Boojockoes
Book I
Prologue
Christopher was sharpening his sword. The Lord of Darkness was coming and sharpening the sword was his only hope. Christopher was sharpening his sword. From his house near Mount Roushmour he could feel the evil rising from that mountain. Christopher was sharpening his sword. His family, his life had all been shattered by The Evil One and now he wanted some revenge. Christopher was sharpening his sword.
Chapter 1
The Hunter And The Hole
The Hunter And The Hole
Once there lived a hunter named Corey Fife. This particular hunter shot little birds with this missile launcher he had built at his log cabin fort, in the Adirondacks, he lived in. The hunter had four loves: hunting, sports, tools, and medieval times.
Corey lived alone, and that was the way he liked it. The only true friend he ever had was a dog his family owned when he was a child. When the dog died of being run over, so did a part of Corey.
His typical day would start at eight in the morning, when he would have a pot of black coffee and shower once and awhile. Next around ten he would go on the hunt until noon. Then he would cook up whatever he had killed on the grill. If Corey hadn't killed anything he would simply have a cornbeef sandwich and some cold brews. The rest of the day was spent building furniture for his fort or watching sports or medieval times movies on the television.
One day Corey was stalking a bird using radar, when he tripped on a tree stump and fell into a deep hole he had dug to catch bears.
"Help! Help!" he screamed.
A little bird landed on his nose and said, "You want me to help you?"
"Yeah please, I think I broke my leg," Corey whined in pain.
The bird picked up Corey's rifle in its mouth and flew away.
"I'm going to die," he moaned.
Corey looked at his leg, it was red and swollen. He then fell into a coma. He woke up to find four little blue-green men standing around the hole. The men were wearing black leather clothes with chains and safety pins on them. Some had multi-colored mohawks, and all were carrying large poles. Corey then noticed that his leg didn't hurt anymore.
"Who are you?" he asked sounding scared.
"WE'RE THE ELVES OF MEDIEVAL TIMES!" the leader screamed.
"WE'RE ALSO THE PUNK BAND KILL ALL HUNTERS!" another elf yelled.
Corey gulped, "I'm a hunter," he thought.
"YOU ARE!" an elf of medieval times screamed.
"Oh, no I thought out loud," he said.
"WE'RE GONNA BRING YOU TO THE HEAD ELF-PUNK!" the leader said.
"This isn't how medieval times are supposed to be," Corey said.
"WELL THEY ARE THIS WAY!" an elf of medieval times screamed.
The group walked through the woods.
"This would make a perfect arrow," Corey thought looking at a tree they passed.
"WE'RE HERE!" the party leader said, "NOW LOOK COOL OR I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR EYES WITH A PITCHFORK!"
An elf walked over to Corey and yelled, "BLOOD RED HAIR IS MUCH COOLER THAN YOUR HAIR!" The elf then poured a gallon of red liquid on Corey's head.
"What is this stuff?" Corey asked.
"BLOOD RED HAIR DYE!" an elf of medieval times hollered.
Suddenly an big elf with a big brass nose ring and a bright blue mohawk walked out of a tree.
"WHAT'S THIS?" he yelled at the party leader.
"A PRISONER, AND A HUNTER!" he shouted back.
"GOOD JOB GREASE!" the Head Elf-Punk shouted.
Grease screamed, "WE'LL EAT WELL TONIGHT!"
The elves all laughed as they dragged Corey into the tree. The tree was in bad condition. There were empty wine flasks and other garbage on the floor. From the walls hung various swords and other blades. There were drums, harps, flutes, zithers, lutes and other instruments Corey didn't recognize all over the place as well.
Corey was thrown into a cell and locked in.
"Wow medieval times!" Corey shouted.
"They suck," a grumpy voice said.
Corey turned to see an short, old man. The man had large emerald green eyes, and atop his head the ears formed a point, like that of an elves. He was dressed in a pale green tunic, a pair of light gray slacks, and thin looking shoes.
"Who are you?" Corey asked.
"Tuck, the warrow," the old man said.
"You hit everything," Corey said.
"I did, but now I'm old, and curmudgeon."
"Hi, I'm Corey, your biggest fan. I wish I had eyes like yours because warrows are the best. I'm a hunter."
