A long time ago in the dark ages when this website was known as Kimchi & Me and was hosted by the fine people at blogger (or whatever conglomerate owns said name), I ran a three day educational series known as Hanjapalooza where I revealed awesome knowledge such as the fact that in Korea (and if the comments were to be believed elsewhere in Asia) people use 正 to tally junk up.

Much like Perry Farrell in the 2000s, I too have decided that Hanjapalooza still has some viability and vitality, so like Jean Grey in the X-men it’s rising from the ashes, and in the words of Rage Against The Machine,”It’s comming back around again!” The 漢字 to kick this whole thing off is going to be:

“Peach trees?! You brought us all the way out here to rap at us about peaches?!”

Well, yes and no. If you give me a moment to explain myself you’ll see that there is something outstanding about this particular 漢字. But to start, 桃 does mean “peach,” and as such is used in the following words.

천도 (天桃) - 천도 peaches are a type of fruit consumed by the gods, which I suppose makes them something like manna. However, unlike manna, these peaches are also readily avalible in most fruit markets.
백도 (白桃) - “White peaches.” Unlike 천도 these peaches are throughly non-magical…but they do come in a can which I guess is kind of magic.
황도 (黃桃) - “Yellow peaches.” Another variety of canned, non-magical peaches.
도화 (桃花) - Peach flowers.
도화색 (桃花色) - “Peach flower color.” This word is used to refer to something (like cheeks) that English speakers would call “rosey.”

“Enough with the peaches already!”

Alright homie! Thanks for bearing with me as long as you did. Now here’s the payoff! In addition to meaning “peach,” 桃 has a second, more awesomer meaning as well…particularly when combined with 色 (빛 색 color). When these two characters rock out together (without 花) they mean something like lewd, obscene, sexy, or pornographic. Yeah I heard you yell, “AWESOME!” at the top of your lungs. Let’s check out some sleazy vocab!

도색문학 (桃色文學) - pornography
도색영화 (桃色映畵) - a porno flick
도색잡지 (桃色雜誌) - a pornographic magazine
도색본 (桃色本) - a sex book

Well that about does it here. If you know any other lewd phrases using 桃 let me know. Additionally, to the speakers of Chinese and Japanese out there, is 桃 just as raunchy in your languages or was that a purely Korean use? Peace out my babies!

Like I said several posts back, recently I’ve been reading a lot of books on Korean history, and in reading these books I’m discovering quite outstanding chunks of vocabulary I had previously be largely unaware of. Today I present unto you, a list of alternate words that one would have to use when talking to or about a king.

“Say what?!”

Korean like Japanese (and I’m sure some other languages) has different levels of respect reflected in their speech so that one would not make a suggestion to a kindergarten student the same way they would make a suggestion to their boss at work. To this end there are from time to time, completely different words meaning the same thing that one would use to different people. A current example that comes to mind quickly is the verb “to eat.” If I were to talk about eating with someone of a lower or equal social status to myself I could use the word “먹다,” but if I were speaking with someone social higher than myself I would have to use the word “잡수다.”

Confused? Good…so am I! Anyhow back in the day the person at the top of the social status pyramid was the king. Therefore there was a whole set of alternative vocabulary that existed to talk about the junk the king was up to. So here, for your enjoyment and mine is a list of assorted kingly words from the Chosun period (and possibly earlier, but the book I learned about them in only was talking about the Chosun period).

So let’s look at some words that you must know in the event that you happen to meet any Chosun-era royality.

English - King - Standard Korean

Body - 옥체 (玉體) - 몸
Face - 용안 (龍顔) - 얼굴
Forehead - 액상 - 이마
Eyes - 안정 (眼睛) - 눈
Sweat - 한수 - 땀
Tears - 안수 - 눈물
Snot - 비수 - 콧물
Lips - 구순 (口脣) - 입술
Hand - 어수 (御手) - 손
Blood - 혈 (血) - 피
Shit - 매화 - 똥
Fart - 통기 - 방귀
Food / Rice / Meal - 수라 (水刺) - 밥
Chair - 용상 (龍床) - 의자
Clothes - 용포

Of all the words I think my personal favorite would have to be 통기. Seriously, why would anyone be rappin’ with the king about ripping ass? I would assume that a royal fart would be kind of like a fart released by one’s conservative grandfather in that you just kind of ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. Anyhow if for some reason you know any other regal words release the compassion and leave a comment.

This list originally appeared in Korean in the book 「경복궁에서의 왕의 하루」 written by 청동말굽. Low quality English translation done by yours truly.

I’ve lived in the country nearly three years now, and thought I had heard every single name that a white person in Korea can be called. I’ve heard 외국인, 외국사람, 미국인, 미국사람, 백인, 씹새끼…pretty much every title that is bellowed when a westerner enters the premise. So imagine my surprise when I was address in not one, but two new ways in the past week.

The first came the other day while I was walking home from work. Cutting through an apartment complex, a group of elementary school girls saw me and one of them in utter shock proclaimed, “와! 영어사람 이다!”

Now for those who can’t read, speak, or understand Korean at all, let me break this one down for you. The first word, “와! (Wah!)” is basically the same thing as “Woah!” in English. People proclaim it when they are in shock. If I hear it, it is usually followed by 미국사람, or 외국인…but not this time. The last word “이다 (ida)” is the verb “to be.” Verbs go at the end of the sentence in Korean, other than that nothing to really say about this word. The middle part is what caused me to do a double take.

“영어 (young-oh)” is English as in the language. It is not used when talking about people or brands of beer or companies. “사람 (saram)” means person. So this girl was proclaiming her shock at seeing an “English language person.” I was with 진희 at the time and turned to her, “Did that girl just call me a 영어사람?”

“Yes she did.”

“Can people do that in Korean?”

“Nope.”

Fast forward a couple days, and I was sent to the supermarket to purchase some carrots and bananas. Buying produce works like this in most Korean supermarkets: you take the vegetable you want out of a big bin, put it in a plastic bag, hand that bag to a dude working in the store. That dude then weighs the vegetables, slaps a price sticker on it, and gives it back to you.

