Introductions
The dark king of Tennion sat in his large black marble throne, looking out at the barren wasteland that had once been a lush environment filled with trees, fuzzy animals, and flowers. It was now desolate: thorns, volcanos, and corpses.
The king let out a wicked laugh of pure evil. The last time Tennion had faced such peril a great hero named Cory had arrived for the land beyond the mist to vanquish the evil foes, but with him in power that wasn’t going to happen.
The king looked at his elite five man fighting team that was kind of like a five man “boy band,” only with less “he’s so hot and that makes ‘his music’ better,” factor. This was not to say that the elite five man fighting squad was without good looks, they just were not persumed to be ultros fighters because they looked good in a white tank top and pants from Alawin & Felmurdo.
“HAHAHAHAHA! Men, we got some death to do!” the king yelled, “I want you to find those who refuse to obey my rule and crush them.”
A chorus of wicked laughter rose from the evil forces of evil that were the most of them evil as they laughed. The time has come, for you my friend, to speak of many things...
Chapter 1
Uncle Jesse and Chao Su
The times were 7:28 pm. Chao Su was sitting down to eat his mid after-morning meal known as lumpkis, when suddenly a knock came out of his door. He opened up the door, and there stood Uncle Jesse Cochran-Costopolus. Chao Su was not unlike that of nine years old, and was an orphan. The boy had spent his entire life living in the Gyo Monestary in the plains near Mindenhall. He stood about 4 feet and 8 inches, and had brown hair.
“Oh hi Uncle Jesse,” Chao Su said.
“Have mercy! Jeez-lousie Chao Su,” Jesse said, “You know that you are supposed to call us monks Brother.”
“Sorry Brother Uncle Jesse,” Chao Su said.
“Well that o....HEY!”
Chao Su giggled.
“Anyway, it’s time for your martial arts training,” Jesse said, “Get your gear and meet me down in the training yard.”
“Yes Brother Jesse.”
Chao Su took four silmbobs to finish his meal and then went up to his room. He took off his normal clothes and put on his bright blue martial arts suit. He picked up his bamboo sword and went down to the training yard.
In the yard were Uncle Jesse, and two other monks, Brother Hilanar and Brother Rowentos. All three monks were allso decked out in blue martial arts suits.
“Okay Chao Su,” said Jesse, “Brother Hilanar and Brother Rowentos will serve as your opponents today. Are you ready?”
“Yes sir,” Chao Su answered as he brought his sword in the ready position.
“GO!”
Brother Rowentos swiped at Chao Su, but the boy ducked, rolled and came up with a strike of his own. The boy’s bamboo sword landed a direct blow in Rowentos stomach, but Chao Su could not celebrate, for out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hilanar preparing to attacked.
Chao Su parried as the young monk thrust at him with a wooden sword. Chao Su countered by tripping the monk, and then coming down across his throat with the bamboo sword.
“Well done Chao Su,” Jesse said, “You have passed your final test. Please step forward.”
Chao Su did as the monk commanded.
“Chao Su, today you will learn of your past as well as your future,” the wise monk Jesse Cochran-Costopolus said, “You see, you have been destined since birth to vanquish the great evil or badness from Tennion. The Dark King is such a badness and it is up to you to take care of that business.”
“I think I understand sir,” Chao Su said, “Does this have anything to do with a cliche quest to rid the world of evil?”
“Why yes it does,” Jesse said.
“Then I know what I must do,” Chao Su said and then added, “Are you three coming with me?”
Rowentos stated, “We’re afraid not Chao Su. This will be your battle.”
“Me?! Alone?!” Chao Su exclaimed.
“You will not be alone long young Chao Su,” Jesse said, “You will met couragous friends along the way who will help you in the quest to save Tennion.”
“Oh ok, goodbye monk friends!” said Chao Su.
“Wait before you go we are giving you this,” said one of the monks that was not Jesse. He then handed Chao Su a real katana sword made out of metal.
“Thanks guys, but I think I like my bamboo sword better,” said Chao Su.
“At least take this one with you,” Jesse pleaded.
“Oh alright. I catch you dudes later,” Chao Su said as he ran into the woods.
Behind him he heard Uncle Jesse yell one more piece of advice, “Go to Mindenhall first! And stay away from alcoholic drinks, and don’t forget to wash, and if you’re going to have se....” but before the monk could finish, Chao Su was well on his way to zany adventures.
Chapter 2
Catman in The Forest
It was peace in the Forest of Hokere. Wind wistled and was not unlike that of a penny wistle. In the town of Larkin, the farmers were all chillin’ like villians. Farmer joe Jackson was tending to his corn and potatoes alike when suddenly Bobmad Lofowig ran into town square.
“FARMERS! FARMERS! THERE’S A DOIN’ A TRANSPIRIN’! THERE’S A MONSTER IN THE FOREST!” he yelled.
Farmer Joe Jackson said, “Bobmad you crazy scallywag, you’re a lyin ain’t ye?”
“I wish I was lying’, but aw jit I ain’t lyin’!” Bobmad yelled.
Soon a mob formed, “Let’s all go slay it!” angriff farmers yelled in a manner that was angry.
“Can I come with you?” asked a woman.
“NO! YOU ARE JUST WOMAN ONES!” yelled pissed off farmers.
“How about me?” asked a large man in the back of the mob.
“NO! YOU ARE JUST OUTCAST ONES!” yelled pissed off farmers.
With that the farmer “army,” went off to slay the monster, leaving behind woman and large guy. Woman walked over to large guy.
The large man was dressed in a blue suit and looked pale, but had eyes that burned like they were Hades grilling some nate dogs in his head.
“Hi my name is Marilyn. I was one of the legendary heros who vanquished evil eleven years ago. For some reason I can’t go fight this monster.”
“My name is Mister Sinister. My race is sinister. My class is alchemist. I use to be a drug addict, but I broke addiction.”
“Sweet. Wanna go take out this monster?” Marilyn asked.
“Sure thing. Let’s get our equipment and meet back here,” said Mister Sinister.
Marilyn went over to her house and got some equipment. She opened up a chest and took out her special creation, a weapon which flung darts. Also she took out copper shin guards and a cloak with a hood. She went back to town square and waited for Mister Sinister. He showed up several krilba later. Sinister was decked out in an armor made out of the strage metal, bluite and a cape of blue and that was true. He weilded a might axe and weilded it well indeed.
