西洋오랑캐

I currently get paid an insane sum of money to work at a 학원 one day a week. It’s a pretty low key affair. I go into a classroom for thirty minutes stints of speaking English at the children. For the most part they are fairly well behaved, but on occassion there are some jerks that need to be told that they are jerks. This is the tale of one such jerk. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

In one of the classes I teach there is this one pre-teen girl who just rubs me the wrong way. She doesn’t do her work. She’s rude. She never attempts to speak English during class. And her voice is annoying as hell. Basically she’s a pain in the ass.

So on a certain day of a certain month of a certain year (that year being 2006), I was at the 학원 attempting to impart knowledge of the English language upon this particular class with the annoying pre-teen girl. During the class I had to stop what I was doing and tell her to stop speaking and put away her comic book twice in the first 3 minutes of class. She still was being disruptive, so it was time to give her the boot.

Now on this particular day she happened to be wearing a scouting uniform of some sorts. Girl Scouts? Nope. The mysterious Space Scouts that existed in Goyang-shi that I never knew what they actually did? No. She was wearing a Cub Scout uniform.

Here’s a little known Wyatt Dunn factoid: I too was in Cub Scouts for a couple of years. I don’t remember much from my days as a scout. I have a vague recollection of constantly doing leather work in some kid’s basement, and a scout leader bellowing “Shit!” while attempting to capture a frog while on a camping trip, and also that I would have rather stayed home and played Dragon Warrior than go to Cub Scouts most nights. The only other thing I recall, and this is with 100% certainty, was Cub Scouts seemed to have a “No Girls Allowed” policy.

Anyhow I seriously digressed there. Back to a classroom in South Korea circa 2006 as opposed to Greg Rosenthal’s basement circa 1988. I turned to this annoying girl and proclaimed, “Listen Boy Scout, I’m not a hippie and this isn’t ‘Do what you feel time!’ It’s English class and I’m your teacher, so sit down and be quiet, or just go home.”

Now you’d think I declared war on this girl for she stood up, and like that Four Non-Blondes song screamed at the top of her lungs…only it wasn’t “What’s going on!” that was bellowed, it was, “FUCK YOU!” I left the classroom and came back with the biggest guns I had at my disposal: the 실잘님. The 실장님 is all about me for some reason and has my back in most cases, so he took the girl out of the room and she did not return for the remainder of class. At the end of class she was brought before me and handed me the most awesome apology note ever:

I tried my damnedest not to laugh out loud at the note, even so my response kind of came out like, “Ppppthh…Oh ok….he he…just don’t do it again…HAHAHA!!! Yo lookit this note! MWAHAHAHA!!!”