November 30, 2005
Good lord, that title looks like it should be attached to some horribly boring academic piece appearing in a stuffy academic journal about Asia! For those of you that could not tell by the frequent profanity and use of such expressions as “get my grub / eat / chow on,” we here at Kimchi & Me are far removed from the academics, peer reviews, and more often than not, reality. So what we are presenting today is something completely different.
As regular readers are already aware all Korea pop groups have to have some sort of gimmic. According to my friend, who is currently a law student at a university in Seoul, this is required under Korean law. Again, regular readers already know my stance on these gimmics, but for those of you that did not click any of the links above, let me give a brief review of my stance: I think all these gimmics are stupid. At this time I would like to modify my previous stance.
I recently became aware of a new singing group known as LPG. LPG stands for Long Pretty Girls (I don’t know what it really means either). This group first caught my attention not because they could sing particularly well, or their song was particularly memorable, but because I was informed that all the members were former Miss Koreas. While this report seems to be slightly exaggerated (two were in the Miss Korea contest but didn’t appear to win, another was in some unrelated beauty pagent, and the fourth seemed to be from some alternate reality Miss Korea contest), all the members are / were beauty queens and that’s what’s really important isn’t it?
See? There’s not a hag in the bunch of them! I can here you dissidents in the audience already, “But Wyatt, there are a lot of other singing groups out there…do we really need singing beauty queens?”
Yes, yes we do, especially when they are attempting to bring the can can to Korea! That’s right kids, in a world where most actor / singers stay in either the light weight pop song or the “I’m a total skank,” musical genres these women (or their musical overlords) are attempting to bring in a foreign style of dance / music that is nearly 200 years old. You have to give them some credit for that especially when the can can presents such awesomeness as this:
孔子曰: When dancing the can can in hotpants be sure to wear underwear with a smaller surface area that of the shorts you are wearing.
That’s right kids, these ladies are bringing the can can out of burlesque houses of 19th century France and into the living rooms of 21st century South Korea. For those of you that actually want to see and hear this all nonsense in action I present unto you, LPG bringing you 캉캉 (Kang Kang)! Enjoy!
November 28, 2005
Some randomness went down this weekend. I don’t feel like typing this like complete sentences, so instead I found this checklist card from the Wyatt Trade Card Set™ and we’re going to check off the junks accomplished this weekend.
Saturday
√ Went to my girlfriend’s house for lunch.
√ Ate 비빔국수 (bibimguksu / mixed noodles).
√ Unexpectedly met her mother and was subsequently interrogated.
√ Went for a bike ride at a creek and was caught in the rain.
√ Had some dinner (김치볶음밥 / kimchi fried rice).
√ Recieved a box of kimchi to take home with me.
√ Returned to my home and watched The Notebook.
Sunday
√ Met my girlfriend for lunch in 모란 (Moran).
√ Encountered my girlfriend’s mother on the street.
√ Got some lunch (만두, 오뎅, 참치찌개).
√ Went to a library.
√ Got some books about really weird stuff: North Korean dialect, the downfall of the Korean language due to foreign influence, and Sino-Korean words used on the Korean pennisula.
√ Headed to 혜화 (Hyehwa) to meet some of my girlfriend’s co-workers.
√ Ate 찜닭 and then headed to a bar for some drinks.
√ Soju Cocktails, and 오십세주 (백세주 + 소주 = 오십세주) . Conversation about completely random junks.
√ Headed home and went to sleep.
That about does it for now. Perhaps a more detailed account of my Spainish Inquisition that went down on Saturday will be written up in detail later when I have the time or motivation to do so.
November 25, 2005
The short answer is no, and neither did I until one of my students in my last class of the day yesterday told me about her annoying school English teacher and how he was teaching them the “th” sound by bellowing the following sentence (be sure to over emphasize the ‘th’ sound): THis THursday is THanksgiving Day!
Upon hearing the sentence uttered images of pumpkin pie, turkey, Macy’s balloons escaping (or deflating), some sort of Nintendo based arguement with my brother all came rushing back. “This Thursday is indeed Thanksgiving…wait today is Thursday. Today is Thanksgiving!”