So I got my 흙당근 (dirt carrots…apparently the dirt keeps them fresh) bagged them and handed them to the guy working there. He slapped the sticker on the bag, and with a big smile handed them back to me and proclaimed in English, “Thank you Conky!”

Conky? As a child of the 1980s, right away I thought of the robot from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. Then as my brain parsed what had been said I was reminded of another television Conky, that being the puppet from the outstanding Canadian television program Trailer Park Boys. So I got my carrots and bananas, and left the supermarket feeling pretty awesome…much better than when I was reduced to simply being an “English Language Person.”

As of late I’ve been reading a lot of Korean history books / historical texts in Korean, because it seems like a decent thing to do. In my recent readings, I came across an outstanding list from the Chosun period (who doesn’t love lists or the Chosun period?) detailing food stuffs that should not have been eaten by pregnant women. So I have gone through the trouble of translating this list for everyone to enjoy.

「옛 임산부들의 금지식품」*
Food prohibited for pregnant women long ago

닭고기: 피부가 닭살처럼 된다.
Chicken: The skin will be like a chicken’s flesh.

돼지고기: 풍기가 있고, 족발을 먹으면 육손이 된다.
Pork: The child will have morals**, and if ham hocks (pig’s feet) are eaten the child will be born with six fingers.

오리고기: 손가락 발가락이 오리발처럼 된다.
Duck: The hands and feet will be like that of a duck (webbed).

개고기: 아이가 앙알거린다.
Dog: The baby will bark like a dog.

토끼고기: 언청이가 되거나 눈이 빨개진다.
Rabbit: The child will have a harelip and red eyes.

자라: 목이 짧은 아기를 낳는다.
Snapping Turtle: A short necked child will be born.

녹용: 머리가 둔한 아기를 낳는다.
Antlers of a Young Deer: A dull-witted child will be born.

잉어: 딸을 낳는다.
Carp: A daughter will be born.

게 아이가 옆으로 나온다.
Crab: The baby will come out sideways.

홍어: 아기 몸이 납작해지고 피부가 거칠어진다.
Skate: The baby’s body will be flat and the skin will be rough.

낙지, 문어, 해삼, 가오리: 뼈 없는 아기를 낳는다.
Squid, Octopus, Sea Cucumber, Stingray: A boneless child will be born.

가자미: 눈이 가자미처럼 삐뚤어진다.
Flatfish: The eyes will be crooked like those of a flatfish.

메밀: 임산부의 배가 얇아지거나 유산한다.
Buckwheat: The pregnant woman’s stomach will become thin or she will miscarry.

밀가루: 소화가 안되고 태아가 밀가루를 뒤집어쓴다.
Flour: The woman will be unable to digest and the embryo will be covered with flour.

쌀: 생쌀을 먹으면 젖이 마른다.
Rice: If you eat rice, your breast will be dry.

팥: 살경이 검은 아기를 낳는다.
Red Bean: A child with a dark complexion will be born.

버섯: 아기가 튼튼하지 못하다. 수명이 짧아진다.
Mushroom: The child will not be hearty, and the life span will be shortened.

고추: 유산하거나 바보를 낳는다. 입덧이 심해진다.
Red Pepper: The feteus will abort or the child will be born a moron. Morning sickness will be severe.

무, 두부, 호박: 임산부의 이가 상한다.
Radish, Tofu, Pumpkin/Zucchini: The pregnant woman’s teeth will rot.

미나리: 아기가 복학에 걸린다. 유산한다.
Dropwart: The baby will be caught in the spleen. Miscarriage.

더덕: 젖이 안 나온다.
Codonopsis lanceolata: Breast milk will not be generated.

밤: 쌍밤을 먹으면 쌍뚱이를 낳는다.
Chestnut: If you eat chestnuts, you will give birth to twins.

인삼: 젖이 잘 나온지 않는다. 태아가 커서 난산한다.
Ginseng: Breast milk will not be generated well. The delivery will be difficult due to the fact that the embryo will be large.

흰죽: 분만시 태아가 흰 보를 쓰고 나온다.
Rice Gruel: The child will come out in a white covering at the time of birth.

무김치: 임산부의 이가 상한다.
Radish Kimchi: The pregnant woman’s teeth will rot.

감주: 유산한다.
Sweet Rice Drink: Miscarriage.

* The original Korean version of this list originally appeared in the book 「뜻밖의 한국사」 by 김경훈.

** The word 풍기 means “morals” or “discipline” which doesn’t really seem like a negative trait. However the term 풍기 문란 means “corruption,” which seems more appropriate. The original text was lacking the 문란 part, therefore if you eat pork your child will be moral.

This past Friday (May 5th, 2006), in South Korea, there were not one, but two national holidays: Children’s Day (어린이날) and Buddha’s Birthday (부처님 오신날). Due to these holidays, neither 진희 nor I had any work to do. Therefore, we reserved some bus tickets to the southern reaches of the Korean Peninsula.

The day started for us at the crack of dawn. The bus we were taking to Busan left the bus terminal at 6:30 in the morning, so we were up at 5:00. Showers were taken, final packing was done, and then we were on our way to Busan. We walked to a bus stop. We took a bus from the stop to the subway station. We took the subway to the express bus terminal, and from the terminal we were off to Busan. The trip from Bundang to Busan was completely uneventful. The wife and I slept most of the way there, save for the short period during which the bus pulled into a rest area for a quick potty / eat stuff on a stick break.

Approximately five hours later we were at the bus terminal in Busan. It wasn’t long before my ears were assaulted with the local regional dialect. I am still amazed that a country as geographically small as Korea can have such diverse and different dialects from region to region. I suppose that the different regional dialects can be attributed to the mountainous geography of the country. Anyhow back to Busan’s dialect…I personally found it extremely difficult to understand and had to really focus to understand what people were saying. It’s really difficult to explain it, so I’ll turn your attention to this here website explaining the dialect of the area.

From the terminal we got on a subway train and headed towards Haeundae (해운대), a beach area. The subway system in Seoul is much easier to use than its counterpart in Busan. The Busan system seemed to have only three different lines, with very few stations at which one could transfer. Additionally the subway trains seemed to be much more narrow and definately shorter than those in Seoul. None of this was really a problem, since we got from point A to point B (b is for beach) with no problems what-so-ever.