"Good for you, now leave me alone," Tuck 'hits everything' said.
"Oh yay, let's have an adventure," Corey said.
"Fine, but I better not die," Tuck said.
Corey twisted his face to show he was annoyed with what Tuck had just said. The ancient warrow opened the window and the two escaped. But not without the elves knowing. Three elves carrying long poles rushed out of the tree.
"FOLLOW THEM! THE HUMAN IS A HUNTER!" an elf yelled.
"Come on Tuck let's fight them," Corey yelled.
Corey picked up a twig and rushed at the elves. The elves smashed the poles down on his head, causing great damage. The poles were barbed and stuck to Corey's skull.
"Those poles are barbed and poison you fool of a Fife," Tuck yelled.
"Oh no!" Corey yelled.
Chapter 2
The House of Dobo 9
The House of Dobo 9
Corey fell down from the poison. When he woke up he was in a bed. There were eight people above him. He recognized Tuck, but didn't know who the rest were.
"Tuck where am I?" Corey asked.
"You're at Dobo 9's home," an old man, dressed all in white, answered, "I am Dobo 9."
"Who are all these people?" Corey asked.
"Your companions," Dobo 9 said, "You're going on an adventure to save our world. You have to get the Crown of Dankar from those Elves. Then destroy it. This scroll proves it."
Dobo 9 held out a piece of parchment with strange runes on it.
"Oh. When do we leave?" Corey asked, excited that he was going to go on an adventure in medieval times.
"As soon as you know everyone," Dobo 9 said.
A hobbit stepped forward and said, "I'm Sam Gamjeee." He looked liked your typical medieval times hobbit. He had dreadlocks in his black hair and a brown leather vest.
Next a human stood up, "I'm Pobad, the merchant." Pobad was tall and lean. He looked like he was a purebred. He sported blue and white garb with a big green belt.
Another human got up, she said, "I'm Gutte." Gutte was a medium built woman. She had big razor claws upon her arms, and a razor boomerang hung on her brown belt. She also had two razor daggers at her sides. She was dressed in brown and green, with big pig tails in her hair.
"I'm Steve, son of Queve," a dwarf said. He was wearing a horned helmet and brandishing a huge battle ax. He had a red beard.
"I am Kilcorhunte," another dwarf said. Kilcorhunte was Steve with a yellow beard.
"I am Bormine, a darack," an angel looking person said. He wore a loin cloth and carried a mighty looking black shafted spear with a glistening golden tip.
"And you know Tuck already," Dobo 9 said, "Now get out of my house and go on your quest."
The party of eight left Dobo 9's house and walked into a wooded area.
"Where are we?" asked Corey.
"The Dead Woods," Pobad said.
"Where do we go oh greatest of leaders?" Steve asked.
"Ahbana," Corey mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Kilcorhunte yelled.
The two dwarves rushed Corey knocking him to the ground.
"By Shoat! Enough all of you!" Pobad shouted.
The dwarves got up off Corey. Corey got up and brushed himself off and asked, "Who is Shoat?"
"Our main god. He takes the form of a warthog and rules all other gods," Pobad said.
"He even rules the mighty god of war Dorp, but enough of this which way do we go?" Kilcorhunte said.
"We should take the Talark Pass," Gutte said.
"That would take us through Kal-Lor. That land is evil and no dwarf shall ever set foot there," Kilcorhunte said.
"I've been there," Sam said, "And I live today."
"We take the Talark Pass," Corey said.
The party walked down the path toward Kal-Lor as Dobo 9 watched from the kitchen window.
"Sire they won't survive the perils of Kal-Lor," his best friend and personal guard, Chief of Guards said.
"Then you and I shall ride to Elfguard this day and meet up with them at Wesburrow," Dobo 9 said sipping his tea.
Chief of Guard put on his gray-gleaming mailcoat, good mask-helmet, picked up his broadshield and he and Dobo 9 rushed to the stable. They saddled the horses, Dorgo and Gunther. The two then set off down the Anavrin Path.
Meanwhile the party of seven walked towards the fortress of Kal-Lor.
The group continued their conversation about the gods with Corey.
