西洋오랑캐

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ENTRY WILL DEFINATELY CONTAIN LANGUAGE THAT IS CRUDE AND OFFENSEIVE TO ALL! IF YOU ARE PRONE TO SEND HATE-MAIL, PLEASE SKIP THIS ENTRY! ALL OTHERS…PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I AM SMASHED SO IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL, BLAME SOJU! ON WITH THE SHOW!

Like all men, I have a love / hate relationship with the vagina. I enjoy the feel of a vagina, I like what a vagina looks like, I like what a naked vagina before me heralds, and hell I’d go so far as to say I enjoy the taste of a vagina.

On the flip side of that coin I hate what the vagina represents. No, let me rephrase that: I hate the power that vaginas hold over me. Fairly recently I had a conversation with a lady. To put it that I am angry at this woman would be quite the understatement, but within minutes of answering my phone I was telling this lady to have a nice evening, and that I looked forward to seeing her, and to sleep well, all because of the secret powers of the vagina.

Damn the vagina! Because of the vagina, women have such power over men. It’s a lot like those Hawaiian Punch commercials where that fucking psycho guy asked the man in the hat, “How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?” and the guy in the hat would be like “SURE!” Instead of getting a refreshing fruit drink, the “SURE!” guy is treated to a punch in the face.

Men are the “SURE!” guy, and women are the punchy psycho. Offer up even the promise of vagina, and men will become total morons. We know we the punch to the face is comming, but we still have hope that perhaps it will be the refreshing beverage and not a punch to the face so we bellow “SURE!” and hope for the best.

But the best never comes. It’s always the punch to the face. Even when the ladies let us sample some legit Hawaiian Punch, you never know when they will switch it up on you and you’ll end up with a knuckle sandwich as opposed to a nice Hawaiian Punch.

So once again, I say damn you vagina, and the power you have over my sense of logic and reason. Damn you for making me unable to see even the most obviously bad situations comming. But praise to the vagina, for all the hope it gives me…and all straight men, and lesbians for that matter!