IMG_3518
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

Haeundae was simply amazing. The entire area had a very laid back and relaxing vibe (good God I sound like such a hippie). Due to the fact that the beach area was surrounded by large buildings and such, Haeundae and the surrounding area kind of reminded me of Repulse Bay in Hong Kong. 진희 said she was reminded of San Fransisco for the same reason.

After a walk on the beach and a quick snack of the regional delicacy, 어묵 / 오뎅(ohmook / odeng) we decided to head to the nearby area known as 달맞이길 (Moon Viewing Road).

Inspite of the fact that we visited the Moon Viewing Road in the middle of the afternoon, the place was still quite nice. Basically it was a walkway up a hill, and at the top of the hill there was a pavilion overlooking the ocean. All in all it was really quite pretty. After seeing the lack of a moon at the summit of the Moon Viewing Road, we decided to head back into the city proper and then onward to an island in the south where there were ferry rides. So we jumped on a bus and took off for further adventure.

DSC03978
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

BUSAN FUN FACT: Just as there is a brand of milk known as Seoul Milk which can be purchased in Seoul, Busan has a similarly named milk. Dubbed Busan Milk (or 부산우유 in Korean) it is virtually identical to all other milk. As a quick aside, Seoul Milk is also sold in Busan.

After a quick bus ride we disembarked near Busan station and began making our way towards Taejongdae (태종대), the afore mentioned island with ferry rides. As we walked we asked various citizens of Busan for directions, all of them responding with vague, “It’s that way. No, it’s not too far,” type directions. So we walked and walked. We went past the area dubbed 상해문 (上海門 / Shanghai Gate), which inspite having a Chinese theme going on with the street lights was extremely Russian (all manner of Cyrillic signs were there). We walked past the dry fish market with a sign with a giant cartoon character squid statue attached to it. Oh what smells rose from that area! We crossed a bridge. On and on we walked. “That way! Not more than 10 minutes!”

Apparently Busan residents have some sort of The Flash-esque speed going on since after walking a good five kilometers or so, we gave up and got on a bus. The bus to the island took approximately 15 minutes. Anyhow we unfortunately arrived a little to late to ride the ferry since the stop running at 6:00 in the evening. Therefore instead of riding on a ship, we sat on a dock and took some more photos. After a short period of looking at waves, we decided to head back towards the city and stop in and have dinner at a fish market.

DSC03991
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

Vegetarians, animal rights activists, and those of you that can not stand the thought of consuming sea creatures, please skip this next Busan Fun Fact.

BUSAN FUN FACT: In Busan (and perhaps other coastal areas in Korea) it is possible, and fully legal to eat whale meat (which is exactly what the picture to the right is a picture of). That’s right, while in Busan I chowed down upon Shamu. So how does whale taste? Great! It doesn’t have a real fishy taste to it, and it’s not quite a meat taste. It’s kind of hard to explain. The blubber is kind of buttery tasting, and the skin is really chewy. The only draw back to whale meat is the cost. The small plate shown in the picture cost 20,000 won (roughly $20US).

Ok…it’s safe to come back now! In addition to the above, we also had some extremely fresh 회 (raw fish). Submitted for your approval is the following video of our dinner plate.

That pink, moving stuff on the plate is 해삼 (海蔘 / haesam) also known as a sea cucumber.

With dinner out of the way we decided to check out the area known as 용두산공원 (龍頭山公園 / Dragon Head Mountain Park). This park is the home of the Busan Tower and is very similar to 남산 (南山 / South Mountain) in Seoul…only there were palm trees, a statue of 이순신, and a statue of a dragon with a light in its mouth. On the mountain, 진희 and I had a soft drink and looked out over the night skyline of Busan. When we decided that we had had enough, we got on a subway train and headed back towards the bus terminal to get a room for the night. Since we had to be on a bus out of the city early the next morning, we thought it would be best to stay near the bus terminal.

We ended up staying in a fairly sleazy place. It was the kind of hotel where the only things on the television were Japanese porno films (and to the person that left a comment about 현영 voice, I know now what you were talking about when you brought up porn from the land of the rising sun). Anyhow we drank some brews and then headed off to sleep. Thus concludes day one of our southern pilgrimage.

The complete photo set can be located here, in the event that you wish to examine other photographs of my wife and I in the city of 부산.

DSC03826
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

A friendly reminder from the good folks at the Department of Gender Equality and the Police Department, not to be buying or selling sex.

I carefully considered how to go about presenting the text to accompany this horrible photographed sign I witnessed on the subway. At first I thought about combining the photo with some sort of news article about the sex trade in Korea obtained from The Chosun Ilbo, countless character assassinations in the comments section, and some sort of headline proclaiming “MUST READ!!!” I quickly realized that this is not The Marmot’s Hole, and decided to do something else.

My next option was to simply make a crude joke about it. Something like, “Is renting sex ok?” or “What about buying porn?” Since I’ve just presented pretty much all the jokes one could make about that sign, and it didn’t make a very interesting read, I decided to go all educational on you and hit you with some completely useless 漢字 knowledge.

性 (성품 성) among its several other uses is used in words dealing with sex. So let’s get it on, with a partial vocabulary list most sexy (partial because it will end the second I get bored with this…작심삼일 baby!)

성 (性) - a sex, a gender
성감 (性感) - sexual feeling
성감대 (性感帶) - an erogenous zone
성과학 (性科學) - sexology (is that even really a word?)
성교하다 (性交하다) - to have sexual intercourse
성교육 (性敎育) - sex education
성기 (性器) - sexual organs
성도덕 (性道德) - sexual morality
성도착증 (性倒錯症) - sexual perversion
성범죄 (性犯罪) - a sex crime (ala Law & Order: SVU)
성병 (性病) - an STD
성본능 (性本能) - sexual urges
성생활 (性生活) - sex life
성선 (性腺) - a sex gland, gonad
성애 (性愛) - sexual love, eros
성욕 (性慾) - carnal desire
성용품 (性用品) - sexual supplies (things like condoms, vibrators, ect.)
성적 (性的) - sexual
성전 (性典) - a book on sex, an encyclopedia of sex
성전환 (性轉換) - a sex change
성지식 (性知識) - knowledge of sex
성추행 (性醜行) - sexual molestation
성행위를 하다 (性行爲를 하다) - to perform a sexual act

That about does it kids. Feel free to print it out for easy use on the subway. I’m sure the 아줌마 looking over your shoulder to see what you are doing will enjoy it a lot.

