西洋오랑캐

Everyday at approximately 12:00 in the afternoon I do something that those of you living outside of Asia might find strange and amazing: I eat lunch. Incredibly I know, but it’s true. Sometimes I will eat lunch at my house, and sometimes (this is where it might get unbelievable, but I am not lying to you people) I eat lunch elsewhere. Today was one such day. On this particularly day I headed to a Lotteria.

What is Lotteria you ask. Well my friends and loyal readers, Lotteria is a fast food restaurant owned by the good people at the Lotte Corporation. For reasons beyond my control, in the nearly three years of living in Korea, I had never set foot inside a Lotteria, so to say I was excited about the cullinary delights I would soon be ingesting would be an understatement. I mean just look at these menu choices!

I decided that I would go for the most Korean thing on the menu and with the absence of the legendary “Rice Burgers” (apparently they were a special limited time menu item that I missed the boat on). It came down to a battle between the Kimchi Burger (from here on in known as 김치버거) and the 새우버거 (shrimp burger). The 김치버거 easily took the 새우버거 down, so I ordered and prepared for the cullinary adventure I was about to embark upon.

The wrapper looks fairly innocent. If you can’t read Korean there is nothing here that would lead you to suspect this was anything other than your typical disgustingly greasy fast food hamburger. The Korean on the label proclaims that this is in fact 우리김치버거 (Our Kimchi Burger), but I have to disagree, since I paid for it, it’s my kimchi burger (please note I understand the Korean usage of the word 우리 and am just being sarcastic).

Opening up the wrapper it still looks fairly normal. Compared to the behemoth burgers other fast food chains offer up it looks a little small, but aside from that there is nothing here that screams “this hamburger has spicy fermented cabbage on it!” Some kind of breaded patty is slightly visable, but there is no kimchi to be seen. Perhaps someone in the back made a mistake?

Nope! There’s the kimchi (or at least one piece of kimchi), as well as the lettuce, the pickle, and the mayonaise. The patty looked sort of like those breaded chicken patties that were a staple of lunch in America elementary schools (or at least my elementary school) in the 1980s, it tasted sort of like something that came from the sea, yet the poster proclaimed it was 쇠고기 (beef). So I don’t really know what to think of it. This burger is truly a test of one’s intestinal fortitude!

So over all what’s my take on the Lotteria Kimchi Burger? Well it’s kind of small, so shortly after eating it I was hungry again. I had no idea what the meat was supposed to be. The kimchi that was there was so smothered in mayonaise that you could hardly taste it. The bun was better than those used at McDonald’s, but that’s about it. Unless you, like me, need to experience these kind of “only in Korea” dishes first hand, I’d say skip the 김치버거, and if you have a hankerin’ (I don’t think one is legally allowed to write the word “hankering” it must be “hankerin’”) head to McDonald’s and get their 불고기버거 (Bulgogi Burger) instead.