西洋오랑캐

Across the street from my apartment there is another apartment building. Living there in one room is a group of four jerks with no shirts. This guys sit around their apartment in front of the huge bay window with no shirts on, so that anytime I am cooking or washing dishes I see them if I happen to look out my window.

Now I have no problem with their shirtlessness. It’s not the lack of shirts that make these guys jerks. What pushes these guys across the possibly gay men with no shirts to jerks with no shirts is their lack of volume control.

A jerk with no shirt. Though not the jerks with no shirts. Taking pictures of them from across the street would have been far too creepy, and would probably be boarding on being illegal.

Each and every night these guys are bellowing and whooping it up until all hours at night. There are nights when I personally don’t mind, as I don’t exactly go to sleep early, but there are some nights when I need / want to turn in early: either I have to wake up early the next morning, or I’m ill, or I’ve gotten a horrible sleep for the past 3 weeks due to some people being unable to control the volume of their voices. When this is the case I feel it neccessary to take out my frustrations on the jerks with no shirts.

Now I could just open my window and bellow something a long the lines of, “야 씹새끼들, 아구청 닥쳐! (Yo you motherfuckers, shut that fuckin’ hole in your face!)” but where is the fun in that? What I usually choose to do is shoot their eyes out with a laser.

What, you think I’m joking? Like I said earlier, from my kitchen window I have a clear view into their apartment. So on nights where they get too rowdy I’ll shoot them in the face with a laser.

For some reason being hit in the face with a laser pointer causes most jerks with no shirts to freak out in the same manner as someone who walking into a spiderweb. They kind of spasm and twitch as they attempt to get the laser off their face. The best results were the time one guy (who was laying on the floor shirtless) flipped out when hit with the laser and in the process knocked over an open beer that was next to him, spilling it all over the place…

Unfortunately the laser broke the other day, so now I have nothing to use to passive agressively take out my frustration on the jerks with no shirts. Guess I’m going to have to bust out, “야 씹새끼들, 아구청 닥쳐!” after all.