Thanksgiving is the one holiday I miss living here in Korea. Christmas we have here. New Years we have here (in fact it’s so nice we do it twice). Halloween, in my opinion, as anyone who reads this knows can rot in hell. The other holidays Fourth of July, Columbus Day, Abe Lincoln Day are just random no school, no work, no mail delivery holidays and we have those here too…they just have different names.
Thanksgiving is the only one I really miss, because the premise is so awesome. Eat a lot. That’s all there is too it. Really it’s not that different from the typical day of being an American, but the food stuffs consumed are outstanding (and occassionally you have to dine with relatives you’d rather not have to associate with, but there is a bad side to everything). I have always been a fan of turkey, but since coming here where you might have an easier time finding dinosaur meat to consume than turkey it’s become something I on occassion long for. The same goes for pumpkin pie, though 호박죽 (hobak juk / pumpkin porridge) tastes fairly similar so can fill in when I’m having a pumpkin pie jones…even so it’s not really the same.
So yesterday while friends and family were back in America getting turkeys in the oven and attempting to avoid getting dragged into a conversation with that uncle no one really likes, I was eating 떡볶이, and it was good. In the near future when I have a family of my own I am seriously considering making 떡볶이 a part of our Thanksgiving tradition.
And tomorrow while you are sitting at home avoiding the malls, or stuck in traffic on the way to the malls, or dealing with raving lunatics at the malls (good luck Ailinn), remember half way across the world there are people like me…people who will not be able to have turkey sandwiches for the next four days. People who have no pumpkin pie to cut slivers from in the middle of the night when no one else is awake. So all of you better be thankful that you live in a country that enjoys consuming turkey. This I command.
November 23, 2005
孔子曰: Hey girl! I see you standing over there…mini-skirt, thigh high boots, Louis Vuitton bag clutched in your hand, silky and gleaming hair, face totally made up. Let me let you in on a little secret, none of that stuff makes you any hotter while your friend is holding your hair back as you puke in the street by the subway exit.
November 22, 2005
Everyday at approximately 12:00 in the afternoon I do something that those of you living outside of Asia might find strange and amazing: I eat lunch. Incredibly I know, but it’s true. Sometimes I will eat lunch at my house, and sometimes (this is where it might get unbelievable, but I am not lying to you people) I eat lunch elsewhere. Today was one such day. On this particularly day I headed to a Lotteria.
What is Lotteria you ask. Well my friends and loyal readers, Lotteria is a fast food restaurant owned by the good people at the Lotte Corporation. For reasons beyond my control, in the nearly three years of living in Korea, I had never set foot inside a Lotteria, so to say I was excited about the cullinary delights I would soon be ingesting would be an understatement. I mean just look at these menu choices!
I decided that I would go for the most Korean thing on the menu and with the absence of the legendary “Rice Burgers” (apparently they were a special limited time menu item that I missed the boat on). It came down to a battle between the Kimchi Burger (from here on in known as 김치버거) and the 새우버거 (shrimp burger). The 김치버거 easily took the 새우버거 down, so I ordered and prepared for the cullinary adventure I was about to embark upon.
The wrapper looks fairly innocent. If you can’t read Korean there is nothing here that would lead you to suspect this was anything other than your typical disgustingly greasy fast food hamburger. The Korean on the label proclaims that this is in fact 우리김치버거 (Our Kimchi Burger), but I have to disagree, since I paid for it, it’s my kimchi burger (please note I understand the Korean usage of the word 우리 and am just being sarcastic).
Opening up the wrapper it still looks fairly normal. Compared to the behemoth burgers other fast food chains offer up it looks a little small, but aside from that there is nothing here that screams “this hamburger has spicy fermented cabbage on it!” Some kind of breaded patty is slightly visable, but there is no kimchi to be seen. Perhaps someone in the back made a mistake?
Nope! There’s the kimchi (or at least one piece of kimchi), as well as the lettuce, the pickle, and the mayonaise. The patty looked sort of like those breaded chicken patties that were a staple of lunch in America elementary schools (or at least my elementary school) in the 1980s, it tasted sort of like something that came from the sea, yet the poster proclaimed it was 쇠고기 (beef). So I don’t really know what to think of it. This burger is truly a test of one’s intestinal fortitude!