Sometime several months back I was investigating via the internet the process by which I needed to obtain my Mel Gibson Bellowing “Freedom” Stamp in my passport (better known as an F-2 visa), and for some reason the websites that came up the most often (but had the least useful information) were various recruiters for hagwon positions. Among the non-F-2 visa obtaining information was one piece of information I saw no less than 203 times.

While it is true that knowledge of Korean is not required for the actual employment part of living in Korea as an English teacher, having at least some knowledge of Korean not only makes your stay easier and more enjoyable, but it’s a lot more polite as a resident of a country to at least put forth some effort in learning the language of the land in which you are residing. Anyhow, segway to some links for those of you who have no idea about the Korean language, but have set your mind on teaching in Korea. Don’t say I never did anything for ya!

Sogang University Online Korean Course
Kosnet Online Korean Program
Korean Slang Dictionary
Korean-English Dictionary

DSC03756
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

Awhile back at the bus stop, while waiting for the bus, I encountered this signage while waiting for the bus at the bus stop. I stared at it, completely perplexed by the seriously god-awful font before me. Was it some foreign language for mail order brides (since I have seen signs advertising for them as well)? Was I just really drunk? Before I code decode it, my chariot arrived and I headed off to adventure.

The next day I returned to the bus stop with my wife (born, raised, and educated in Korea) and the pair of us examined the sign in great detail. After much research we were finally able to determine the sign was in fact writen in Korean, and we were able to finally decipher what was written. Now I pass the torch to you. Can you figure it out? Check the answer by highlighting the brackets that follow: (광고문의).

If you are like me, chances are you were born sometime in the late 1970s or early 1980s. Additionally if you are like me you will on occassion reference random pieces of pop-culture from this time period in your day to day speech. The problem that arises is that when speaking Korean, this characters and shows are often non-existant…or so it may seem.

Often it is the case that some of the shows have completely different names. So for your benefit, I have complied this list of television programs from my childhood (late 1970s - early 1990s) for you to use in your next conversation. I apologize to any non-Americans who may read this, as the shows mentioned here are for the most part American (though I’m sure most of bore witness to this crap as well).

That’s it for the time being. If you have any corrections, or additional programs you feel I have overlooked, please leave a comment so that I can rectify such oversights and errors.

Thanks to Jay Lee, Joel, Jeff, et. al for alerting me to several crucial absences in this list.

Long time readers of this here webpage, or residents of Korea may already know of Mr. Lee Jun-gi (이준기), and how handsome he is. So I don’t really find it odd at all that companies want to get him to endorse their products. I mean he has an army of middle school aged girls waiting to obey his every command. What I don’t understand is why the producers of this commercial elected to have him sing. His voice is pretty awful. So awful is it that I can accurately immitate it (I am a horrible singer as well), and my wife cringes and either immediately changes the channel or leaves the room when it comes on the television. Anyhow…the commercial might be horrible, but the juice is not that bad. Apparently I am a pretty girl.

And here are you vocabulary words of the day. Be sure to study them as there will be a test next week.

미녀 (美女) - a pretty woman
석류 (石榴) - a pomegranate
좋아하다 - to like
Sample sentence: 미녀는 석류를 좋아해. Pretty girls like pomegranate.

꽃보다 남자…”Man That (Looks) Better Than a Flower.” It’s a pretty stupid term isn’t it? Somehow with the sucess of the film 왕의 남자 this term began showing up on all the Korean versions of Entertainment Tonight, and in all the fashion magazines. What exactly is a “Man that looks better than a flower?” Well friends, today we are going to do an in depth and comprehensive study as to what makes one a 꽃보다 남자.

These lads, for those of you that don’t happen to be 14 year old Chinese girls, are F4. F4 are some sort of Taiwanese ensemble, perhaps singers that were the hunky lead actors in a Taiwanese television program Meteor Garden (流星花園), based on a Japanese comic book, Hana Yori Dango (花より男子). This show aired in Korea, and for some reason, I briefly become all about it.

This program became my first exposure to Flower Men, primarily due to the fact that in Korea it was given the title, 꽃보다 男子. So in my first understanding of the term, 꽃보다 남자, was simply an Asian man with long hair strong jaws, and muscles that make the young girls swoon. And apparently I wasn’t that far off the mark. The series finished it’s run and that was the last I heard of 꽃보다 남자…until this winter.

The winter of 2005 / 2006 brought about the Korean film of the year, 왕의 남자. For those of you unfamiliar with this film, I turn you over to Joel of About Joel, who has a much better thought out and reasoned write up of this film than I could ever hope to create. I’ll wait for you, I promise….

Ok I see you are back. The above picture is 이준기 (Lee Jungi), the current King of the Korean Flower Men. In the film, this was the actor portraying the character kings assumed was a woman (or perhaps knew was a man and didn’t mind). Anyhow, as the film become more and more successful the press (and high school girls) started paying a lot of attention to 이준기 and his looks. The phrase 꽃보다 남자 came back, and my understanding of the term changed.

No longer did I assume it was muscled Asian dudes with nice hair and Superman-esque jaws. Now I was under the impression that the term referred to men that looked like women. “Ah! So 하리수 (Korean post-op transgender Harisu) is the ultimate 꽃보다 남자.” Apparently it doesn’t work that way. The second you have breasts (topless pictures of Harisu…avoid if you have problems with such things), you apparently become ineligable for 꽃보다 남자 status.

So I went back to the drawing board and came up with this theory…if you are a decent looking man and attract hordes of girls to scream and show up anywhere you go, then you are a 꽃보다 남자. Though this is the thing I don’t really understand. Here we have men that are prettier than the girls idolizing them…it would be kind of like American men lusting after big burly women that compete in Lumberjack Games, or have sex with the 1-2-3 Kid.

Anyhow, I’m going to go cut pictures of hot guys out of my Tiger Beat magazines and hang them on my walls…thanks a lot diary, you’re the only one who understands me!

