I don’t watch much television these days, but on occassion I will scan my television and promptly get thrown into a fit of rage by the crap I see, and then promptly smash my television up with a pair of nunchucks. Last week I bore witness to something that not only caused me to smash my television, but always jam chopsticks into my ears in an attempt to render myself deaf.
I give you i-13!
If this picture turns you on and you are over the age of 16 get the crap outta here!
Here in Korea it seems that for mainstream artists, it is more important to have a gimmic than any actual talent which is why there are groups with names written in 漢字 (東方神起 I’m looking in your direction), groups made up entirely of transsexuals (Lady), and groups consisting of kindergarten students (7 공주). I-13 has not one, but two gimmics. Gimmic number one is the fact that there are 13 fucking people in this group. Gimmic number two is the fact that they are all under 18 years old…kind of like Menudo I suppose.
Both of this gimmics are completely horrible. There might be 13 people in the group, but they sound no different for a group with 5 people…meaning they all suck and are pro-tooled to high hell, but that is pop music in general so I don’t really hold much against them. Except that there are 13 of them, probability would have it that at least one of them would have some talent…guess not.
The second gimmic is more horrific to me. All of these girls are elementary, middle, or high school students…yet here they are attempting to act “sexy.” If Jenny Jones taught me anything it’s that girls attempting to act sexy while in middle school are totally beat. I don’t totally blame these girls for this though. No, I blame the parents. Like I said, these girls are all underaged, so they need their parents to sign off on this nonsense. What kind of parent thinks that it’s a good idea to let their 10 year old daughter dress like a stripper and dance around on television.
So anyhow, I hate i-13. If you want to see why I hate them, check out this here video. Just be forwarned, it’s awful. Oh and check out the intro where they introduce all 13 members of the group, complete with their special 漢字 like they are some kind of Power Ranger or some nonsense (”It’s Morphin’ Time! 丑!!!). The intro is almost longer than the actual song, which doesn’t really surprise me since there are 13 fucking people in this group….
Hey how come you don’t review albums anymore? I really enjoyed some of your critique before.
Comment by Jay Lee — November 2, 2005 @ 23:10 pm
I have some written up, in a marble composition notebook, but I’ve been busy and haven’t gotten around to typing them up. The next time I have a break in the action I’ll type one of them up here.
Comment by Wyatt — November 3, 2005 @ 7:25 am
“Here in Korea it seems that for mainstream artists, it is more important to have a gimmic than any actual talent”
But, that’s true to a certain extent everywhere isn’t it? The same genre in the West has just as many gimmicks - Spice Girls, Rupaul, the Olsen Twins (did they sing?), Menudo…I think pop musicians and, more importantly, pop marketing the world over are the same.
Comment by G — November 3, 2005 @ 8:22 am
I’m impressed. I can see the scene where the director assigned names:
At least, as one commenter pointed out, they don’t need back dancers when they perform. ^^
Comment by taemin — November 3, 2005 @ 8:38 am
I love that their first album is called “One More Time”.
Comment by Matt — November 3, 2005 @ 10:21 am
What would have been wicked is if they had 13 girls under 18 then one 40 year old man, never mentioned him in press or interviews, and just had him stand at the back slowly rubbing his thighs.
As awful as this band are though, I’m still not sure if they’re worse than England’s
Comment by swiss james — November 3, 2005 @ 13:20 pm
Taemin,
If you have any knowledge of mid-80s American television programs, I think the 13th girl is kind of like the kid on Capt. Planet that got stuck being “Heart.” It was like earth, wind, water, fire….oh shit! Let’s just make him heart and be done with it.
Matt,
If memory serves me correctly there was a different artist or group that had greatest hits (or something along that line) as their debut album title.
Swiss James,
That would be totally rediculous. He would have to be clad like all the taxi drivers here…and of course have a receeding hairline.
Comment by Wyatt — November 3, 2005 @ 13:24 pm
I hate it that marketing makes up probably well over 50% of income towards certain bands/artists. People feed off whats given to them, and don’t search for good music.
Ashlee Simpson is a great example. Right when she got into her first album she developed her “punk” scene. I also think bands such as Click 5 are simply boy bands with guitars (and therefor ‘acceptable’ to like) since the regular boy band formula doesn’t work anymore.
Comment by Anonymous — November 3, 2005 @ 14:18 pm
With this and Kelly’s journal from SJ’s site I have found new meaning in life.
On a side note I think a couple of them are in high school. I can’t tell from the pictures but if they’re hot it might be okay to keep an eye on them until they are old enough to the throw the root too.
Comment by Joel — November 3, 2005 @ 22:37 pm
home equity loans said, “2″.
That was cool.
Comment by G — November 5, 2005 @ 11:18 am
my comment was supposed to end with the words “Blazin Squad” by the way. A trully appalling band from back home.
Comment by swiss james — November 7, 2005 @ 15:17 pm
you guy are B*t*h*s.i think they’re cool
Comment by zer — February 1, 2006 @ 12:34 pm
Zer,
You are entitled to think they are cool, so long as you are not a male over the age of 18…then you are just creepy and gross. I must commend you on your use of “guy” when addressing me, but must question how I (but one guy) be several bitches? I suppose if I too were not really one person, but some sort of 13 person singing group…or in this case writing group it would make sense to call me / us bitches, but I am just one man…therefore “you guy, are a bitch” would have been more correct.
Comment by Wyatt — February 10, 2006 @ 17:36 pm
betline
Trackback by betline — April 7, 2006 @ 16:38 pm