So over all what’s my take on the Lotteria Kimchi Burger? Well it’s kind of small, so shortly after eating it I was hungry again. I had no idea what the meat was supposed to be. The kimchi that was there was so smothered in mayonaise that you could hardly taste it. The bun was better than those used at McDonald’s, but that’s about it. Unless you, like me, need to experience these kind of “only in Korea” dishes first hand, I’d say skip the 김치버거, and if you have a hankerin’ (I don’t think one is legally allowed to write the word “hankering” it must be “hankerin’”) head to McDonald’s and get their 불고기버거 (Bulgogi Burger) instead.
November 21, 2005
Yesterday was Sunday, and the plan was to head to 잠실역 (Jamsil Station) with 진희 to go bike riding. However the place that rented bikes was going to close shortly after our arrival, so we moved to Plan B: ice skating at Lotte World.
I have not been ice skating since middle school (or possibly earlier), but was more than willing to get my skate on, knowing full well I would more likely than not be on my ass more times than I could count. 진희 and I rented our skates, and then headed off to hit the ice.
The layout of the ice rink was pretty horrible. After putting our skates on, 진희 and I had to go down a flight of stairs, walk a short distance in a hall and then go up another flight of stairs. Now it might have just been the fact that I haven’t been skating in quite some time, but walking up and down flights of stairs in skates isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do…and were this America, would have been an invitation for a lawsuit.
On the ice I fared much better than I thought I would have. I only fell twice (and once was because I was mocking someone else and then fell down myself). So 진희 and I skated while attempting to avoid the old men than were doing speed skating.
After skating for a couple hours, there was some message over the intercom telling all skaters to clear the ice.
“Awesome! A zamboni!” I thought to myself, but it was not a zamboni…no my friends, there was no zamboni to be seen, and instead we were treated to an ice show!
Since there is no Thanksgiving in November here in Korea, the Christmas season has already commenced (which leads me to wonder when does Christmas lunacy begin in other nations outside of America…Canadians I’m looking for your insight in particular)…anyhow I digress. It’s the Christmas season here in Korea so we were treated to an outstanding ice show / marching band playing Christmas tunes. And though none of the pictures of the band turned out that well, let me say that had the Shaker Junior High school band looked like the Lotte World marching band, perhaps I would not have quit playing the French Horn in 8th grade.
So 진희 and I watched the show, and then decided to head out to get some dinner.
Dinner was some 3 year old 김치찌개 again, and after dinner we head to a coffee shop for some coffe (me), tea (진희) and a chat (진희 and I). During the course of the conversation, I learned that Doogie Howser M.D. had been on television here and the characters were dubbed. It was not revealed what Vinny (or was it Vinnie) sounded like in Korean.
After talking about ALF, Smurfs, Doogie Howser, and other assorted nonsense, we called it a night, and I headed home. If you want to see more pictures of me nearly falling on my ass be sure to check out the photo album here.
November 20, 2005
As anyone that has taken the subway can tell you, there are quite a few wackos that ride the rails. Today while heading off to adventure, I encountered such a wacko. A man sporting a sash holding a Bible entered the subway car. He had highlighted all the important passages with a red highlighter, and apparently there was not a single word lacking in importance since both pages that were visible were completely highlighted.
The man walked down the center of the car screaming about 예수님 (Yesunim [Korean for Jesus]), but no one in the car seemed to be interested. At the next stop the man disembarked from the train and began preaching the gospel to the a coffee vending machine on the platform. Sadly I think he had better luck talking to the machine then he did with the passengers on the train.
Ah another fine Saturday afternoon has come and gone here in lovely Seoul, South Korea. 진희 had to work in the morning, so the plan was to met up in 혜화 (Hyehwa) at 1:00, get our lunch on, and then head off to a museum.
As is the case everywhere in the world, a customer came into 진희’s place of employement with a massive problem 2 minutes before she clocked out for the day. Damn I hate those kind of people. So I sat in a pidgeon invested park and awaited 진희’s arrival. As I sat on this bench not only did some stupid pidgeon land on my knee, but some bum came up to me and in bad English asked if I could give him, “one dolla please.” I have a couple American dollars in my wallet from my trip this summer and was tempted to be an asshole and fork over a Washington, but instead I just ignored him.