"The gods are ruled by Shoat, the warthog. He is all powerful and rules in Foret, the kingdom of the gods," Pobad said, "Shoat had three sons. These sons were Dorp, god of war, Amor, god of peace, and Legosil. Legosil was the god of the dead. It was an honor, for he brought all the great heroes to Foret, but one day he became evil and was banished from Foret. There were also two goddesses. They were Goiva, goddess of beauty, and Harett, goddess of truth and justice."
"Where I live most people only believe in one god," Corey said.
"How odd," Steve said.
By this time the group had reached Kal-Lor. The fortress was now rubble.
"A great battle took place here," Tuck said surveying the wreckage, "But between who I know not."
"Hush, what was that noise," Pobad said.
A low chuckling sound was emanating from the ruins. Suddenly a huge grundel, an ape-like creature, sprung from the rubble.
"Grundels!" Gutte yelled.
Tuck pulled back his bowstring and let an arrow fly saying, "Tuck hits everything."
The grundel dropped as the arrow sank deep into his chest. He was dead.
Sam was sent out to survey the area, and he soon returned.
"He was alone," Sam reported.
It was getting dark, and the party could barely see two paces in front of them.
"It's to dark to continue," Gutte said, "We must camp here."
"No! Not here!" Steve said, "What if that grundel wasn't alone?"
"Someone will stay on watch," Pobad said, "She's right it's to dark to go any further tonight."
The camp was set up and Corey wandered through the ruins of Kal-Lor. He stumbled on a block and fell. He saw before him a mace. He lifted the mighty weapon.
"Look what I found," he said.
From the darkness, a black shape emerged, "That is the Mace of Malkir, also known as Foe Fighter Wreckage. It was forged by my ancestors in the great caves of Ponadog. Dwarves dwell there now."
Then Steve son of Queve said, "Ponadog!! That's where I used to live, then my parents got trampled by a Wrynosoriss. I hear grundels live there, except for the Dwarven slaves."
Then Kilcorhunte son of Chutekorded said, "Ponadog!! Grundels!! I'm goin' there now to save them dwarves. Who's gonna help?"
Suddenly the dark figure walked out of the shadows. He was a short man with pointy ears. Actually he was an elf. He wore a black cloak over his blood red and white tunic. He then spoke, "I am Barlo, the greatest Rune elf in the world. I am a good Archererer. I make arrows myself, the natural way. I will come with you to Ponadog."
Steve stepped forward, "I am going as well. I hear the Grundels have pet Wrynosorisses and I want to kill them."
Corey, terrified, said, "No! I'm scared! I won't go!"
Then Tuck said, "Shut up you little piece of Wrynosoriss dung. Who asked you. You're just Corey Fife. You're not important, but I guess I will go with you where ever you go."
Sam said, "I'll go with Corey. I'm in a like way with him."
The group noticed that Bormine had disappeared from the scene and didn't want to look for him, because he was just dumb.
Suddenly 16 rune elves jumped out of the ruins. They all said that they would go to Ponadog. Everyone else in the party said they would go to Ponadog. So that was the breaking up of the fellowship of the crown.
Chapter 3
Bormine's Trek
Bormine's Trek
Bormine had been captured by grundels and was brought atop the great mountain Apanogy. He let out a ghastly scream when a grundel sliced off the darack's wings. It was a ritual slaying to the dark god, Legosil. Blood shot from Bormine's back and formed a small puddle on the ground. He then flung himself around and drove a black shafted spear through the heart of his enemy. The grundel then let out a shrieking howl before its death, to alert the other guards of the escape. The caves had become slave pits run by grundels. The slaves were daracks, a race that resembled humans but feathered wings lay upon its back and atop the ears formed a point, like that of an elf's. Another fact that separated them from other mortals on the planet was that they are the only race which can reach the heavens and talk with the angles and gods, but not even the daracks are allowed to speak with the high god Shoat.
Bormine rushed back to his cell to help free his cell mates; Shamo, an archer darack; and Drake, an elven swordsman who had also been trained in the magical arts.
"What happened to you?" Drake asked seeing the blood.
"Nothing, you must get out of here. I shall wait here," Bormine said.
"I know the pain must be overwhelming, but we must hurry before more guards come!" whispered Shamo, his fear controlling his common sense. "Even with their crude weapons they could still best us all. We are unarmed and low in number. We must run!"
