This is a plea to all my Canadian readers (I know for a fact at least two of you exist). Will either you, or one of your countrymen (or women) please for the love of Christ write a walkthrough on how to go about dealing with your country’s government? I mean Street Fighter 2 had a walkthrough, and that game was a hell of a lot easier than Canadian government institutions.
For those of you just tuning in, I had a bone to pick with Canada about the way they do criminal background checks. It turns out that a great deal of this anger was misdirected and premature. It turns out that apparently one doesn’t have to go through the process of getting fingerprinted and waiting 150+ days in order to get a Canadian criminal report. Nope, it turns out that all one has to do is provide a name, address, and (in the case of my wife) passport number, to any of the local police forces and they will check out your national criminal record and ship out the results to you in anywhere from a week to 14 days depending on the police force you choose to use. We picked the guys in Winnipeg, mainly because they were the cheapest and also didn’t require fingerprints (which as I explained eariler was kind of a hassle to get here).
So here we are thinking we’re in the clear. Oh not quite. Like most things, this service does not come for free. Unfortunately, Canada, as I mentioned before, is a developing country, and therefore has no way to pay for this service online or by using a credit card. Additionally Canadian currancy frightens them, since they stated that they would not accept payments made in cash. No, they want a check. Unfortunately for us, we live in Korea, a country that has moved beyond (or perhaps never had) a checking system. Here everything is paid for either with cash, or a credit card. So we went in search of a money order.
The post office didn’t have any, but they insisted that you could get them with ease at the bank. The first bank we went to didn’t have them, but told us that you could score them at a bank that did international exchanges. The international exchange bank didn’t have them either, but told us that we could get money orders in American dollars at Citibank. This would have been fine, save for the fact that we were sending this shit to the provinces, and it stated that they only dealt in Canadian funds (unlike the central…federal? government who would gladly accept American dollars). Fuck!
So we headed home, dejected. What could we do? Flying to Canada to deal with this was out of the question for two reasons: 1) It was too expensive. 2) I probably would have punched a Mountie in the face for causing my wife and I such annoyance, and then would have been sent to Canadian jail (which if the Trailer Park Boys is to be believed, might not actually be that bad of a thing). So the only option that seemed to be open was to ship the documents to my family in the US (a country where one can get cashiers checks) and have them ship the documents and check to Canada.
So basically I don’t know who I’m pissed off at. I’m pissed off at Canada’s government for sucking ass six ways to Sunday. I am pissed off at Korea for not having the outdated method of payment required to do business with Canada. I’m pissed off at America for making the wife and I have to jump through such hoops to obtain a paper that says she didn’t do any crime during the one year that she lived in Canada. And, I’m pissed off at myself for getting pissed off about such stupid bullshit. I’ll be glad when we have a paper that says, “Jinhui, you didn’t do crime in Canada.”
You’d best hope she doesn’t have an outstanding warrant for something trivial like 노상방뇨…
Comment by daeguowl — October 4, 2006 @ 3:38 am
Citibank (in Japan at least) deals in a wide range of currencies,
including Canadian dollars. I can get them to send money around the world (electronically)
in all major currencies. It might be that the international exchange bank underestimated what Citibank would be able to do.
(Not a spam from Citibank)
The old Canadian passports required photos with a matte finish. Try to get passport pictures with a matte finish in Japan! I had to have a portrait photo taken, then ask for tiny copies in matte. That problem solved, the instructions required that there be a white space at the bottom of the photos, for my signature or something. I spent days trying to figure out how to comply with that requirement and finally called the Canadian Embassy. Answer: Oh, just ignore that.