진희 arrived around 1:20 and we chowed down on some 쌈 (lettuce that you wrap rice and meat and other junk in), and then headed off to The War Memorial of Korea. I had been here once before with Darrell, but we kind of treated that trip like some sort of speed trial, and got through the entire museum in about an hour and a half in memory serves me correctly.
Anyhow, 진희 and I toured around the museum and took pictures of tanks, swords, and dioramas of the horrors of wars…all with us standing in front of them with inappropriate smiles. More pictures can be seen here if you are into such things.
As is par for the course, anytime I travel to a museum, folk village, or palace, I learn one or two fairly useless Korean words, that naturally I am able to retain better than something useful, like the word for “to put something in” (it’s 넣다, but I only recently began to retain this word). Anyhow, like I said I learned some totally useless terms. First up is 문 (門 / moon). “But Wyatt, any first year Korean student knows that means ‘door.’” That’s very good! Yes, 문 does mean door, but I learned yesterday that it is also the counter for cannons. Korean (like Chinese and Japanese) use special words for when then count units. So when you are counting cannons you would have to count 1문, 2문, 3문…like that.
The second word I learned was 등패, which is a “rattan shield.” Like I said, completely useless. It looked like a wicker basket. Awesome!
After the museum closed, 진희 and I headed out to get some dinner. After dinner, we headed to my neighborhood to rent a DVD. Renting videos, DVD, or comic books is incredibly easy, and I can’t believe it’s been more than 2 years before I did this. I had to give the lady at the video place my phone number and alien id number, and 2,000원 for video.
진희 and I picked up some beers and then headed home to check out 지구를 지켜라! (Save the Green Planet!), which 진희’s friend recomended…claiming it was really funny.
I seriously need to meet this friend, because they are seriously fucked up. To say the movie is insane would be an understatement. I don’t know how they could think it was funny. It wasn’t a bad movie, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a comedy. After the film we parted ways…another Saturday in the can.
November 18, 2005
As an entertainer, the most important thing is my smile. That’s why I reach for Apatite! With the secret of the octagons, Apatite really makes me smile brightly!!! So, if you’re looking for that smile that says, “I too am an entertainer,” reach for a tube of Apatite, now with even more secrets of the octagons!
The Secret of the Octagons?! Surprisingly this phrase actually appears on the opposite side of the tube in Korean (팔각형의 비밀), so if anyone in the dental field reads this, could you please explain what exactly the secret of the octagons is?
Bonus 漢字 note: 美白 (미백) means beautiful white…which kind of makes sense seeing as how this is a whitening toothpaste.
November 16, 2005
The more interesting things I have to write about here, the less time I have to write about it. So here it is Wednesday, and I’m finally getting around to giving a brief run down of things that happened this weekend (mostly for posterity and for when I get around to writing my book).
Saturday evening 진희 and I rendez-voused in 명동 (明洞 / Myeong-dong) for the closest thing I have had in sometime to a stereotypical date: dinner and a movie. For dinner we headed to some restaurant that was all about 만두 (mandu aka dumplings). I was particularly stoked that this restaurant had shrimp dumplings. I had eaten them in Hong Kong, and they were one of the few items there I enjoyed. At dinner 진희 told me that her father wanted to meet me and invited me to their homestead during lunar New Year. I accepted the invitation, and promptly began to panic. While meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents in the States (or to my knowledge everywhere else in the western world) isn’t really a huge deal, here in Korea it’s very important. So after accepting the invitation I promptly began thinking of all the things I need to do / prepare so that her family look upon me favorably.
After dinner we headed off to the movie theater to check out 야수와 미녀 (The Beast and The Beauty), which was a Korean romantic comedy. It was a pretty decent flick about an ugly dude who dated a really hot girl, that happened to be blind…until she had an opperation and regained her sight. The rest of the flick follows the guy as he attempts to become handsome for this woman. After the film, 진희 and I parted ways until Sunday morning.