“Shall we go?” asked Mr. S.
“Aye!” said Marilyn.
The two ventured into the woods near their house and wandered. Trees seemed a little bit scarier like that of monster trees that attack travelers as they travel on the roads that have the trees on it.
“Marilyn, my friend how shall we know when we find this monster?” asked Mr. S.
“Oh I don’t think we’ll have a problem finding the monster,” Marilyn, “I sure it will be very easy to...find. Look there.”
“What is that?” asked the sinister that was named Mister Sinister and was an alchemist.
The pair stared at a creature that stood about 5 gung 7 mic-gung. The creature had the general shape of a human being except it had cat head and a tail not unlike that of a cat. Basically it was a cat-man.
“I think it may be our ‘monster,’” whispered Marilyn.
“By crunk it is humanoid in form,” said the sinister one.
Marilyn moved forward to get a better look, but in doing so she cracked a twig and it let out the god-dig-it sound of a cracking twig. Starteled, the creature turned and looked both Marilyn and Mister Sinister directly in the eyes.
“Smackjack! Our secretist hidey-hole has been uncovered,” Marilyn yelled, “Looks like it’s time for a-fighting...”
“No wait!” the creatured yelled, “I’m not a monster I am friendly. I was sent by my people, the Felfolk to warn the people of Larkin of the coming darkness.”
“What darkness do you speak of?” asked Sinister, “Is it nighty-night time? ‘Cuz for Mr. S night time is the right time.” With that Sinister made a humping action in the air.
The Felman bite his thumb and said, “Um...no....I speak of the Dark King’s army of evil lead by the five knights of darkness and evil and dark.”
“Oh.” said the one who was not the woman and not the catman, so basically it was Sinister who said it.
Suddenly the Farmer army appeared.
“Lookit! It’s the monster and some treasonous scum-dawgs!” shouted a farmer. The farmers rushed forward towards the three, but from behind the peasant forces came a swarm of skeletal warriors.
The pitchfork weilding farmers were no match for the well trained corpses, and soon many farmers were going down hardcore.
“If we don’t help those farmers well be done like dinner!” shouted Marilyn.
“Aye,” said the catman.
Catman took out a fluto-phone. A started playing.
“A fine time for music, indeed! This is serious!” Mister sinister said as he ready his might axe.
“Just wait,” said the catman, and then went right on playing.
Marilyn launched a volley of darts from her weapon, taking down several farmers as well as several skull warriors. Suddenly a skull warrior with a big ass knife was going to kill her. Just then the catman finished playing his song, and a large quadratic appeared. On Tennion, quadratics were large alligator like beings that were tuff as bojango.
“Quadratic go!” he yelled at the creature.
The creature bit the remaining skeletons to a bunch of pieces, and then ran off into the forest. The battle was over for the time.
“Well,” Marilyn said, “and you were going to kill us. We just saved your asses!”
“We still think you three are in cahoots with those monsters,” said one prejudice man who worked on a farm and was farmer, “We don’t want you in town anymore. Go somewhere else and leave.”
Sinister started “But...”
“NO BUTS! BEAT IT!” the farmers yelled like they were a choir, similar to the one that sang Anthem for the Year 2K on the Ana’s Song single.
Dejected the three exilees walked away from Larkin and towards the unknown. None knew where they were headed or what they would find.
Chapter 3
Midenhall For Minors
Chao Su made his way into Midenhall. It was nearly night and he was cold and hungry. He needed to find a place to spend the night.
“Hmm...so many inns to choose from. Pleasant Inn? Nah. Howard Johnson’s? No. Whorehouse and Booze? That sounds okay.”
Chao Su walked into the building. Girls in not lots of clothes were dancing on a stage. Chao Su walked over to the counter.
“Hello. I would like to order a dinner and get a room for the night,” he said the the swarthy looking man behind the counter.
“Aw. The mini-karate man wants dinner and a room,” said the swarthy man, “Lunk! Boomer Eisison get him!”
Two greezy half-orcs with bone clubs made of bone rushed at him. The first, who wore a shirt with the word “Poison,” on it, came down with what would be a crushing blow, but Chao Su evaded and jumped up with a headbutt to the half-orc’s mid-section. The second half-orc grabbed Chao Su from behind in a bearhug.
“CRUSH YR BONES WILL I!” said the half-orc.
“Hey that’s enough!” a woman’s voice yelled.
The was a sicken Stab! and the half-orc released Chao Su and collapsed on the floor. The second backed up into the corner he had come from. Chao Su looked at his savior. She was pretty, and obviously at least partially elven due to the fact that her ears were pointy like that of an elf. She had short black hair, and blue eyes that were wide and looked excited. She was clad in a short tunic that was red, and had thigh high boots. Around her she wore a brown cloak, and in her hand was a now bloody sword.
“Come on kid, let’s get you out of here,” she said.
Chao Su stood up and the pair left the Whorehouse & Booze Motel. Once out in the streets the woman spoke to Chao Su.
“What on Tennion were you doing in a place like that?” asked the woman.
“I’m on a journey. I needed room and food,” said Chao Su.
The woman said, “You need to be more careful. Places like that can be dangerous.”
“I know that now,” said Chao Su.
The woman giggled, “You’re a funny little boy! I’m Lydia, what’s your name?”
“Chao Su.”
“Pleased to meet you Chao Su,” Lydia said, “You mentioned a journey. Where are you headed?”
“Uncle...I mean Brother Jesse, said I was destined to save Tennion,” Chao Su said, “But first I was to go to Mindenhall.”
“Saving Tennion is a pretty large task for such a small boy,” Lydia said.
“Yeah, but Brother Jesse said I would find help along the way,” Chao Su said.
Lydia giggled again, “Perhaps it was fate that you entered that building then, because after hearing your story I would like to help you. Out in the fields of Tennion is no place for a small boy.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to come. I’m a martial artist,” said Chao Su.
“Oh? What style?” asked Lydia.
“Gyo-jitsu.”
“I thought only monks knew Gyo-jitsu,” she said.
“I’ve lived at the Gyo Monestary for as long as I can remember,” Chao Su said, “Brother Jesse and the other monks taught me how to do it.”
