西洋오랑캐

This is awesome! (Found via Boing Boing)

Robot mother helps South Koreans prepare for birth

SEOUL, Jan 4 (Reuters Life!) - With South Korea’s birth rate at its lowest ever, medical students are resorting to robots to practice bringing babies into the world.

Kyunghee University Medical Center in Seoul is the first institution in South Korea to use Noelle, a life-sized robot, and her “newborn” to give obstetric students experience.

“With this simulator training tool, we can conduct not only normal deliveries, but also complicated deliveries such as breech births, Caesarean deliveries,” Professor Jung Eui told Reuters Television. “Students can practice in a very realistic situation with this mannequin.”

Students regularly crowd around Noelle as she gives “birth.” They take turns at monitoring her vital signs and at pulling the “baby” out of her body.

The newborn, also a robot, is equipped with lights on its hands and cheeks to indicate its health — blue lights mean problems while pink lights signal all is ok.

Students say using Noelle is more useful than sitting in a classroom and taking notes.

“I think it’s more helpful to have delivery training on a life-like mannequin than studying with books or lectures before treating my first live patient,” said student Woon Jin-kwang.

Professor Jung said South Korea’s consistently decreasing birth-rate gave her students fewer chances to watch and practice delivering babies, making Noelle’s presence necessary.

South Korea currently has a population of just over 48 million and one of the lowest birth rates in the world — an average of 1.08 children per woman.

Noelle was purchased for $20,000 from Miami-based Gaumard Scientific Co. Inc. in the United States. She was manufactured in 2000 and over 400 units have been sold in the United States.

While pregnant robot mothers and their robotic offspring are interesting, I think the most important question is the one that this article elected to skate around. Since Reuter’s decided not to ask it, and since Maury Povich isn’t around to ask it, I’m going to ask the question everyone wants to ask: Who’s Noelle’s robot baby-daddy?

We’ve rounded up several bots Noelle may or may not have exchanged data with and have given them paternity tests. The results will becoming up at the end of the show. Noelle, do you have anything you want to say before we get started today?

I just hope we can find my baby’s daddy. It’s really hard being a single robot mother. It’s just so hard…RUN CRYING.EXE…

We’re going to do our best to try and help you find your baby’s daddy. Our first guest is none other than Detroit’s own robotic crime stopper, Robocop! Noelle claims that you stopped her while she was trying to buy some meth and in exchange for a quicky you let her go. Robocop, what do you have to say about these heavy allegations?

THESE ALLEGATIONS ARE UNFOUNDED AS I WAS IN AMERICA AT THE TIME OF CONCEPTION…ALSO I AM FROM THE FUTURE. NOW PLEASE STEP ASIDE THERE IS A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS!

Next up is Giant Robot Kim Jung Il. The case against Giant Robot Kim Jung Il is a little stronger due to geographic and chronological proximity. So let’s welcome, Giant Robot Kim Jung Il. Giant Robot Kim Jung Il, do you have anything to say about this situation?

I will turn this entire studio into a sea of fire. This accusation is merely a ploy by the evil Americans to undermine the will of the North Korean people and the principle of Juche! I will not stand for this!!!

Giant Robot Kim Jung Il seems a little angry at these claims. Let’s bring out the next robot…Jesus woman, how many dudes did you hook up with…oh did I say that aloud? Anyhow, let’s bring out the next robot, Taekwon V! Hey Taekwon, I see you have a posse with you today. What’s going on.

Listen I did hook up with that bitch, but I just got head…you can’t make no baby by gettin’ head. Anyhow it was just that one time and it was just head. Anyway me and my boys were on the road since that time…promoting our new joint out of Def Jam, and I ain’t been with Noelle since that night…and like I said, it was just head. And…

And you can’t make a baby getting head. I know, I know. And bringing out our last guest…Noelle claims that at a party after a night of drinking, and…partying…because that’s what you do at a party…you party, she and my next guest hooked up. Noelle thinks that he might be the father of her child. Please welcome C3-PO! Hi 3-PO. So you’ve heard Noelle’s claims, do you have anything to say for yourself?

I most certainly do. I could not possibly be this robot baby’s father.

And why not?

You see, I’m a robot, but Noelle does nothing for me. Sir, I’m a gay robot!

You’re gay homie?

Good god…just kill me now. This has gone on long enough. Oh yeah…we have some results. Let’s just get this over with. Robocop…you are not the father.

I KNEW THAT.

Giant Robot Kim Jung Il! Not the father!

The Americans can not crush our spirit with this baseless lies!

Taekwon V…not the father!

Yeah boy!

So that just leaves you C3-PO. Did you impregnate Noelle and create this beautiful robot baby, or not. The results say…you are not the father!

Oh thank my maker!

Well Noelle we were unable to find the father of your baby.

There were a couple more robots that I might have spent the night with…

I’m sorry we’re all out of time.