On Sunday, 진희 and I headed off to Children’s Grand Park (어린이 대공원), or as 진희 called it Grandchildren’s Park (손자 공원). The park was pretty nice. There was a small zoo (this is actually the zoo that the elephants escaped from earlier in the year), a botanical garden, Peruvians playing folk music, and other assorted nonsense. Check the pictures at flickr if you want to see me in action…or pictures of monkeys.
After the park, 진희 and I headed to the area where she grew up, went to elementary school, high school, and college. We had some Chinese food for dinner and then walked around her old neighborhood, and were followed by some really ugly stray dog as we ate some icecream.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
November 14, 2005
So I have a girlfriend which means I don’t have as much time to do things like watch really crappy TV, or look at internet porn, or even read the news. So with that being said, most of you have probably already heard this story. Since there was a shocking piece of video footage to go along with the story, it quickly became important world news. I first heard the story on NHK and were it not for the little 韓国 appearing on the screen I wouldn’t have known that it was a Korean related story at all (since I can’t understand Japanese at all). Anyhow on with the news story!
SEOUL, South Korea — A South Korean subway train started away with a baby in a stroller stuck in its doors on Thursday, and the whole incident was caught on surveillance video.
The video showed the 30-year-old mother wheeling her baby’s stroller into the train.
The doors closed with the mother still standing on the platform when the train started off.
Unable to pull the stroller from the doors, the mother and a bystander were dragged along the subway platform as they held on.
The mother said she grabbed her baby out of the stroller, but her jacket was still stuck between the doors.
After going about 30 yards, the train stopped at the end of the platform.
The baby was not injured, but the mother suffered minor head injuries.
Video Here
Now I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what happened prior to the woman attempting to enter the subway car, but I can say that I’m not surprised at all that this happened. In fact what is surprising is that it doesn’t happen more often. I can not count the number of times I have seen people (including women with strollers) attempt to board subway trains while the doors are closing. Now I too have boarded the subway in a fashion akin to Indiana Jones grabbing his hat from under that stone door in Temple of Doom, but there is a big difference between me and these women, that being I don’t have a helpless child with me.
But Korea is a nation that is hell-bent on doing things quickly. I can’t count how often I hear “빨리! 빨리! (Quickly! Quickly!)” bellowed on any given day. Koreans want to get there faster and finish quicker, regardless of what the task is. This is the reason bus drivers drive like they are the only people on the road, paying no mind to the carnage they leave in their wake. This is why delivery men haul ass on sidewalks attempting to avoid traffic jams. This is why a previous girlfriend who shall not be named, would call a pizza place if they hadn’t delivered to our house 15 minutes after we ordered. And this is why my students will rush to finish their classwork.
I can’t really understand this need to rush through life that seems to dominate all areas of life here. My students, for example, rush to finish their work. If their writing is illegible, or there are countless spelling or grammatical mistakes I will erase what they had written and make them do it again. The end result? They usually end up being the last ones to finish…though had the taken the time to do it well the first time they would have finished when everyone else did instead of 5 minutes later because they needed to be the first to yell, “I’m finished!”
Anyhow back to the news story at hand, I’m glad the woman and child weren’t seriously injured, but I hope that she and the population at large learn to slow down with somethings.
November 9, 2005
To say that I am happy these days would be a gross understatement. It’s odd to think that a couple months ago I was ready to pack it all in and return the the States. But now due to my girlfriend, things are much different. Each and everyday I wake up with a smile on my face and I am stoked to face the day ahead of me…I’m a sap I know!
진희 had studied abroad in Canada and had an apartment with another Korean girl while living there. This roommate married a Canadian guy and the two of them are moving back to Canada later this week, so you know what that means…going away party! 진희 and I headed off to 종로3가 and met up with her old roommate, and several of that roommate’s friends…her husband was not present, so once again I was the only non-Korean there.
More often than not when there is a party and people eat out here, that means 삼겹살. 진희 and I both snickered as recently we have consumed far too much 삼겹살 recently, but whatever.
