西洋오랑캐

Ah the things geeks look for on the internet! Another month has come and gone so let us take a quick look at some of the more precious things people were searching for when then stumbled drunkenly into my backyard and threw up in my pool.

haircape
judge judy
MALE STRIPPERS SEOUL KOREA
dweji band ducks
the saurus
japan molester in train sample
korea pubes
Knight Rider theme
are pig ham hocks safe for a dog to eat?
old haircape
metalworker
naked men hiking
“I wore a hanbok” (Me too!)
i hate gwyneth paltrow (Me too!)
howe caverns adventure tour
wackers pet shop
“wasn’t having it”
korea prostitute ministry
watch degrassi the next generation famous underware episode
third grade coloring pages paintbrushes
bus seat Europe
internet games including naked men
soldier with eyepatch sex
shannon tweed sex scenes
makkoli seafood coupon
how to tune a television into a sega mega drive
chuck zito
ac slater
“dancin’ machine” thing “video screen”
wackers pet store
Roller Jam Girls
my taint of insanity
super peer
what+are+some+unpublished+lyrics+from+Motley+Crue?
ride on robot animals elephant batteries
funny names for kimono
kwanza&food
What happened to “Stephen Revere”
has a pig ever eaten a child?
hot asian ladies doing sex
how can we hold hands at school girlfriend & boyfriend
“fuckin’ usa” korean origin olympics
“hyori” “haircut”
hammerman theme
Made in Incheon, Korea　ＢＣＲＩＣＨ (This is only funny if you know what BC Rich is…)
bibimbab exposition
jjimjilbang porn
odeng machine fc
photos of mullet hairstyle on hyori
what did my daughter drink to have a miscarriage?
wassabi shirt
cement factory logo (You best not steal my logo…unless you send me a copy of it on a shirt. Then it’s totally cool.)

So December and 2006 in general have come to a close. Let’s look at random crap people were looking for that caused them to come here, and have a few laughs at their expense.

TGIF lineup 1992
humours facts on ping pong
“laid in korea”
english cyholic
poppin and lockin
Haetae lion water
sooyeon won let die korean online shop
Teachers Who Want to Fuck
gas burner + jamie oliver
“Jealous Jasmine” teen
master hand smash bros
korean made pick up truck bed covers
starbutts
super comboy
middle aged calligraphy in korea
how do i escape if my car is submerged in water? (Every month I get at least one person searching for this…perhaps I should just answer the question here and now.)
“korean word for monkey” (원숭이)
korean scout uniform
“crust beard”
“dancing the can-can”
Lee Hyori Boyfriend Yet Korea (I honestly feel bad for this guy and his self delusion…)
firsttime+spank
street fighter who is manrage
섹시한 만화책 (“sexy comic books” for those of you that can’t read Korean)
BAD CASE OF LOVING YOU+MP3
actual document
movies about evil kenevil
korea “gag man”
“be a vj” slang
How to Say Happy Chanuka in Different Languages
fashion socks korea
Speedo UNDERWARE
game dress hairshop and cosmetic
Korea woman nuked
man skirts
In what language does robin mean penis?
binturong
zelda curse of the lampshade (Nintendo games sure have gone downhill in the name department)
goldbear
american hero
How to Huff Chemicals (if you need help figuring this out perhaps killing off brain cells isn’t a good idea…)
horrible highheels
madlibs raunchy
Pippi Longstocking tv 1970’s
zut alor glossary
makkoli seafood buffet coupon
nude hiking
boys “gym class” naked “physical examination” (I like the use of quotation marks…like they really don’t mean gym class or physical examination…just boys naked.)
Go Figures Thundercats Toys That you can buy Action Figures
megadeth live in seoul, south korea 1998 (You mean I missed it?!)

