book (I was often reading my dictionary more than the actual text), I decided that I needed to do the literary equivalent of getting smashed with your buddies on the last day of finals.
Enter 아색기가! For those of you who are long time readers of this webpage, you may remember me discussing a late night television program of the same name. Well this is the comic that the program is based on.
Here in Korea there are things known as “sports newspapers.” Basically there are the “news” version of something like the Korean print version of The Man Show. In addition to giving scores and reports of all the major games, they will report all the latest sex based scandals and always feature pictures of scantily clad female celebrities. Anyhow 아색기가 appears regularly in one of those newspapers, and awhile back I picked up a book of the collected works of it.
So today instead of reading about the attempted unification of China, I read a book in which vibrators were featured in at least 6 installments, unwanted male anal sex was featured in two, jokes about penis size in 3, and a guy drinking milk in two. The reason I mention the milk guy is that I found his adventures to be the most humorous (whoa, I almost wrote humourous there).
Of the two my favorite is the installment in which he opens his fridge and looks at a cartoon of milk, only to discover that in five seconds it will be past the sell by / expiration date. He then proceeds to chug milk for five squares (each which give a time stamp). He succeeds in his venture, and the last square shows him walking in an office with the “I got laid last night” face, and several of his co-workers whispering.
Needless to say, I powered though this book in like 35 minutes, but before I return to more intense works (西遊記 I’m looking in your direction) I’ll probably read some more pointless works…짱구 (aka クレヨンしんちゃん) I’m looking in your general direction.

Hey kids! Do you enjoy this blog? Do you live in or around New York state? Do you want to meet Wyatt in person? Well now’s your chance!
That’s right, for the first two weeks in August I will be returning to New York for a vacation and to eat some Mexican food. Be sure to mark you calendars, I’ll be looking to drink some brews with some people I haven’t seen in like 2 years.

U-rim is planning on accompanying me on this trip, so yesterday I investigated what she needed to do in order to go to America for two weeks, and here’s where the title comes in.

I’ve traveled to several different countries, and never needed anything more than a valid passport and an airline ticket. The one exception to this was coming to Korea, but that was different because I was coming here to work, not vacation.

America is a different story. In addition to having to fill out insanely long applications, she has to go in for an interview…like this vacation is a job or something. So after learning about this, U-rim was less then enthralled (I don’t think she deals with stress well).

I complain every time I have to go to immigration here in Seoul, but after researching this I realized it sucks in every country.