“Well that’s very interesting, but we should get inside soon,” Lydia said, “Burgulars will start roaming the streets soon.”
The pair got a room for the night and then went down to the tavern for supper. Lydia order a chicken meal deal with a short beer. Chao Su order a Ramen Noodles with apple cider. As the two ate they talked.
“Where are you from Lydia?” asked Chao Su.
“I’m from Mindenhall,” she replied.
“What do you do?” Chao Su asked.
“My class is Ranger. I am level 21,” she said with a grin.
Chao Su smiled and slurped up his Ramen Noodles. He though back to Gyo Monestary, and wondered what Brother Jesse and the other monks were up to. Probably playing music from several decades back or doing their hair.
“Well,” Lydia finally said, “I think it’s time we get to sleep. We’ve got a long journey if we are headed to the Dark King’s palace.”
Chao Su agreed and quikly finished off his meal before going up to bed and falling asleep.
“Chao Su....Chao Su....Where are we?”
Darkness surrounded Chao Su’s head, but all around him the voice a woman echoed in the inky blackness that was dark. It was the same voice he had heard a hundred times before, yet each time it scared the living bajesus out of him.
“Where are we Chao Su?”
Chao Su was becoming enraged. How was he supposed to know the knowledge when he couldn’t see or feel, “I don’t know...LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“But we’re here to help you Chao Su....to help.”
“STOP!” Chao Su yelled.
“Chao Su! Chao Su!” it was a different voice, and suddenly Chao Su could see. Lydia stood above him, “Are you alright Chao Su?”
“It was horrible...” he said.
“Don’t worry,” Lydia said, “That was only a dream, and now you’re safe and well in the inn.”
The words were comforting, but inside Chao Su knew that Lydia was wrong. Somehow it was more than a scary dream. There was something more to the dream woman, and that fact made Chao Su have terror.
Chapter 4
In a Small Town
“So we never even asked your name,” Mister Sinister said to the catman creature of lore and was known as a felman.
“My name is Mewtolmakinimalaa,” said the felman, “It means secret messenger.”
“That sure is a mouthful,” Sinister said a smiling forming were he always had a frown, “If that was my name I would have never gotten out of the first grade.”
“True truth friend Sinister,” said Mewtolmakinimalaa, “feel free to call me Mew.”
BR>
“Well met Mew,” said Marilyn as the trio marched through the woods they were in, “So where are we headed?”
“We should head to Mindenhall,” said Sinister, “That’s where all the stout warriors who are stout and of the code dwell. Prechance some of them can aid us on our quest.”
“Aye. Plus I want to go to shopping and they have better shops in Mindenhall,” said Marilyn.
Soon the trio of wayfarers were out of the forest and as darkness fell, had made their way into a small farming village. The guy who was standing at the edge of town smiled when Sinister did “TALK” to him and then the man said, “Welcome to Hilldaleburgton.”
“Ah Hilldaleburgton,” said Mew, “We can get room and bored here, as well as some supplies for the second leg of our journey.”
“Good truth.” said a non-Mew traveler.
The three walked into the inn. In the restuarant area Marilyn noticed something, or rather someone. A stout man stood on a table telling a tale of lore.
“The third bodung had engaged in combat with Marilyn and I. Like one of valience, I had jumped onto the creatures back and was slashing at it's throat with my razor knifes. Marilyn shot one of her extra special darts of lore which hissed through the air ripping apart the bodungs face where the dart had become buried,” the man said.
“BILL! IT IS YOU!” Marilyn yelled across the room.
“Yo wusup!” Bill said.
“Bit-ch!” yelled Marilyn as she signaled the “bitch word” with the specified motion that was done with ones hand and handx alike.
“How you been dawg?” asked Bill.
“Good,” said Marilyn, “But now we have to go slay stupid enemies. One that are Dark Kings and enemies alike.”
“Yo SWEETNESS!” Bill barked.
“it’s my weakness,” Mew whispered.
“Can I go wit ch’ yall?” Bill said.
“Maybe if you learn how to speak,” said Mister Sinister.
“Who akted you whitey?” said Bill.
“Yes Bill you can come,” said Marilyn, “But if you don’t mind my asking, what’s up with the new attitude?”
“Simple bit-ch!” said Bill, “Y’all know I’s be from South Central Hilldaleburgton. I’s be gittin’ down wit my peeps. This is how we’s talk of da streets. Ya dig hoe?! Cuz if you ain’t jiiga wit dat shit I’s gonna bust a cap in yo ass and then...”
“BILL! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Marilyn yelled, “One more outburst like that and you’ll have to stay here and not slay the forces of evil with us. Now apologize!”
“Alright,” Bill said, “I’m sorry.”
“Okay let’s rest up, a big day is coming tomorrow,” said Marilyn, “Oh! I nearly forgot to introduce you guys to Bill. Bill this is Mew and that is Mister Sinister.”
“Pleased to meet you,” said Mew.
“Same,” Bill replied. He then whispered to Marilyn, “Are you sure we can trust the big sinister? They were part of Numalt’s army of darkness. Are you sure we can trust him?”
“Bill you are paranoid,” Marilyn said, “Numalt’s long dead, and all of his minions now live peaceful lives. The Dark King will have nothing to do with anything Numalt was a part of, and therefore if I were you, I’d be more suspicious of someone like me than someone like Mister Sinister.”
“I guess you’re right,” now “let’s get some rest,” said Bill in a truly old-school Bill fashion, meaning like he was a little bit queer or as some might say, a homosexual, which it was unclear if Bill was one or not.
The trio, which was now, due to basic math a quatro made their way upstairs and into a hotel room where they got ready for bed. As Marilyn laid on her bed and rested she looked at Bill. He was stealing everything that wasn’t nailed down.
“Once a thiefs alway a theif,” she thought as bill but tiny bars of soap into his pack. She said, “Bill if you’re going to steal, why not take valuable things?”
“We might need this soap on our quest,” said Bill.
Mew was already asleep, and Bill and Marilyn were too busy arguing, that no one noticed Mister Sinister take out a small vial filled with glowing blue fluid. He opened the top and slugged down the liquid...
Chapter 5
Roid RAGE!
“SINISTER!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Bill yelled.