Another month is now behind us, and it’s time to look at some of the awesome things that appareantly this webpage has information on. This time around I’m going to be commenting upon some of the search strings. Anything added by me will be in italics. (Like this.)

german bakery in seoul korea
college buddy jeans zipper
Publishers Clearinghouse ladies
nude harisu pics
kim jong il jump
fuck canada
“headed off the path” and “meaning”
things to huff
Lewd Phrases
chumpox (I am pretty sure that this was a word my friend Pete and I created.)
pointless funniest phrases (I’d like to nominated “chumpox”)
카섹스
angry youth + korean drama
wine brands avalible in 1975
elephant attack
empty pelvis at full term pregnancy
CoryStyle
iis there mail delivery on columbus day?
disadvantage of a dwelling
chuseok kid
korea herald,setting history right
lyrics danzig 4 “the hidden song”
slang phrase working blue
which year courses and exorcism start
why is korea’s afn service different?
How can you escape from a car that is submerged in water?
Mountain Madness Airshow 2005 photos
“lost my passport”
becoming a korean kisaeng
Doogie Howser
samurai click korean music group
SUPER MARIO GAMES WHEN IN THEY ARE CRIPS
movie electric acident
“i hate gwyneth paltrow”
flat brim baseball cap
john titor busted (This search string actually caused me to go out and type the same exact thing into my favorite search engine. Google John Titor if you don’t understand the awesomeness of the name.)
What is the old name for a condom?
“have a nice ring”
reggae disco rockers, house is not a home
pogo stick world recoreds
decorating pumpkins & turkeys
Funky Dance Mix 2006
best bang for buck
canadian background check
photos christian death
“silverhawks” store
japanese ballbusting (I’ve only been studying Japanese a few days. Is Japanese ballbusting different from western ballbusting?)
is kimchi good with beer? (Beer’s good with everything! Except chocolate.)
what is the jewish name for pickled cucumber? (Correct me if I’m wrong, but there is no such thing as the Jewish language. There’s Hebrew and Yiddish.)
Old person sports
“will be up”
Can I eat chestnuts when pregnant? (The entry this person read would tell them not unless they wanted twins.)
chicken figth
WHERE CAN I FIND SLANG WORDS AND PHRASES FOR POOP HITTING THE FAN?
HIS AT CELLPHONE

Sometime several months back I was investigating via the internet the process by which I needed to obtain my Mel Gibson Bellowing “Freedom” Stamp in my passport (better known as an F-2 visa), and for some reason the websites that came up the most often (but had the least useful information) were various recruiters for hagwon positions. Among the non-F-2 visa obtaining information was one piece of information I saw no less than 203 times.

While it is true that knowledge of Korean is not required for the actual employment part of living in Korea as an English teacher, having at least some knowledge of Korean not only makes your stay easier and more enjoyable, but it’s a lot more polite as a resident of a country to at least put forth some effort in learning the language of the land in which you are residing. Anyhow, segway to some links for those of you who have no idea about the Korean language, but have set your mind on teaching in Korea. Don’t say I never did anything for ya!

Sogang University Online Korean Course
Kosnet Online Korean Program
Korean Slang Dictionary
Korean-English Dictionary

Happy Valentine’s Day from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit…and all of us here at Kimchi & Me. We’re all wishing that you get some.

While back in America, I ended up playing a lot of online games with my brother. For those of you outside of Korea (or the world of online gamming) a great deal of Koreans are fans of these games. A lot of them also don’t like to get killed in the games. They do, however, like to use “profanity” after their defeat.

While we were playing, one word kept popping up again and again. So for all online gamers outside of Korea, I’m going to unlock the mystery that is:

Now this is not really Konglish per say, but this is my webpage, I’ll do what I want to do. Allow me to explain, “KIN.” In Korean there is a word, 즐 (jeul), which to the best of my knowledge is a low level insult. It is used in the same way a kid in middle school might call someone, “fag” or “asshole.”

But how do they get “KIN” from a word that is pronounced as “jeul?” Look at 즐 and rotate it 90 degrees counterclockwise. ㅈ becomes a K, ㅡ becomes I, and ㄹ becomes an N. So you have “KIN,” which shares the same meaning with it’s real pronunciation. However for non-Koreans this word is completely meaningless (aside from talking about family or ancestors), so here is a note for any Koreans that happen to be reading.