Dinner was pretty delicious, but man could those girls eat! Plate after plate of meat was ordered. I cashed out around the fourty minute mark (as did 진희), yet food was still being ordered. During dinner the various friends kept complimenting my Korean skill which is what usually happens when I meet random people for the first time. The one with a Canadian husband told 진희 how lucky she was since I could understand (and speak) Korean. Apparently her husband can’t speak anything beyond, “~주세요 (~juseyo / Give me~)” and “안녕하세요 (annyonghaseyo / hello.)”
Eventually the food stopped being ordered and someone (it wasn’t me I swear) decided it would be a good idea to head off to a bar for more drinking. At the bar I was actually pretty bored. I was full from the endless meat we had consumed so I didn’t really want to drink a lot, and the other people (save for 진희) were talking about other people neither 진희 or I knew so I wasn’t much interested in the conversation. So like I said, I was pretty bored…that was until 짱구 hit the scene (see the photo above)!
For some reason, an individual clad in a 짱구 costume came out and did some insane grinding and dancing to horrid techno music while “drinking” a bottle of soju. This was even more disturbing than it sounds due to the fact the that the character of 짱구 is a kindergarten student. So here we had a drunken five year old grinding on the ladies…nightmarish to say the least.
Shortly thereafter, 진희 and I had, had enough and bid everyone a fond farewell. While walking to the bus stop, 진희 told me that she was glad I accompanied her since when, “we are together everything is more fun.” And she was right.
November 7, 2005
Everyday I head out of Seoul to the countryside to go work, and recently I noticed this sign on the subway.
I particularly enjoy this sign due to the fact that nearly every word written here (save for the 漢字 or one Sino-Korean word that is written in 한글) are English words written in 한글.
白石大學校 (백석대학교 / baek seok dae hakgyo) - “White Stone” University
비전 (bijeon) - vision
기독교대학 (基督敎大學 gidokgyo daehak) - Christian University
글로벌 리더 (geullobeol lideo) - global leader
The only word that is purely Korean in this sign (save for the small print at the top) is 의 which is a possessive marker like ’s or the word of.
November 6, 2005
So yesterday afternoon I headed off to get my test on. What test you ask…why the 漢字能力 (Hanja Proficency) test of course! The test was being held in an area I had never been before, so I had to take a bus, having no idea where to disembark. Luckily for me the woman sitting next to me saw me looking at my map of where the site was and told me what stop to get off at.
So I get off the bus and I’m greeted by a huge mass of middle aged people banging drums, screaming into megaphones, and playing harmonicas…basically being loud and annoying. And they were marching right in front of the testing site. Totally awesome!
Moving from the street to the school, I found the classroom in which I had to take my test with relative ease. Sitting down in my chair I came to the realitization that I am old.
Since I am just an idiot I have only been studying 漢字 for a fairly short time I was taking a fairly low level test, meaning that the other people taking the test with me were all in first or second grade.
As I scanned the classroom I realized that I was probably older than some of the mothers who were doing some last minute preparation with their sons and daughters. I also realized that barring any kids who have some real creepy Law & Order: Special Victims Unit shit going on at home, I’d be the only one getting laid after the test.
Also while sitting there, I suddenly became a tad nervous. I was more than prepared for this test. I mean I had consumed 찹쌀떡 (a really sticky rice cake) and avoided 미역국 the night before (soup made with slippery seaweed)*, and I had taken more practice tests than I can count with ease. Yet when I realized I had not taken a test in something like three years, and hadn’t taken a test not involving essay questions and blue books in closer to five or six years, I got a little bit anxious.
Then the 3 o’clock hour hit, parents were kicked out of the room, tests were handed out, and my nervousness faded. No sooner had the door shut that 3 or 4 kids (myself included) began crying. The proctor settled them and handed out some exams.
As we began the tests, he walked around the room, checking ID cards to the papers he had to make sure the people in the chairs were the people who were supposed to be there. He was then sign off on the test answer sheet. By the time he got to my desk (about 10 minutes later), I had already finished the test. I am pretty sure that I only got one wrong (possibly two of the person correcting the test is kind about a poorly written sentence), so now I just have to wait some weeks before I have proof as to how awesome I am (in the realm of 漢字 anyhow).
So I headed out to meet 진희 to go shopping, and have dinner. All in all it was a pretty awesome day.