The hulking sinister was to much for the woman, the hobbit, and the felman to contain, and he shook them off his body like they were toy games of bunnies. The beserk or bezerker took a large chair and flung it across the room. The wall and chair alike shattered. In the next room, a female elf stopped mounting the orc she was on and cried out covering her nudity of elf flesh.
“He’s nuts! We gotta do something fast!” shouted Marilyn.
Mew took out his fluto-phone and began playing a song.
“A fine time for music you idiot!” shouted Bill in a tone that was angry.
“He knows what he’s doing,” Marilyn said, “We just need to buy him sometime.”
Mew finished the song and suddenly the roof of the roof was ripped open. Standing outside looking into the room was a Giant.
“Giant #4 do restrain on that sinister!” Mew ordered.
“#4 DO!” the giant boomed in a booming voice.
It grabbed him and held him until he was calmed down. #4 then put sinister down on the ground. When he did not go insane again Mew said that #4’s services would no longer be needed that night and he was free to go.
The trio then bent down to look at Mister Sinister. A strange blue glow encircled his mouth. The crew then noticed in the smashed up rubble a little vial with a similar blue glow. On the vial was a label, labeled “Neon Kickers.”
“I’ve heard of Neon Kickers,” said Marilyn, “I believe they are a strength increasing drug with some nasty side effects.”
“Oh great,” said Bill, “We’ve got a total junkie on our hands. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? What are we...”
“Calm down you pansy,” interupted Marilyn, “Once Sinister comes to we’ll try to peice this whole thing together and then we’ll decided what actiosn needed to have happeniing.”
“MWAHHH!!! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!” Bill said in shrill.
“Ugg...what’s wrong with my head,” it was Mister Sinister. He came alive, “My head feels like death. It’s like a freakin’ deathsheadexcrimination in my brain areos!”
Bill got rage and started shaking Mister Sinister by his collar, “What’s the meaning of this?!” Bill dropped Sinister and got all up in his area with the vial that once contained the steroid product known as Neon Kickers.
“Oh-My-God!” Sinister said, “I can’t believe it. I haven’t used that sodif in decades. I’m really sorry guys, I guess that the pressures of this journey were getting to me.”
“It’s okay. Let’s get some sleep,” said Marilyn.
Chapter 6
SUNY @ Albany
The door to the dorm room creaked as Charles Barnett opened the door to his dorm room. The room was dark as god-dig-it and he couldn’t see good. Dark OH SO dark!
Chuck was tired from dancing with 12 year olds all night and was in no mood to look for the light switch in this inky blackness, but luckily he had a clapper so he simpled clapped and the lamp turned on and dark went away to where dark goes when it is not dark and it is light.
“Yo, Cory you here?” Chuck asked in a mildly retarded sounding voice.
There was no answer like that of a lack of answer. Basically Cory was not there. Cory Fife and Chuck Barnett were roomates in University together. They went to university in Albany New York in the US of A on Earth.
Chuck walked over to the bunk beds. On Cory’s bunk were some several papers.
“Several papers, eh?” Chuck said, “Cory won’t mind if read through them.”
Chuck began reading: “Cor Lore: My Adventures in Tennion.” After the initial 43 waves of laughter subsided, Chuck read and and became ingrossed with the realm of Tennion. As he read, a strange feeling came over his body.
Chuck looked. It was not a dorm room with beer posters and posters of bikini babes and tennis rackets and stuff like that. It was of stone and was cold oh so cold.
“Chuck is that you?” a voice of familiar asked.
“Who is that?” asked Chuck.
“It’s me...”
Chapter 7
Meetings And Beatings?
Chao Su woke up. “YAWN! Good morning Lydia!” he said as he hopped from the bed to the floor.
“You’re in a good mood,” Lydia said rubbing the crusty sleep gunk out of the corners of her eyes.
“Yup. Are you ready to go?” asked the small karate.
“Let’s break the fast before we set off for the day,” she said.
The pair went down to get some food to eat. As Chao Su ate ceral, Lydia told him their route. They would travel towards Hilldaleburgton and then head south into the Badlands.
“First we need supplies,” she said, “We won’t make it on good looks alone.”
The crew pack that was two pack went to the shoppe to pick up supplies they would need if they were to make it to the Dark King’s palace of evil.
The shoppe was dank and clouttered. Small man was behind the counter. The pair of adventures got a cart and moved throughout the store getting all the supplies they needed. When they found it all they brought it up to small man at his counter.
“Find everything you were looking for today?” asked Small man, “We have a special on blank tapes...”
“No. All we need are these items,” Lydia said.
Small man calculated the totals and then read back the purchases, “Two weeks dry rations, one copper shield, one cloak for youth, one youth tunic, two backpacks, 30 feet of rope, a lantern, flint and steel, a compass, and two hunter’s knives. Let’s see...that will be 27 gold pieces.”
“WOW!” Chao Su exclaimed, “That sure is a lot of gp.”
“Don’t worry,” Lydia said, “We’ll get more from fighting around. Here you takes this.” She had packed up all the stuff for him in a pack and handed him the pack.
“Thank you,” Chao Su said. He then added the things he was carrying in a bag from Gyo Monestary into the backpack as well: a potion of healing, a clean blue martial arts suit, and his monk robe.
The pair walked out of the shoppe and out to the streets. Farmers and civialians alike were at the outdoor market, haggling about the price of corn and pumpkin alike. Seeing the pumpkin made Chao Su a little hungry, but he could not think of food, he was questing.
“Well,” Lydia said, “This is it...the final hours of darkness. For from this point on we a truth warrior who are sworn enemies of vile forces of Dark King.
Suddenly enemy forces numbering 14 descended upon Lydia and Chao Su. The enemies were muggers and street punks, though they were poorly trained, they weilded chain, broken bottles, rust knifes, clubs, and one, their leader had nunchucks. The enemies encircled the heroes and started growling.
“What this?” Lydia asked, “a circle jerk?”
Her words sent the street tuffs into a rage and unlike the kung fu movies, all of the enemies attacked at once. The heroes countered, Lydia with her sword of steel, while Chao Su countered with sword of bamboo.
“Uff!” an enemy said as bamboo sword nutted him.
“Yeah Chao Su!” Lydia exclaimed as she did decapitation on another enemy.