한국여러분, 외국사람들 “KIN” 이해못하면 “KIN”대신에 “sun of betch*” 말하세요.
(Korean, since foreigners don’t understand “Kin” use “sun of betch” instead.)

* Someone actually called me this in a game, the person might have actually been European though.

This just in…North Korea is good for a laugh! So join me in laughing it up at our commrades north of the 38th parallel.

First off we have a Russian televsion commercial featuring Kim Jung-il and his computer.

Next on our docket is some kind of techno crap featuring some North Korea “mass games.”

Apparently Yon-sama and Winter Sonata aren’t enough to satisfy the Korean needs of those in Japan…apparently they now need to obsess about my girlfriend. Yesterday while shopping, a pair of women stopped her and asked her some questions about her gear and took her picture. It turns out they were reporters for a Japanese website / magazine about Korean fashion.

Here’s the afore mentioned wacky Japanese website in which my girlfriend is interviewed. Neither of us can read Japanese so we’ve no idea what is being said (she said they asked her more than two questions so she had no idea what ones were being used).

First Korean netizens were calling for the execution expulsion of “low quality English teachers,” and now another group is calling for the purification of the Korean language, by doing away with English loan words. Check it yourself before you wreck yourself. (Please note it’s a Korean website).

http://www.malteo.net/

First of all they already tried this once….changing “condom” to “애필 (aepil)” but there was outrage over it, since it was too similar to a lot of Korean names. So condom stayed condom.

Additionally it’s kind of weird that they want to get rid of the English loan words but are willing to keep the huge ammount of the lexicon that comes from Chinese, (and the smaller ammount that comes from Japanese, German, and other languages). When North Korea “purified” their version Korean language they got rid of alot of Sino-Korean words as well. So for this reason in the North you have things like, “물말” instead of “하마 (河馬)” when speaking of hippopotamuses? Hippopotami? Hippos.

You like 만화 (manhwa), 漫画 (manga), or comic books? Think you have some pretty obscure titles in your collection? I’m willing to bet you’ve never seen this before.

“Uh Wyatt, I can’t read Korean. What the hell is it?”

Good question Cleatus. That, my inbred friend, is a collection of North Korean comic books. I’m currently working on translating one of them, but knowing me it will never get finished (作心三日 strikes again). So enjoy them in their original form for the time being and if you’re lucky maybe there will be an English version soon.

“Well that’s all well and good, but golly…How can I look at it?”

Again good question Cleatus. If you can’t read Korean, here’s what you do: Click on the cover of whatever book you wish to look at. On the next page click the button next the cover (만화책 보기) and enjoy!

Seeing as how I have to go to immigration today, and then go to work, and then have to meet someone this evening, and then have to have a “beer party” with my girlfriend (her words and suggestion not mine), you’re getting a special news report here.

For those of you in Korea, or of Korean ancestory, I’m sure you have heard of fan death. For everyone else in the world it works like this: Koreans are under the impression that if you sleep with a fan on, pointed towards your face, in a closed room, you will die.

So here are a pair of sites dealing with this dangerous epidemic, which for some reason only Koreans are affected by.

Frist The Straight Dope brings us this article which, surprise, largely debunks the notion of a fan death.

And since this is the internet age, and everyone/thing/concept has it’s own homepage, here is Fan Death’s offical homepage (it’s actually a pretty decent site).

So bottom line, there is no such thing as “fan death” it’s only an urban myth like the C3-PO trading card where he’s sporting a huge, robotic boner.
Huh?! You’re telling me that card is real?! Well I’ll be goddamned. Fan Death on the other hand is a work of fiction like alligators in the sewers of New York.

Behold! The Yong-sama teddy bear…for those of you not in my room, I’m currently shaking my head in disgust. Anyhow here’s the link:
http://www.brokore.com/joonbear/index.asp

The cheap ass socks and trips to Seoul aren’t enough anymore.