"Nay my good friend," said Bormine unusually calm, "my condition will not allow me to continue, you must go without me."
"No! Either we all leave or none do. And please say no and not nay. It sounds so dumb," said Drake, "Besides, you told us you traveled through here once, your knowledge could be helpful."
"Aye, but only since I cannot sacrifice the life of my friends because of my condition. I will need some cloth to stop the bleeding of my wound, though," responded Bormine with his spear in hand and pain in his back.
Quickly Shamo took a thin sheet, which he found on his bed, and tied it around Bormine. Then without any more waste of time they proceeded on to escape the view of the guards swiftly approaching in the dim torch light. When they came to the light of day they had to make a swift choice. Since only one could fly now the other two would have to climb down the side of the seemingly never ending side, or take the crystal cavern to the ground. Soon they mutually chose the caverns.
"Since only I can fly," said Shamo, " I will fly down and meet you outside."
"Good luck my friend," moaned Bormine, pain still in his back.
"I wish the same upon you," responded Shamo, and off he went.
The grundels were soon upon Bormine and Drake.
"Oh no it's grundels!" Drake yelled.
Since the two were unarmed the grundels quickly slew them. The grundels then started after the darack.
"It's grundels!" Shamo yelled.
The grundel archers aimed crude arrows at Shamo and fired quarrel after quarrel at him, hitting his wings and sending him plummeting into the brush below. Shamo awoke several hours later and felt his wings. He knew that they would never work again.
"Please Shoat let me fly once more," he prayed.
Suddenly a big, hairy warthog appeared and said, "You want to fly here are some wings."
"Thanks Shoat!" Shamo exclaimed.
Shoat chopped off the broken wings and then strapped on the new wax wings.
"Don't fly near heat or they'll melt," Shoat said.
"Okay Shoat I won't."
With that Shamo fly into the sky. Little did he know, but a hut thirty miles away had just lit a fire. The wax started melting onto Shamo's back.
"Ow pain!" Shamo yelled.
He fell into a lake and the weight of the wings made him sink. He too had become carnage.
Chapter 4
Journey to Ponadog
Journey to Ponadog
The crew going to Ponadog was on the trip for 3 days when a strange turn of events happened.
"Are we there yet," Gutte complained.
"Shut up you fool of a human, we're almost there, just ...". The rune elf's words were cut short by an arrow piercing his throat. 153 more arrows followed, each hitting a vital organ. But rune elves are tough.
"Grundels are upon us!" he yelled as he ripped out all the arrows and stabbed them at the grundels. Unfortunately, a Wrednek Grundel with brown boots, white tube socks with red lines, dark blue, almost purple pants, with yellow stitching, and overalls over his bare chest, smashed the rune elf in the head with a shovel. The rune elf landed on the arrows and they all pierced him again in different places. He got up and stabbed the Wrednek's remaining finger off. Then he poked out the Wrednek's eyes with the 154 arrows that he ripped out of himself again. Then he died.
By that time all of the rune elves had got into the 'Tuck hits everything' stance, that Tuck tough them. They fired quarrel after quarrel at the grundels. Each arrow hit the mark and buried itself deep in the grundel's kneecap. Unfortunately, the Wrednek Grundels didn't have kneecaps, so the arrow just stuck in skin.
Up in a nearby tree was Pobad. He jumped down with his War Hammer on the Grundels. They fell, but one had a last lash that hit Pobad in the shin. Pobad fell to the ground and screamed in agony.
Behind the tree was Steve son of Queve. He jumped into the fray with his Mighty Battle Ax of Striker, and chopped the heads off of 9 Grundels. As soon as the grundels set there arrows in motion, the son of Queve dropped his Battle Ax on Pobad's shoulder, but it was just blunt end. Then Queve's offspring ran into a hole and hid.
Then Gutte stepped up. She had a Razor Boomerang and threw it into the crowd of Grundels. It slashed open many chests before it returned. Just as Gutte jumped out of the way, she got a Grundel arrow in her ankle.
Then a valiant rune elf jumped into the carnage. He was about to slice some Grundel arms off when he jammed his finger. He fell to the ground and could fight no more. He thought his wound was the worst that any one had ever suffered, until 240 arrows pierced each eyeball. Then he was dead.