With easy the heroes annilated they 14 thugs, except for the leader. When it was down to the leader and the heroes, the leader yelled out something in a tounge that was not the common tounge, but probably “theives kant,” or some other, equally goofy language. His yelled brought forth 20 more street toughs. Some of these guys looked like they could be vetrens because they had spears and some armor.
“There’s no way we can take on all these enemy forces,” Lydia said as she tried to verse 11 warriors at once.
“Aye, I agree,” said Chao Su, “let’s escape!”
But all escape routes were blocked. In the distance Chao Su heard a fluto-phone whistling, and simulatenously a series of darts flew, piercing many an enemy.
A sinister with an axe and a hobbit with knives rushed into the fray and began evening the odds. As the darts kept coming, and the others fought hand to hand combat style, the music ended.
With that a beast, the like of which is unknown in style to you or and I alike, appeared. The beast was slightly larger in size than that size of a creature that was than a bear and it's body was covered with a thick coat of ivory colored fur. From the creature's forehead sprouted a pair of horns.
The creatured gouged the remaining bandits into pulp that was gore and bloody.
Lydia looked at the sinister, “Wow! Thanks a lot.”
“No problem,” said the sinister, “It’s the least we could do, we are on a quest to fight the forces of evil.”
“Neat! We are too on a quest to eliminate the Dark King,” said Chao Su.
“Perhaps we should join forces,” said the hobbit, “Yo Marilyn, Mew git yo asses over here!”
A woman and a man that looked cat joined the sinister and the hobbit among the corpses.
“Bill what did I say about talking like that?” asked the woman.
“Ahbunna,” was the hobbit’s response.
The sinister spoke, “Marilyn, these two are also on a quest to stop nightmare forces of evil.”
Marilyn looked at the pair. A woman, looking worn out, obviously of the land was she. She wore green and cloak and her sword and shield were battle worn. A boy, looking strangely familiar. He wore a blue martial arts suit and held a bamboo sword which was odd, because at his side hung what appeared to be a martial arts sword of metal.
“I feel that it would be the best if we all joined forces,” said Marilyn, “By the way my name is Marilyn. I went on a quest with Cory to stop Numalt roughly ten years ago.”
“SWEET!” Lydia exclaimed, “You are my role model. My name is Lydia, I am a ranger and I also thought that you were such a good role model for women.”
“Thank you,” said Marilyn, “I think my compainions should introduce themselves.”
“I equal Misiter Sinister,” said the sinister.
“I am Mew, and I am a felman,” said the cat like being.
“Yo ‘sup,” said the hobbit, “The name’s B-Daddy!”
“Bill!” Marilyn said in the same voice Homer Simpson used in the first season when he said, “bart.” Similar to that of Homer Simpson, Marilyn began strangling the hobbit.
“AK! OK MY NAME IS BILL!” said the hobbit. Marilyn released the hold.
“What about you little boy? What’s your name?” Marilyn asked.
“Chao Su. I’m from Gyo Monestry. I know Gyo-jitsu.”
“Chao Su?” Marilyn said. The name, the monestry, and the boy’s face all seemed vaguly familar to her, though she could not tell why.
“We should probably get out of here,” Mr. S said, “Those thugs we just wasted have some allies who are coming our way right now and will be mad at us and try and do death to us.”
“Chao Su...” Marilyn repeated.
“COME ON MARILYN!” Bill hooted as he and the others fled the city.
His hoot got Marilyn out of her trance, and she looked behind her to see several dozen street punks running towards her.
“Yipes!” she exclaimed and then fled out the gates with the other adventureers.
Chapter 8
Camp Out!
The party of heroes now numbering six in numbers walked outside of Mindenhall. Suddenly ambush! One slime, and Two Madmen attacked!
“Everyone get in fighting stances!” Sinister hooted.
Sinister attacked the slime with his axe for some damage. The fiend would not die though. Lydia slashed with her sword for a crushing blow equalling enough to slay the fiend.
“WOOOK! WOOOK!” hooted the Two Madmen.
“YIKES! We still got to verse these two madmen,” said Marilyn, “I will attack with dart gun.”
Darts sprang out of the launcher like they were bees, piercing not one but both of the two madmen alike. The madmen let out sounds of anger.
“Now’s my chance,” said Bill. The hobbit ran up to a madman and stuck his hand deep into the pocket of it’s leg. Bill pulled his hand out now holding a handful of gold pieces as well as a healing potion.
“YES! Pickpocket succeeded!” he yelled in a suprised manner.
“Do it Chao Su!” Lydia exclaimed.
Chao Su ran, hit one madman in the face with bamboo sword, then swept the leg and with the madman laying on his back, dropped down with both knees right across the face of the madman, causing instant death.
There was one madman left. It swung a big knife hitting Mew for minor damage. A trickle of blood ran down Mew’s cheek.
“Now I’ll get my revenge!” Mew yelled, “Opo Dough BAK!”
A blast of what looked like pure hurt flew through the air, and engulfed the madman. When the hurt dispersed, the corpse of the madman collapsed on the ground in a heap.
“DA DA DA DA DO DA DO DA DA!” Chao Su sang.
“Look I found 12 gp,” said Sinister as he looked over the corpses.
“Mew, I didn’t know you were a magic user,” said Marilyn to the felman.
“Oh yes,” Mew replied, “All felman can use magic, much as all elves can do the same. In addition to using spells, I personally can summon creatures to aid me in combat.”
“Very nice,” said Lydia.
“Yes.”
The crew looked at each other, and for some reason it was an akward situation. Finally Marilyn spoke, “Why don’t we go to Cloud Town so we can get some advice from Dracco the ruler of Cloud Town and of might of the dragons of their king. If anyone knows the weakness of the Dark King it is Dracco.”
“That might seem like a good idea,” said Sinister, “But everyone knows that the Dark King caused the pegasuses to be extinct so no one could get to Cloud Town anymore.” “Damn! You’re right, I just forgot,” said Marilyn.
Lydia spoke, “There still may be another way to get to Cloud Town. I have been around the world from Lon-Don to Thebay, and I’ve seen many things, including a machine in which one could fly.”
“What’s a musheen?” asked Chao Su.
“It’s an item,” said Lydia, “made by a person that allows that person to do things they normally couldn’t. This machine let’s one fly.”
“Then let’s go find Juan and his machine,” said Chao Su.