On the other hand, I have to get on my hands and knees and thank the Canadian Government for unifying the pension systems between Japan and Canada. It used to be that the years I spent paying into the Canadian system would go to waste, and the years I have spent paying into the Japanese system would not be enough for me to get a pension until I’m really old. But the Canadian and Japanese governments together have unified the systems, so that expatriate Canadians and Japanese people in my situation can get a pension. That’s great! (Not a spam from the Canadian Government)
Comment by Mitch — October 4, 2006 @ 8:01 am
You’d best watch out for Canadian bureacrats….
http://www.lostnomad.org/?p=3605
Comment by daeguowl — October 5, 2006 @ 3:11 am
Wyatt, as you know, I’m no fan of Canadian bureaucracy, which is Kafkaesque and soul-destroying. Something about “the letter killeth”–the Canadian government seems to have forgotten the second part of the quotation. I agree with you that the US shouldn’t make you play ball with Canadian bureaucrats, and I loved your conclusion at the end! In any case, good luck!
Comment by Nathan B. — October 5, 2006 @ 17:00 pm
Ranting about your inability to find the proper information is rather silly. While I am no fan of bureaucracy in any country, it is really not a difficult process that can be done in 15 days.
Comment by The Goat — October 11, 2006 @ 8:56 am
It isn’t silly when two different branches of the government tell you completely different stuff. One group says it would take 150 days and cost 55 dollars, another group says a week and 16 dollars…and then you appear and say it takes 15 days. Who’s right? Everyone gave me different durations and prices, and no one had the actual forms I needed (the Royal Mounted Police will only mail the forms I need and only did so like 2 weeks after I requested them). Couple this with the fact that I’m not even trying to go to Canada, and how ultimately insignificant this actual document is, and I can’t understand how anyone couldn’t be annoyed.
Comment by Wyatt — October 11, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
So basically, you expect all municipalities, not only to have the exact same procedure as each other, but also the same as those at the federal level? While that would be nice, I really don’t see this happening any time soon.
My example of 15 days was simply that…an example. So yes, it is right. So are the others.
As for not going to Canada, that is not my concern nor is it the concern of the Canadian government - it would appear to be the concern of your government.
The only thing I can glean out of this is that you are pissed as personal background information in Canada is not a matter of public record as it would appear to be in the States.
Comment by The Goat — October 11, 2006 @ 16:26 pm
That’s exactly it! How fool-hearted of me to get pissed off about the fact that it took literally 35 minutes to get the same piece of paper processed in Korea. Yes I know that with the postal service things are going to take longer, but now that I’ve looked at it from your point of view 8, 15, hell…150 days really does seem like a reasonable ammount of time. I was pissed off that one’s criminal record in Canada was not a matter of public record! That’s what I was frustrated by! It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that immigrating is a stressful process to begin with, and when things start going poorly due to outside forces the level of stress increases.
The only thing I can glean from your post is that you are pissed off that bad mouthed Canadian bureaucracy. You were right about one thing in your first comment, and that was that this was a rant. I was pissed off when I wrote it, writing it helped me to alleviate the stress, and that was the end of that.
And that’s all I’m going to say.
Comment by Wyatt — October 11, 2006 @ 19:46 pm
A foreign country has a policy that is different from others…like wow. Earth shattering stuff there.
Comparing it to Korea is rather asinine don’t you think? Being different countries and all…with different policies regarding the release of private information. Not too mention that, well…you are not there.
As for it being a stressful process, did you expect it to happen any differently? You could have also spared the regurgitation - I am far from pissed (in fact, I find the whole thing rather amusing) and am often first in line to bitch about Canada and Canadians in general. You chose to rant about something because it did not suit your specific needs in a timeframe suitable to you and you only. boo hoo.
I could rant about dumbass Americans that are incapable of planning ahead to understand all the procedures necessary for a successful and stressfree emmigration process, but that would hardly make it true now, would it? Not too mention that it would not reflect my feelings on this subject nor on Americans in general.
But I digress, if it makes you feel better to be hold an online tantrum, go nuts. I suppose it is better than kicking the dog or beating the wife. Too bad you said all you are going to say as it appears you still have some anger.
Good luck. And that’s all I’m going to say as well.
Comment by The Goat — October 11, 2006 @ 20:25 pm