Then Barlo jumped over a rock into the fighting, wielding his Magic Elf Sword, named Grundel Chopper. When he was in midair his toe hit the rock. The thin elf shoes were little protection from the stub he got. Barlo fell to the ground crying, but he managed to throw rocks at the grundels from his position.
Soon, the grundels faced their fiercest foe ever, Poopy Murf, and his army. The Murfs were 3 apples high, blue, and lived in mushroom houses. They had heard the carnage and came running, for not much happened near their village. The Murfs were unseen by the large nearsighted grundels, and struck fiercely with their magic Murf sized battle axes, chopping toe after toe off of the grundels.
The Grundels retreated to a nearby hole, where they fired away at the Human Buddies. Pobad and Gutte blocked all the arrows with there hands. Then the Grundels threw trees at the elves, but the elves have control over trees and threw it back at them. Then a couple of fierce javelin wielding grundels jumped up, but all but one were shot down by the elves. The remaining one only had 67 arrows in his chest. He hurled his spear at the elves, and it went through 8 of them. They all died.
Then the Grundels ran away. The remaining rune elves, with the exception of poor Barlo chased after them. But they had poor eyesight, and didn't see the chasm in front of them, they fell in, and landed on some spikes. They spikes pierced their flesh, puncturing vital organs. They got up and jumped to the other side. They quickly caught up with the grundels when they were confronted by a waist sized wall of steel. They had to jump over if they were going to make it. So they all jumped and all of their shins hit the side and put dents in it, but on the other side was poison goo, the swamp, and they landed in it. They all died.
Back at the field of battle the party regrouped. They were all badly injured and tired.
"I am Poopy Murf," the little blue man, who was clad only in a pair of red pants with built in shoes, and a matching cap, said.
"I am Steve son of Queve. We wish to thank you for your help."
"You are welcome. The roads to Ponadog have become unsafe," Poopy said, "Is that where you are headed?"
"Yes we are going to liberate my people," Kilcorhunte said.
"May I join you? I know these roads very well." Poopy said.
"I think he would make a good addition to our party," Pobad said.
"All right, you may join us," Steve said.
With that Steve, Kilcorhunte, Pobad, Gutte, Poopy Murf, and Barlo set off to Ponadog.
Chapter 5
Bread For Breakfast
Bread For Breakfast
Corey awoke from his sleep stiff and hungry. The three had traveled for three days on trails that made his mountain paths he had mowed down look like a well paved street. He was dirty and tired but this was medieval times and he was happy.
Corey looked up to see Sam eating a dry slice of bread. The previous night he had forgotten to eat and his stomach was now gnawing away at itself.
"Food," Corey said.
"Yes it is. Would you like some?" Sam asked.
"Yes."
Sam handed Corey a thick slice of the stale bread loaf. Corey ate it quickly.
"Where's Tuck?" Corey asked between bites.
"At the lake," Sam answered, "Could you tell him we're leaving soon."
Corey found the lake and Tuck. Tuck was filling his wineskin. Corey caught a glimpse of himself in the lake. His hair was still blood red and he was wearing a brown tunic, white pants, and a pair of black leather boots. On his back Corey now carried a pack. He wondered where his favorite pair of bright orange hunting clothes had gone. He imagined that Dobo 9 had them. He noticed that his shirt didn't have a sports head on it either. When he saw Dobo 9 he would have to ask why it didn't.
"Hello Tuck," Corey said.
"Yeah what," Tuck said.
"We're leaving soon," Corey said.
"Yeah we have to go see those reject elves," Tuck said.
"Do you think they're still mad?" Corey asked nervously.
"They never were mad. That was just a game of theirs. You fool of a Fife!" Tuck said grumpily.
"Oh."
Corey and Tuck walked back to the camp. Sam was taking a pipe out of his bag.
"Ah Smokeroot!" Tuck said in an excited tone of voice, "Light it up."
Sam light the pipe and took a deep breath.
"What's Smokeroot?" Corey asked.
Tuck explained as he took drags from the pipe, "Smokeroot come from a plant called the Golog bush. Elvish scouts discovered it in the Solun Valley. They brought it back and planted it here. It's the Wood Elves biggest source of income."