“I said one, not Juan,” said Lydia.
“Ok. Let’s find one then,” Chao Su said.
The crew then went off to locate the location of the flying machine. After much walking the crew was tired and decided to camp for the night. They set up camp and started camping.
“Let’s cook some chow,” said Marilyn.
“Okay. I’ll do that,” Mister Sinister.
Mister Sinister in a fashion like that of an iron chef cooked five dishes out of the theme ingredient, beef. He made beef ravioli, beef fried rice, beef stew, beef and broccoli, and beef pies.
“YUM! Beef pies are so yummy,” said Chao Su, “And this raviolis il sont super cool.”
“MMMM. I love this beef stew. It tastes like stew, only with beef in it,” said Mew.
“You do good cookin’ Sinister,” said Bill.
Mister Sinister smiled, “Thanks a lot dudes! It’s something I practice as often as I can. I love cooking.”
“Are you gay?” asked Bill.
“JUST BECAUSE A GUY CAN COOK DOESN’T MEAN HE’S GAY!!!!” Sinister bellowed in a hooting manner.
“Damn...” Bill whispered to himself.
As Marilyn chowed down on beef fried rice she asked, “Lydia, where is this machine that can make us get to Cloud Town.”
“It’s in the zone known as Osama Zone,” said Lydia, “We’ll probably get there early tomorrow. Probably prior to lunch time.”
“SWEET!” Marilyn yelled.
“Well, let us do sleeping,” Chao Su said.
Everyone slept to go to do sleeping and not be awake alike.
Chapter 9
Forces of Evil: An E! True Hollywood Story
Chucks head felt like it was not a head, but that of a head that had some pain. He was still not in his dorm room and it was obvious not that he had drunk to much brew the night before.
“Glad to see you’re awake,” a voice said.
Chuck looked up to see a masked creature with a mask that was that of skull. It wore black satan cloaks that looked like they were swen by tailors of hell who made Satan’s garments.
“Look Chuck, I got cool black,” said the creature.
The voice sounded like that of a familiar voice and a voice he knowed alike, “Co...Cory is that you?” asked Chuck nervously.
“It is indeed me!” shouted the guy as he took off his mask revealing that it was indeed Cory.
“Wha....how....why.....where are we?” Chuck asked in a panic.
“We are in Tennion,” said Cory, “It is hard for me to tell you how I ended up here, but you are here because you read my magical document.”
“What are you?” he asked.
“I am Cory. I am supreme ruler of this land,” said Cory, “I control a powerful army and even have my own elite five man fighting team!”
“Like Power Rangers?” asked Chuck.
“Yes....I mean NO! They are something completely different and totally original!” Cory hooted, “I shall introduce them!”
Cory hooted, “This is Tuck the warrow heros.” A short dude with ear that came to a point was pointed out. He had black fateegees on and carried a wicked looking bow and arrow set.
Next Cory said, “This is Lonot.” Lonot appeared. He was dressed up in black and blood red robes. He was elf ones.
“This equals Bodrena!” Cory hooted like a hoot owl. A stout looking warrior with a weird beard appeared. He had armor of black and the look of one two.
“Present yourself Jodung,” was what Cory said next. A guy that looked like a combination of Pope and Marrilyn Manson appeared, only he had wings that looked like rot. This bad MF had a spear of pure black.
“Jarrion!” Cory summoned. Another winged being with wings of rot appeared. This one was like that of Irving Curtis in that he was shaped like trouble. The creature known as Jarrion weild weapons of doom that looked totally tough. Tougher than death.
“ROAR! ROAR!” roared the five elite fighters of the Dark King, Cory, in a roaring voice of might.
Chuck gulpped, “Gulp...what’s going on here?”
Cory laughed, “Chuck let me explain to you. I was a hero here as were these five men. We saved this world from total darkness ten years ago.”
Chuck looked out a window. There was death and volcanoes out there in the outside, “Sure doesn’t look saved.”
Cory did laughing again, “Friend Chuck, we did that. After we saved the world. We got to have all sorts of fun. Woman, drink, money. You name it and we got it. Then it got to us. We started acting all bad ass and soon we got to this point. Well Chuck I would like to share this with you. What do you say?”
“I’ve got one thing to say to you...” Chuck said sternly, “Got any 12 year olds?”
Seven hits of wicked laughter cackled in the palace of darkness and bats flew across the moon, making it look like haunted.
Chapter 10
Hello Bratly!
“GOOD MORNING CREW!” Chao Su yelled as he awoke with a start. The others mumbled and rolled over in their sleeping bags.
“...need coffee...” Mister Sinister moaned.
“Looks bad here,” Chao Su said, “I better go out into the woods alone and look for this coffee guy.”
Chao Su grabbed his bamboo sword and went off into the trees. In the dewey morn, birds sang and leaves fell from the trees. Chao Su always loved fall. It seemed fresh to him.
“Here coffee. Here coffee-coffee!” he called.
“ROOP! ROOP!” a sound went.
Suddenly a creature unlike any known to you or I alike, known as a doitmofo hopped out of a tree trunk. It was like that of a rabbit mixed with a wolf and a porcipoin. The doitmofo went to attack Chao Su, but the boy was to quik.
The karate then hit out at the doitmofo in the nose. He hit it with the bamboo sword. Blood exploded out of the doitmofo’s nose and mouth alike.
“HAHA! You are damaged!” Chao Su laughed and then ran back to camp. When he got there, the others were getting ready to leave on the day’s hike.
“Oh good you’re back,” said Marilyn, “Now we can leave.”
The team then began their hike. Within an hour they were in the Osama Zone, a zone known for its plains and pariedawgs. Within several hours of entering the Osama Zone, they came to a large mansion looking house that was also equipped with a barn and a 1693x3204 ppoe pool that one did swimming in.
“There we go,” said Lydia, “This is the home of the inventor.”
“Is he old and a grouch?” asked Bill.
“No. Quite the opposite,” said Lydia, “Just wait and see. Bratly! YO BRATLY!”
A boy roughly fifteen years of age came out of the barn. He was clad in short of kaki and trench coat of one too. He wore odd looking shoes, like that of an Air Jordans to you or I alike, and had a red shirt. Atop his head was an odd leather cap with those of goggles atop the cap. From under the cap protruded hair of blue.