Not so cryptic cryptic message number 1.

DSC02756
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

As an entertainer, the most important thing is my smile. That’s why I reach for Apatite! With the secret of the octagons, Apatite really makes me smile brightly!!! So, if you’re looking for that smile that says, “I too am an entertainer,” reach for a tube of Apatite, now with even more secrets of the octagons!

The Secret of the Octagons?! Surprisingly this phrase actually appears on the opposite side of the tube in Korean (팔각형의 비밀), so if anyone in the dental field reads this, could you please explain what exactly the secret of the octagons is?

Bonus 漢字 note: 美白 (미백) means beautiful white…which kind of makes sense seeing as how this is a whitening toothpaste.

DSC02649
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

Everyday I head out of Seoul to the countryside to go work, and recently I noticed this sign on the subway.

I particularly enjoy this sign due to the fact that nearly every word written here (save for the 漢字 or one Sino-Korean word that is written in 한글) are English words written in 한글.

白石大學校 (백석대학교 / baek seok dae hakgyo) - “White Stone” University
비전 (bijeon) - vision
기독교대학 (基督敎大學 gidokgyo daehak) - Christian University
글로벌 리더 (geullobeol lideo) - global leader

The only word that is purely Korean in this sign (save for the small print at the top) is 의 which is a possessive marker like ’s or the word of.

DSC02658
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

So yesterday afternoon I headed off to get my test on. What test you ask…why the 漢字能力 (Hanja Proficency) test of course! The test was being held in an area I had never been before, so I had to take a bus, having no idea where to disembark. Luckily for me the woman sitting next to me saw me looking at my map of where the site was and told me what stop to get off at.

So I get off the bus and I’m greeted by a huge mass of middle aged people banging drums, screaming into megaphones, and playing harmonicas…basically being loud and annoying. And they were marching right in front of the testing site. Totally awesome!

Moving from the street to the school, I found the classroom in which I had to take my test with relative ease. Sitting down in my chair I came to the realitization that I am old.

Since I am just an idiot I have only been studying 漢字 for a fairly short time I was taking a fairly low level test, meaning that the other people taking the test with me were all in first or second grade.

As I scanned the classroom I realized that I was probably older than some of the mothers who were doing some last minute preparation with their sons and daughters. I also realized that barring any kids who have some real creepy Law & Order: Special Victims Unit shit going on at home, I’d be the only one getting laid after the test.

Also while sitting there, I suddenly became a tad nervous. I was more than prepared for this test. I mean I had consumed 찹쌀떡 (a really sticky rice cake) and avoided 미역국 the night before (soup made with slippery seaweed)*, and I had taken more practice tests than I can count with ease. Yet when I realized I had not taken a test in something like three years, and hadn’t taken a test not involving essay questions and blue books in closer to five or six years, I got a little bit anxious.

Then the 3 o’clock hour hit, parents were kicked out of the room, tests were handed out, and my nervousness faded. No sooner had the door shut that 3 or 4 kids (myself included) began crying. The proctor settled them and handed out some exams.

As we began the tests, he walked around the room, checking ID cards to the papers he had to make sure the people in the chairs were the people who were supposed to be there. He was then sign off on the test answer sheet. By the time he got to my desk (about 10 minutes later), I had already finished the test. I am pretty sure that I only got one wrong (possibly two of the person correcting the test is kind about a poorly written sentence), so now I just have to wait some weeks before I have proof as to how awesome I am (in the realm of 漢字 anyhow).

So I headed out to meet 진희 to go shopping, and have dinner. All in all it was a pretty awesome day.

* There is a commonly held superstition in Korea that eating slippery food (like seaweed) will cause knowledge / test answers to slip from one’s grasp, while eating sticky food will cause the same knowledge / answers to get stuck in the persons mind.

One of the first words I learned how to write in 漢字 (aside from things like numbers) was 人口 (인구). While the characters making up this word literally mean people and mouth, this word means population, and I mention it not because I have to go take my 漢字 exam on Saturday afternoon, but because on Wednesday evening I was a victim of the 人口調査 (인구조사): the census.

After a long day at the office I arrived home, changed out of a suit into quasi-white trash gear (some sweat pants and a t-shirt with a picture of a bulldozer on it), and promptly got my eat on. Following my dinner, I sat down to watch some TV. It was a quarter to ten and I was eating a carrot and watching Without a Trace on AFN when my doorbell suddenly rang.

“I didn’t order Chinese food tonight. The girlfriend is at a supermarket about an hour away. It seems a little late for Bible Bangers. Who the shit is this?” I thought to myself.

So I open the door, dressed like white-trash and still eating a carrot, to discover some 아좀마 with a clipboard standing in the hall. Much like the Jehovah’s Witness that come a-callin’ upon seeing my white face a nervous look swept over her face. “Uhh…you…this…”

‘한국말 조금 할 수 있어요.” (I can speak Korean a little bit).

She then explained to me that she was taking the census, and needed me to fill out some document. Despite the fact that the census form was in English, it was insanely difficult…mainly due to the fact that aside from asking about my name, gender, nation of origin, and career, the majority of the questions were really technical stuff about my house. Things I had no knowledge of what-so-ever.

“How is water provided to your dwelling?”
“What kind of kitchen does your house contain?”
“What style bathroom do you possess?”

I had no idea what kind of kitchen I had since there was no bubble to fill in for “way too small,” just as their was no bubble to fill in that water is provided “coldly” to my house. I told the woman that she would be better served talking to my 집주인 (landlord), since he probably has a better understanding of the technically workings of my room than I do. I know I have water…I don’t give a rats ass how it gets to my house.

Anyhow I filled out my census, and bid the woman farewell and went back inside to be white-trash and eat carrots.

Roughly ever four or five months I go through the folder on my computer lovingly known as “Tunes” and go through the countless tunes contained within searching out rarely listened to uh…tunes. Occassionally I’ll find something worthwhile that I had forgotten about, but more often than not the crap I find is promptly deleted.

Recently I took it upon myself to undertake a “Tunes” purge once again. There among the one-hit wonders of early 90’s alternative rock, and random Pantera tunes, I found the Pimsleur’s Korean program. Apparently I had downloaded this awhile back and promptly forgotten about it, so this past week I’ve gave it a spin to check out how worthwhile it was, and now I bring you this report.