"Oh."
After awhile Sam and Tuck stopped smoking. After Tuck stopped coughing, the three set off walking down the road until they came to a sign.
"Elfguard is just an hours walk away," Sam said.
An hour later they had reached the town. They saw Dobo 9 sitting on a tree stump.
"Well you made it," he said, "Where are the others?"
"We met a rune elf and they went with him to liberate the dwarves of Ponadog," Tuck said.
"I have already spoken to the Head Elf-Punk," Dobo 9 said, "I now have the crown. We now must destroy it."
"How though? I heard that it can't be destroyed," Tuck said.
"Except by the fire it came from," Dobo 9 said.
"We must bring it to Mount Roushmour then!" Sam said.
"Yes," Dobo 9 said, "We leave tomorrow."
That night was filled with much partying. Barrel after barrel of the elvish brew was tapped. The group feasted on tender, batter fried, chicken strips, which reminded Corey of chicken nuggets. They also ate lots of a strange fruit that looked like grapes, but had the taste not unlike that of apples.
The next morning Corey felt the effects of the previous night's party when Sam woke him up before the sun had risen. He and Sam walked outside to see Dobo 9, Chief of Guards, Tuck, and two elves.
"Well let us be off!" Dobo 9 shouted.
The group walked towards Mount Roushmour, the gate to the Dark World. Dobo 9 knew that someone would have to enter the Dark World to destroy the crown and that meant a death. He wondered who he would send in as he walked.
Finally it was Corey who spoke, "What are your names?"
"I'M CUTTER!" one elf shouted.
"MY NAME IS HURLEY!" the other elf of medieval times said.
The group, seven in number once more, walked through the brush of the Furmir Forest.
Corey thought about his life back home. He thought what he would be doing now, "I'd probably be watching the big game."
"It is getting late," Dobo 9 said when they came to a clearing, "We camp here tonight."
In the distance Corey could see the sinister looking glow of Mount Roushmour. He gripped Foe Fighter Wreckage tightly as he peered into the darkened forest. The forest even felt dark and evil.
Soon camp was set and the party gathered around the camp fire. Dobo 9 began to tell a story, "Long ago, when only elves and humans lived, there was a man named Roadeblok. Roadeblok was a human, and a champion to the humans and elves alike. He vanquished the foes from this earth. The humans made him a king. He saved the elves from almost certain destruction so as a gift they gave him The Crown of Dankar. Roadeblok like most people had some amount of evil in him, and when he wore the crown his wickedness grew. It grew to the point where he was no long human. He had become the demon, Lanor, and he covered the world in darkness until one day the crown was knocked from his head in combat. It rolled into a bush where it was found by a human thief. Mollem was this thief's name. He was tortured and driven insane from wearing the crown, which he used to thieve and find out secrets. Mollem hid in a dark cave for the crown had physically deformed him too. If it wasn't for a young elven prince, on a quest that took him through the caves, Mollem would have become just like Lanor. The prince, who was named Bluclavin Kilns, tricked Mollem out of the crown and took it home as a trophy. The crown remained at Elfguard until today. At Elfguard no one dared to don the crown for they all knew of it's powers. While it was at Elfguard a brave hero known as The Foe Fighter went to destroy Lanor. The Foe Fighter had discovered the way to kill Lanor. The way was shoot him with magic red arrows, then stab him with a spear of blue. Before he could act, however, Lanor smashed The Foe Fighter. The crown was safe though. But, I'm sure Lanor knows who we are and where the crown is. For centuries he had looked, but Elfguard is protected from Dark Magic, so he could never find it. But, now I'm sure he knows and I am sure that he'll try to get it back."
Corey became frightened, he didn't want to die. He couldn't because this was an adventure in medieval times. Heroes never died then. But then again, elves in medieval times weren't punks. Maybe this wasn't the real medieval times. This could be a fake. He would have to go on the adventure in medieval times because it was his only chance of getting home. So then Corey son of Greg hid behind Sam Gamjeee. Meanwhile, Tuck's arthritis got worse so he couldn't hold stuff.
So the crew slept.
and part three. They're in a good way.