Bratly spoke, “Who dare disturb the work of Bratlishire T. Magins? LYDIA! It’s you...”
Bratly ran over to Lydia and jumped into her arms. For a boy of fifteen, Bratly was rather small and similarly, Lydia was kind of ripped for a woman of her age.
“Bratly, my friends and I need your help,” she said, “We are trying to get to Cloud Town, but all pegusasus are extinct. I would like to use your flying machine to get to Cloud Town.”
Bratly thought for a moment, and the said, “ Well okay but only if I could join you on you’re quest.“
Soon another voice that was not yet known to you or I spoke, “Wait just a filas there mister! You have a test tomorrow!” It was Bratly’s father, Craig Magins.
“What test?” asked Bratly.
“UN EXAMINE DE MATH!!!!” Craig hooted en fracaise.
Bratly took out a quadratic hand puppet and made weird hand motions and sound effects at his dad. “See ya later dad!” Bratly added, “Come on guys, the flying machine is around back.”
The posse went around to the back and saw a vechile. It looked like that of a helicopter, only much less advanced. It had that of like a ship as a body. The woodness of the wood was approximately 238 wood per woode. Atop the deck lay those like that of propellers. These propellers had a turnover rate of 362.33 quaod per filas. The flying machine was a rather medium size and could hold ten human sized passengers.
The crew now consited of Lydia, Chao Su, Mister Sinister, Mew, Marilyn, Bill and Bratly. All of them got into the ship and Bratly threw a few switches and the ship was soon in the air.
“It will take us roughly one day to reach Cloud Town,” said Bratly, “Hey Lydia, are you going to introduce me to your friends?”
“Oh I’m sorry,” said Lydia, “How rude of me. This young man is Chao Su. He studied Gyo-jitsu. This is Mister Sinister. He is a sinister. This is Mew, a felman summoner. This is Bill, a hobbit theifs. He went on a quest with the hero Cory ten years ago. Last, but not least is Marilyn she went on a cory quest like Bill alike.”
“Charmed...” said Bratly, “I’m going to go work with tools, don’t touch anything.”
Bratly lefted the deck area and went bellow the deck area. The others began talking about him.
“What a toolshed!” said Sinister.
“Hey Marilyn,” Bill said, “You think he is related to Gloin Magins?”
“Probably,” she replied, “Wow! We killed this kid's grandfather.”
Whoot! Whoot! went some noise. Chao Su was standing over the control pannel. His finger was on a button.
“What I do” he said.
Three metal men appeared on deck and started doing a jig. Bratly heard the racket and dashed onto the deck.
“MY DANCIN’ MACHINES!!! WHY ARE YOU DEPLOYED?!” he hooted in anger.
“THE DEPLOYMENT UNIT WAS ENGAGED...” said one of the Dancin’ Machine in a voice not unlike that of robot, only known to you or I as a robot, for in Tennion, no one but Bratly knowed about robots. So for the rest of the crew the machine of dancing sounded not unlike that of an armored dude.
Bratly looked at the young karate standing over by the control pannel, “You!” yelled Bratly in a voice that had anger mixed with red, “You dilbrately disobeyed me and hit a button! COME ON!!!”
“Bratly he’s just a kid,” said Lydia trying to make the scene be peace, “Besides, he’s a karate expert, he’ll hurt you badly.”
“I studied Kong Foo at the YMCA over the summer,” said Bratly to Lydia then to Chao Su said, “Your ass is going down!”
“Look I don’t wanna fight chu!” said Chao Su.
“Well tough rocks pal!” said Bratly and swung wildly a Chao Su.
The young karate who was known as that of Chao Su kicked as Bratly swung, catching Bratlishire T. Magins, son of Craig Magins, son of Gloins Magins square in the stomach.
“Uff!” Bratly barked as he was quick kicked.
Bratly ralphed and dropped down. The air was soon filled with the sour yet barf like smell which was unmistably barf, cuz no matter how you describe it, barf =’s barf.
“I didn’t want to fight you,” said Chao Su.
“You’re right...” said Bratly, “It was I who desired combat avec you.”
“I sorry I made your dance guys come out,” said Chao Su, “Can you forgive me?”
“Aye.” said Bratly.
Chao Su helpped Bratly to his feet and the pair hugged. Somewhere an unseen audience did the “awwww” sound when something overly cute happens.
“Wow, a real Full House moment,” said Mister Sinister.
“I hope I can get in there!” Bill whispered to himself or at least thought he whispered, because he had “!” on it and people heard him.
“BILL YOUR A PERVERT!” said Lydia.
Chapter 11
Another Chapter
Chuck looked at his bed. Not the bed of that of college, but his Tennion bed. Cory had insisted that he no longer wear clothes from their time, but instead of that of middle ages which was how Tennion was.
On the bed was a suit of dark clothes like those of a bandit only more regal looking. Chuck pulled off his gear and put on the new clothes. Chuck was ready to go. Cory would obviously be in the throne room so Chuck went to there.
At the throne room, Cory addressed him, “Hail Chuck of Latham!”
“Um...” said Chuck looking at Cory.
Cory was in a large throne of black. On either side of him sat huge war beasts of toughness. One was dog-like and the other was more might.
“So...whatcha wanna do?” asked Cory.
“I don’t know,” said Chuck, “What is there to do here?”
“I know!” Cory said, “How would you like to go plunder and rape a village with me?”
“Oh...I thought you didn’t do rape,” said Chuck.
Cory laughed, oh so laughed, “Chuck come on! Of course I do rape! Didn’t you read my rape story?”
“I didn’t get very far in your story,” said Chuck laughing as he thought back to the grammer involved in Cory’s writing.
“Let me tell you quikly then, for I’m in the mood for plundering. As I already told you I use to be hero of this land,” said Cory with a stange gleam in his eye, “Anyway in my team of heros was this woman named Marilyn. At first I was anti her joining us, but as we journeyed I realized she was a hot piece of ass.”
“Um...” said Chuck looking at his feet. This conversation was making him very uncomfortable.
“So anyway I become king of the realm,” said Cory, “So I’m a good fair king for a year. At the end of the year I realized being good all the time is not good, so I decided to have a party. A party ‘to celebrate one year of peace in Tennion,’ as the flier for the party read. So then all my hero friends came over to the castle and we all drank long into the night, and I delibrately got Marilyn drunk and then BAM!, I did her.”