The over all program is not that bad, but my one major gripe with it was how formal the entire thing was. For those of you not in the know, Korean is a language that words (verbs in particular) change based upon who you are speaking to. You aren’t supposed to address a senior citizen the same way you would talk to a classmate, or a kindergarten student. Anyhow I digress…the form presented in this program are some of the most formal I have heard…which leads to some akward situations.

My personal favorite was the exchanged prefaced with “Imagine an American man meeting a Korean woman. He wants to begin a conversation with her.” Ok I’ve imagined it…what follows is the most formal exchange of words I have ever heard uttered in Korean. These people are dropping 선생님 (seonsaengnim) as the pronoun “you.” Now in Korean there are a couple different words meaning “you.” You got your 너 (neo), the lowest (in my limited knowledge), then you got your 당신 (dangshin) which is more formal than the previously mentioned 너, and in my experience is the version of “you” that one would drop anytime they are talking to someone that they don’t know that well, or that custom dictates you show respect to. And then there is 선생님. Literally this word means teacher, but as a pronoun it would be akin to “sir” or “ma’am” in the English language.

So there is this guy trying to mack it to a girl and using the most honorific forms of the language. He rocks something like this:

MAN: 실례합니다, 영어를 알심니까? (I am begging your pardon honorable ma’am, but do you have knowledge of the English language?)
WOMAN: 아니오, 선생님. (No I do not gentle sir).

Now I don’t frequently “spit game” at the ladies, but I’m willing to bet that this style of hitting on people of the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s what floats your boat) would not be extremely effective in scoring the babes. By the time you finished calling her ma’am she’d be off chatting it up with the dude who arrived in a sports car.

So I’m not particularly fond of this course. It is important to know how to speak formally, but this is a conversational program, and the bulk of people that one would be conversing with would not be speaking in this fashion (or require being spoken to in such a fashion). Additionally I felt the course moved far too slowly. Granted it was all materially I already knew, but over the five hours that made up the course they taught extremely few phrases. So overall Pimsleur Korean is not that awesome. Pantera’s “Cemetary Gates” on the other hand….

I mentioned a couple posts back how I had spent extremely little time at my homestead this past weekend. Things have continued in that fashion throughout the course of the week. Rare is the day that I spend more than a couple of hours in my apartment (and most of that time is spent sleeping or studying). So what actually have I been working on?

For starters I have Korean lessons in the morning twice a week. These lessons are going pretty well, but I have come to realize that I know very few verbs. My teacher will have me explain in great detail how I go about some menial task. The other day while explaining to my teacher how I go about cooking frozen 만두 I learned that a microwave doesn’t “cook (요리하다)” frozen mandu, but rather “thaws (해동하다)” it.

Other than my Korean lessons I’ve been meeting with my friends much more often than I had been in the past. For example, yesterday following a tough day at the office in which I had to teach a class of one student (since all of his classmates attend a different school and were on a field trip), I headed to 이대 to meet my friend 진희.

We had 닭갈비, and then went to a cafe for a cup of tea and a chat. She imparted all manner of Korean language knowledge upon me, including the word “동침하다 (同寢하다).” This word literally means “to sleep with another person,” and why she brought it up, I’m not really sure, but it’s certainly an important word to know, and I can’t believe that I’ve gone this far in my studies without coming across it.

We parted ways to return to our respective homes. I got home in about 20 minutes and about 20 minutes after my arrival, 진희 called me up and we chatted until my phone’s battery died. We chatted about this and that and finalized our plans for this Saturday.

So it looks like things will continue to be fairly busy around here for the time being, which is outstanding. I’d much rather be getting busy with the business of life, that sitting around my apartment watching MacGuyver reruns and using the internet.

Sometime between Thursday of last week and Saturday morning of last weekend, fall weather hit Korea like the Kool-Aid Man crashing through a brick wall screaming, “Oh yeah!” and I for one couldn’t be happier. I would have to say fall is my favorite season, the weather is not too hot like it is in summer or too cold as it is in the winter, and I don’t have seasonal allergies like I do in spring.

But more than all of that fall in Korea means that I can now get some of my favorite food stuffs in existance. Each season in Korea, the vendors that sell food on the street and convienient stores carry different seasonal items, and let me tell you, that in the fall two of my favorite things become avalible. For those of you that care, they are 찐빵, a steamed bun filled with various uh…fillings (I personally enjoy the vegetable and meat filling), and 호떡, which is a quasi pancake thing filled with honey and peanuts (and on occassion peas or corn).

And since it is the right season, I might as well mention an appropriate 四字成語 used here in Korea.

This phrase when combined with (의 季節[계절]) means “the season of high sky and fat horses,” which apparently fall. The sky doesn’t look any higher than usual (though I did hear the sky listening to Darkside of the Moon the other day, so I’m going to guess it was indeed toking up), and I haven’t seen a horse in several years, so I couldn’t tell you if the were fat or Kate “Hi, I’m on coke” Moss thin, but anyhow go ahead and impress some Koreans with your knowledge of fat horses and high skies.

Now I’m going to go pull some sweaters out of boxes.

I work in a small town…a damn small town. As such, all of the kids I teach attend the same school. Today that school held their annual 운동대회 (運動大會 / Sports Contest). On Tuesday and Thursday I teach three classes, and today, this 운동대회 interfered with each and every one of them.

My first class of the day was a class of first and second graders. This class runs from 2:30 until 3:30, and the sports contest was not supposed to end until sometime after 4:00. “Great! One less class for the day!” WRONG! Earlier this week, a pair of kindergarten kids that had lived abroad (and gone through American kindergarten) got stuck in that class. Since here in Korea, kindergarten is not part of elementary school, this kids were unaffected by sports day. The class itself wasn’t that bad. We reviewed some of the material we had covered before and then played Chutes & Ladders. I actually enjoyed that class a lot more without the mob of first grade boys who have no idea what I’m saying because they never listen.