* There is a commonly held superstition in Korea that eating slippery food (like seaweed) will cause knowledge / test answers to slip from one’s grasp, while eating sticky food will cause the same knowledge / answers to get stuck in the persons mind.
November 4, 2005
One of the first words I learned how to write in 漢字 (aside from things like numbers) was 人口 (인구). While the characters making up this word literally mean people and mouth, this word means population, and I mention it not because I have to go take my 漢字 exam on Saturday afternoon, but because on Wednesday evening I was a victim of the 人口調査 (인구조사): the census.
After a long day at the office I arrived home, changed out of a suit into quasi-white trash gear (some sweat pants and a t-shirt with a picture of a bulldozer on it), and promptly got my eat on. Following my dinner, I sat down to watch some TV. It was a quarter to ten and I was eating a carrot and watching Without a Trace on AFN when my doorbell suddenly rang.
“I didn’t order Chinese food tonight. The girlfriend is at a supermarket about an hour away. It seems a little late for Bible Bangers. Who the shit is this?” I thought to myself.
So I open the door, dressed like white-trash and still eating a carrot, to discover some 아좀마 with a clipboard standing in the hall. Much like the Jehovah’s Witness that come a-callin’ upon seeing my white face a nervous look swept over her face. “Uhh…you…this…”
‘한국말 조금 할 수 있어요.” (I can speak Korean a little bit).
She then explained to me that she was taking the census, and needed me to fill out some document. Despite the fact that the census form was in English, it was insanely difficult…mainly due to the fact that aside from asking about my name, gender, nation of origin, and career, the majority of the questions were really technical stuff about my house. Things I had no knowledge of what-so-ever.
“How is water provided to your dwelling?”
“What kind of kitchen does your house contain?”
“What style bathroom do you possess?”
I had no idea what kind of kitchen I had since there was no bubble to fill in for “way too small,” just as their was no bubble to fill in that water is provided “coldly” to my house. I told the woman that she would be better served talking to my 집주인 (landlord), since he probably has a better understanding of the technically workings of my room than I do. I know I have water…I don’t give a rats ass how it gets to my house.
Anyhow I filled out my census, and bid the woman farewell and went back inside to be white-trash and eat carrots.
November 2, 2005
I don’t watch much television these days, but on occassion I will scan my television and promptly get thrown into a fit of rage by the crap I see, and then promptly smash my television up with a pair of nunchucks. Last week I bore witness to something that not only caused me to smash my television, but always jam chopsticks into my ears in an attempt to render myself deaf.
I give you i-13!
If this picture turns you on and you are over the age of 16 get the crap outta here!
Here in Korea it seems that for mainstream artists, it is more important to have a gimmic than any actual talent which is why there are groups with names written in 漢字 (東方神起 I’m looking in your direction), groups made up entirely of transsexuals (Lady), and groups consisting of kindergarten students (7 공주). I-13 has not one, but two gimmics. Gimmic number one is the fact that there are 13 fucking people in this group. Gimmic number two is the fact that they are all under 18 years old…kind of like Menudo I suppose.
Both of this gimmics are completely horrible. There might be 13 people in the group, but they sound no different for a group with 5 people…meaning they all suck and are pro-tooled to high hell, but that is pop music in general so I don’t really hold much against them. Except that there are 13 of them, probability would have it that at least one of them would have some talent…guess not.
The second gimmic is more horrific to me. All of these girls are elementary, middle, or high school students…yet here they are attempting to act “sexy.” If Jenny Jones taught me anything it’s that girls attempting to act sexy while in middle school are totally beat. I don’t totally blame these girls for this though. No, I blame the parents. Like I said, these girls are all underaged, so they need their parents to sign off on this nonsense. What kind of parent thinks that it’s a good idea to let their 10 year old daughter dress like a stripper and dance around on television.
So anyhow, I hate i-13. If you want to see why I hate them, check out this here video. Just be forwarned, it’s awful. Oh and check out the intro where they introduce all 13 members of the group, complete with their special 漢字 like they are some kind of Power Ranger or some nonsense (”It’s Morphin’ Time! 丑!!!). The intro is almost longer than the actual song, which doesn’t really surprise me since there are 13 fucking people in this group….