“What did she say?” asked Chuck.
“’No! Don’t do that!’” Cory mocked in a tone that revealed mockery. He laughed, “That was the last time I saw her. Stupid prude! Now I get all the babes I want!”
Chuck was a little confused, but shrugged and listened to Cory’s rant, “Ok. Let’s get going!” Cory said finally.
He stood up and put on his black hell helmet of war. Cory picked up a sword that looked as if it was of lore, which it was, for the sword Cory weilded was not unlike that of Lore Sword for it was indeed the Lore Sword.
“Um...Cory, I need a weapon,” said Chuck.
“Oh just go to the armory. There are a large numberous of weapons of doom down there,” said Cory.
Chuck went with him down to wear the armory was. Weapons like nunchucks and war hammers alike were in there. Chuck like the cross bow so he took that as well as a quiver of arrows that cory said were enchanted.
“Well Chuck...let’s Rampage!!!!”
“BOOYAKA!!!” Chuck shouted.
The two ran over to a town with the dark kinghts of evil in tow and began rampagin’. Above them a big machine flew above them in the air.
Chapter 12
Oh My God or Goddess!!!
“Look!! It a rampage!!!” said the catlike creature.
“Hey we forgot about you!” said Chao Su, “but we can’t let a rampage occur unstopped! Bratly, land this thing.”
Bratly landed the flying machine, crushing several homes in the process. Soon the heros of might and truth were in completely combat.
“Hey wait!” Marilyn yelled, “I know these guys...their’re the evil forces of Cory!”
“Cory? Evil?” said everyone except for Marilyn who already knew what was about to be explained.
“One year after we heroes of good and truth had saved Tennion, Cory held a party,” said Marilyn, “Anyway at the party he did rape on me...”
[Sound of Shock]
“Nine months later I gave birth to a child,” she continued, “but by this time Cory was pure evil, and if he’d discovered the child who knows what would have happened. So I asked some monks to watch the child.”
Chao Su took a deep breath, “What monks? The Yool-dok monks? The Kril-ope monks? The Monks of the Black Heart? The Flerk Mon....”
“Chao Su, I left my son with the Gyo Monks,” Marilyn said, “My son should be nine years old now. My son is you.”
“What?” Chao Su exclaimed, “It’s so weird. Yr my mom and Cory the hero/lord of darkness is my dad!”
“Yes,” she said, “and it is your destiny to face your father.”
Suddenly a group of dark knights broke off its attack of ravaging and approached the heros. All but one were familiar to Marilyn and Bill alike. They were Tuck the warrow, Lonot the elf, the dwarf Bodrena, and the parracks, Jodung and Jarrion. With them stood Cory and an unfamiliar look molestery character.
“HOOT! HOOT!” Cory hooted, “This is very interesting indeed. Marilyn, Chuck here and I were just talking about you.”
“FATHER!!!! THE TIME FOR TALK IS OVER!!!!” Chao Su shouted like a man that was a madman.
“I have no son...” said Cory, drawing the lore sword anyway.
“Yes, after your little party, I had a child,” said Marilyn, “Meet your son, Chao Su. With that, Chao Su attacked Cory with his bamboo sword and all hell broke loose.
Lonot and Lydia locked up. Bill attacked at Bodrena. Tuck rushed at Marilyn. Jarrion and Mew were going to fight it out. Jodung verse Bratly, and Chuck and Mister Sinister were gonna go to town.
Soon, mini-brawls, not unlike that of mini-quotes had broken out all over the place. Lonot attacked Lydia, but she countered with sword attack, piercing the elven one straight through the heart before he could even let loose a spell.
“Ug...I am of death. Dammit!” said Lonot.
Boderna fared better against the gay Bill, crushing the homosex’s skull with a weapon of dwarf-kind. Blood of black gushed from the wound and collected in a large puddle.
“HAHA!!! I NEVER LIKED YOU!” Bodrena barked.
In other news, Tuck was slain by Marilyn, Mew killed Jarrion, Bratly summoned Dancin’ Machines that killed Jodung, and Chuck Barnett wanted to verse Mr. S in tennis, but Mr. S kicked his face in and then got some revenge for Bill by biting Bodrena in half. Everyone then looked at Cory verse Chao Su.
Chao Su swung his bamboo sword at Cory, his father. Cory blocked with the lore sword causing the wooden sword to break apart.
“FLURG YOU!!!!” Cory yelled and swung out with the blade.
Chao Su evaded, did a summer sault and drew his metal katana sword. As he lept to his feet, the boy swung the metal weapon at his father.
Lore sword met with the katana, letting a loud klang ring in the ravaged town. The metal katana was shattered, as was any hope for Tennion.
“You will die by my hand...” Cory said as he kicked his son in the stomach.
Chao Su collapsed on the ground, stunned. He knew if he didn’t act quickly all hope was lost, not just for him, not just for his friends, not just for his mother, but all of Tennion, and prehaps the univerese.
Cory brought the lore sword up preparing for a death blow. As he brought the sword down, Chao Su rolled, and grabbed a metal shard from the katana, and jabbed it into Cory’s leg. The dark king dropped his sword as the fragment cut into his flesh.
“BASTARD!!” he shouted.
Chao Su saw his opening and grabbed the lore sword. “SWORD OF MIGHT WIN THIS FIGHT!!!!” he shouted as he swung the sword.
A beam of power shot from the sword right into Cory’s black heart, killing him instantly. Chao su had won for Tennion. A party broke out. Mid-80’s party music blasted and booze appeared.
Mew went back to his home with the cat people.
Mister Sinister became a pro-wrestler, and even became champion, but soon became dead due to massive steroid use.
Bratly wanted to marry Lydia, but it turns out she is gay. sorry Bratly. He went back to his ranch to build more robots.
Lydia, was gay and stayed a ranger.
Marilyn now reunited with her son and they moved into the palace where Chao Su was appointed king. And he knowed that forever more, he would rule fairly and justly. And he did until the day he died, nearly 305 years after becoming king. And on the day he died, the sky, they say, was the same shade of blue as the uniform worn by practicioners of the Gyo-jitsu style of martial arts.