At 3:30 the kindergarteners took off to their homelands. The secretary was sitting out in the waiting room with one of her friends, and informed me that all the kids in the next class were still involved in their sporting activities. So I had a conversation with the secretary and her friend. It was one of those extremely random conversations that went all over the place. We talked about the upcomming holiday, the lack of a nightlife in the boondocks, ovens, the fact that I can eat spicy food, and the lack of adult English classes in 고양.

The secretary’s friend was attempting to talk me into moving to 고양 for some reason. She claimed it was so she (and other ladies) could “learn English,” but me being so full of myself, think that they wanted other services….hey now!

Anyhow with roughly ten minutes of class time left in the second class period, one student showed up. One kid! Man, what is that? With ten minutes of class, what can possibly be done? Not a whole hell of a lot, so we talked about what went down in the sports contest (apparently the blue team won), and then I sent her on her way.

The last class of the day had every kid come in fifteen minutes late, but they all showed up. So that class went as planned, though a bit shortened due to time constraints. From there I headed on home….to think about a possible move to the sticks to try and score with housewives…man what am I talking about?!

Wow two posts in one day about crappy mainstream Korean music. Flipping through the television I came across a performance featuring five decent looking ladies doing some standard issue light weight pop music. I mention my low tolerance for boybands…well I have a slightly higher tolerance for girl groups. Their music videos are the reason God created a mute button.

So the video comes to a close and I see the group’s name for the first time: Redsox. I rubbed my eyes. “Are they serious? Are they baseball fans? Are they Bostonians? Wait, am I drunk?”

I decided to check it out online and see if there was indeed a group known as Redsox. Naver quickly confirmed what I had seen. But wait that’s not all!

Lee Hye-rim

This is 이혜림 (Lee Hye-rim), one of the members of the aforementioned Redsox. Like all good Korean websites, the Redsox website gives critical information about each of the ladies. The stats of Miss 혜림 were clearly the most interesting. Let’s examine them shall we?

생년월일: 1986년
신장: 172cm
체중: 44kg
특기: 포즈, 운동
학력: 명지대학교 재학 중

So lemme break it on down for those of you with no knowledge of Korean. The first item is her date of birth. She is apparently too cool for school and only provided the year of her birth (1986 if you are slow on the draw). Next up is her height. She is apparently 172cm tall, but I wonder if this height is taken while wearing high heels, since 172cm is really tall for a woman in this country. Next up her weight…44kg, damn metric system causing me to have no idea how much this is in pounds…all I know is it’s damn light. Since professional wrestlers being announced as weighing 215 pounds are subtitled as weighing 90 some-odd kilograms. She’s clearly less than a hundred pounds. 특기 is speciality or talent…or skill. 운동 is sports or exercise. Alright maybe she’s athletic, likes jogging, or shootin’ hoop. It’s something some people are good at and others are not. It’s a skill. But 포즈?! Oh, I’m sorry “pose.” Yup, she’s good at posing….that’s her talent. She’s highly skilled in getting ready to have pictures taken. Oh and the last part is boring, it just says that she’s currently attending Myeongji University. But posing?! Seriously…how is that a skill?

Now if you ever need to argue with a Red Sox baseball fan you can just be like, “At least no one on (insert your team here) lists posing as their talent!” Oh wait I’m confusing the baseball Red Sox with the singing Redsox. Whatever, go away I need to practice my poses!

저는 어제밤 7시30분에 퇴근했어요. 8시45분에 유림을 만났어요. 우리는 저녁을 같이 먹었어요. 저는 유림에게 내년 미국에서 대학원 입학하고 싶는다고 말했어요. 유림은 피곤하느라고 10시에 집으로 갔어요.

Declarative Indirect Quotations

Action Verb stem + -ㄴ/는다
Descriptive Verb stem + -다
이다 + (이)라

한국어 2, Unit 1
Korean For International Learners p. 261

* 자느라고 도독 들어온 걸 몰랐어요.
I didn’t know a burglar had broken in because I was sleeping.
* 청소 좀 하고 오느라고 늦었어요.
I was late because of cleaning my room.

한국어 2, Unit 1 p. 8-9

1. A: 어제 왜 안 왔어요?
B: 병 걸리느라고 어제 안왔어요.
2. A: 요즘 바쁜가 보지요?
B: 저는 일 많이 하느라고 요즘 바빠요.
3. A: 졸려요?
B: 네, 공부하느라고 졸려요.
4. A: 벌써 용돈을 다 썼어요?
B: 미팅하느라고 용돈 다 썼어요.
5. A: 어제 왜 전화 안 했어요?
B: 저는 너무 바쁘느라고 전화 안 했어요.
6. A: 아이들이 배가 많이 고팠나 봐요.
B: 아이들이 점심을 안 먹느라고 배가 많이 고팠어요.
7. A: 어제 병원에 가서 注射를 맞았어요?
B: 다음 주에 中國에 가느라고 注射를 맞았어요.
8. A: 미안해요.
B: 뭐 하느라고 미안해요?

注射 (주사 / a shot, an injection)

오늘, 저는 학생과 학생의 엄마랑 식당 갔어요. 저기에서 우리는 오겹살을 먹었어요. 저는 삼겹살을 먹어 분 적 있으면 오겹살을 안 먹었어요. 그것은 겁나게 맛있어요. 저는 식사시간 중에 한국말 많이 했어요. 저는 한국어 더 熱心히 공부해야 돼요.

熱心 (열심 / enthusism, zeal)

DSC02237
Originally uploaded by wdunn.

I present this picture of a bunch of peppers for no particular reason. I could have just chucked this picture up here and be done with it, but that’s not really my style.

I could alternately explain that Korean cuisine is quite spicy and makes use of a lot of hot peppers, but anyone who has eaten or has any knowledge of Korean food will already know this, so it would be a waste of my time. For those of you with no knowledge of Korean food, it is spicy and uses a lot of peppers (and ingredients derived from peppers).

So instead you get to read about a random Korean idiom / proverb.

Like all languages, Korean is ripe with proverbs and idioms. Today in keeping with the theme of the picture, we are going to talk about an expression involving peppers.

This expression is basically identically to the “good things come in small packages” expression bandied about in the English language, but there is some added humor if you can speak Korean…and are extremely immature.

