西洋오랑캐

So I live in a big fancy apartment. We have all the best technology: an elevator, card keys, middle aged Korean men that patrol the place on bikes. But apartment living is not all it’s cracked up to be. Like if I want to play Pearl Jam covers on guitar at 2:00 in the morning…I’m not really at liberty to do so. Or everytime I want to ride the elevator, the asshole on the 22nd floor is bogarting it. Additionally there are asshole children all over the place.

But perhaps the worst part of living in an apartment complex is the diminished privacy that comes with living in such close proximity to such hordes of people. Prior to living in this apartment I lived in a windowless studio apartment, and before that, the suburbs…so it goes without saying that I became accustom to things such as privacy and being able to do whatever I damn well pleased without the fear of prying eyes. If I wanted to walk around in various states of undress or partake in other types of adult situations or brief nudity, it was cool, and when living in the suburbs, if I wanted to play Pearl Jam cover songs on guitar at 2 in the morning…well that was cool too.

Not so in an apartment. In an apartment, you have to think about people other than yourself. Let’s take a quick look at this completely hypothetical example that totally did not happen to me or involve me at all…and in case you forgot, it is totally hypothetical, and doesn’t involve me. In this example, a man and his wife live in an standard apartment complex somewhere in South Korea. We’ll call the man Wyatt Dunn Riot Bunn, and the wife can be named…uh… Jenny! Yeah, Riot and Jenny lived in this apartment, and on a particular day, after taking a shower, Riot thought it would be humorous to run out of the bathroom clad only in a pair of Underoos (please note that I…er Riot was not actually wearing Underoos, mearly briefs as opposed to boxers) and ambush his wife, who was in the the other room watching television.

He did so, and both he and the wife thought it was funny…until they noticed the moving truck elevator coming up right outside their huge bay window. I was totally embarassed. How embarassing that must have been.

Since I, as a writer, can not think of a decent way to wrap this up, we’re going to bust out a high school essay’s generic conclusion, and modify it slightly.

For these reasons, and many more, the Renassiance period was a period of great change living in an apartment in South Korea is not as awesome as it could be.