For you see, in Korean the word “고추 (red pepper)” is commonly used to mean penis, much in the same way Americans use sausage (ie. “sausage party”) or weiner to mean the same thing. So you also get “The small penis is hotter.” Make of it what you will…

오늘 비가 많이 왔어요. 그래서 오늘 저는 비때문에 정말 피곤했어요. 저는 비를 싫어해요. 어처피 5시에 맥가이버 (MacGuyver) 봐요. 지금 끝났어요.

While back in America, I ended up playing a lot of online games with my brother. For those of you outside of Korea (or the world of online gamming) a great deal of Koreans are fans of these games. A lot of them also don’t like to get killed in the games. They do, however, like to use “profanity” after their defeat.

While we were playing, one word kept popping up again and again. So for all online gamers outside of Korea, I’m going to unlock the mystery that is:

Now this is not really Konglish per say, but this is my webpage, I’ll do what I want to do. Allow me to explain, “KIN.” In Korean there is a word, 즐 (jeul), which to the best of my knowledge is a low level insult. It is used in the same way a kid in middle school might call someone, “fag” or “asshole.”

But how do they get “KIN” from a word that is pronounced as “jeul?” Look at 즐 and rotate it 90 degrees counterclockwise. ㅈ becomes a K, ㅡ becomes I, and ㄹ becomes an N. So you have “KIN,” which shares the same meaning with it’s real pronunciation. However for non-Koreans this word is completely meaningless (aside from talking about family or ancestors), so here is a note for any Koreans that happen to be reading.

한국여러분, 외국사람들 “KIN” 이해못하면 “KIN”대신에 “sun of betch*” 말하세요.
(Korean, since foreigners don’t understand “Kin” use “sun of betch” instead.)

* Someone actually called me this in a game, the person might have actually been European though.

Tonight’s installment of Konglish Word of the Week is rated R and contains strong language and sexual situations. Viewer discression is advised.

Greetings ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another installment of Konglish Word of the Week. The warning up front may have tipped you off, but this installment is going to be a little bit raunchy. If you have a problem with filth…hit the bricks until tomorrow. Everyone else, let’s carry on. Tonight I bring you words you need to know while getting it on in Konglish!

Anyone that has spent more than a week in Korea will be able to explain that in Korean men wear “panties.” That’s right…Koreans all wear “panties.” No they are not a nation of drag queens or Rocky Horror fans…in Korea the word 팬티 is gender neutral. Men, women, boys, and girls all wear panties here…hell, I’m wearing “panties” right now! (And now the I will get people arriving here searching for “Korean drag queens.”) Koreans, in English only female undergarments are refered to as “panties.” Men wear underwear.

Not that this is an overly sexy word, or is important in the sack, but I only mention it here, since I don’t think I will ever. 팬티스터킹 is the Korean word for “pantyhose.” Combining the words panty and stocking…Koreans come up with 팬티스터킹. Again, any Koreans that happen to be reading this, in English we do not use this term.

I guess this term would be acceptable in English for what it is (sex in a car). But I like that fact that you can make it a verb and proclaim stuff like “Let’s car sex!” by attaching the verb 하다. (”카섹스하자!” in case you were wondering how to bellow such things).

스킨십 is a difficult concept to translate. To the best of my understanding / what Korean people have told me, 스킨십 is any physical contact between two people. So a six year old girl hugs her grandmother, that’s 스킨십. A pair of leather men fuck each other in the ass…well that’s 스킨십 too.

Anyhow that about does it from here. The bulk of Korean sex terms are either indigenous Korean terms or Sino-Korean (漢字 derived terms), but those are less interesting to talk about. Enjoy kids, and don’t blame me if ladies smack you in the face for bellowing these terms.

I should really change the name from “Word of the Week” to “Words of the Week” since there are always multiple words. Today is no different, and this time for those of you who can’t read 한글 (hangeul…the Korean alphabet) today’s episode features Konglish that makes exclusive use of 로마자 (Roman letters). Today we take a look at some wacky abbreviations that most certainly do not exist in America. You will know it is time to turn the page when you hear the chimes ring like this (SOUND OF CHIMES). Let’s begin now (SOUND OF CHIMES).

At least that’s what the smart money for the meaning of CF would be. CFs are commercials. Here in Korea commercials usually star celebrities from other realms (music, television, film, sports, ect.) Rare is the commercial featuring regular schmucks. Though Korea does have it’s share of commercials for local business on cable channels (which I have learned are the same the world over).

This is pretty self explainatory, but to those of you who are not Koreans and are hanging around with Koreans, you would more likely than not, have no clue what your friends are talking about if they start talking about MVs. Please don’t confuse the Korean MV with the Nirvana b-side “MV.” The Nirvana “MV” stood for “Moist Vagina.”

The concept of membership training is really hard to explain. It’s kind of like an orientation. It’s kind of like summer camp. It’s kind of like a drunken bender. Basically when people join new clubs, declare majors, participate in a sport, and so on, these people go on membership training, which pretty much involves eating, drinking, and rediculous games that foster a sense of togetherness among the group.

As in a television show’s producer. This abbreviation is commonly seen on random Korean game shows where the producer will yell stuff from off camera. Since game shows have a bizarre habit of writing out everything that is bellowed on the bottom of the screen you will often see things like, “PD: 야, 임마!” on Korean game shows.

This is the Korean version of an outtake or a bloopers on television show or a movie. Like PD, this is commonly seen on Korean game shows.

So there are some of the random abbreviations used here in Korea. If I left anything out, drop me a comment and let me know.

Well summer is here, so you know what that means: drinking beer with friends, cook outs, Country Time lemonade, swimming pools, scantily clad ladies, and of course baseball. So today as a tribute to summer, we are going to take a look at some of the bizarre words associated with baseball here in Korea.

포볼 is the Korean expression for being walked. This expression makes a little bit of sense given that receiving four balls would cause the batter to take a base. However Koreans, if you use this expression to westerners, they will have no clue what you’re talking about.

What 데드볼 tries to express is the concept of being hit by a pitch. I really don’t understand where “dead ball” comes from….

백 넘버 is the uniform / jersey number. This term does not only apply to baseball uniforms, but this being a special baseball edition it gets mentioned here. I guess since uniform numbers are usually on the back this number is known as a “back number.”

So there are some of the stranger baseball terms here in Korea.